What do you do when you know she's not the one but you're

I'm not a popular guy. I dont meet ladies all the time, if ever. I have a good girl. She adores me. We're a good fit in many ways. But I feel that I dont respect her. She doesnt have a strong personal drive or any independence. She's pretty clueless without outside help. Our conversations are not intellectually stimulating. She complains a lot.

I'm scared that if I end it I'll lose her and be alone forever. But I feel I deserve more. Am I being greedy?

The other day we were talking and in the back of my head I was thinking about breaking up with her. She looked at me and said "What are you thinking about, sweety?" I just said "you." That seemed to make her happy but I felt awful. I feel like I'm living a lie but I cant talk to her about this because I cant stand to make her upset. Maybe I do love her. I dont know. But I just cant imagine marrying and having kids with her. Or maybe I can.

I just dont know...

We share an interest in video games and anime, which is pretty awesome. But apart from that... Top interests are makeup, birds (borderline obsession), and relationship drama (she browses /r/relationships frequently). I find I'm frequently not interested in what she has to say.
On the other hand, I have autistic nerd interests like programing, physics, politics (we dont discuss politics because we disagree), rock climbing, and hiking. She cant go rock climbing because she isnt fit enough.

I'd love someone who could share my autistic interests but I dont think they're out there. But maybe I could find a normie girl with a little more drive that I could fall in love with.

Sometimes I worry that it will be like this for everyone, that I really am a weirdo and wont be able to form a close personal connection to anyone. Sometimes I wonder if this is as good as it will ever get.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll be a groom at his wedding day, knowing that this marriage isnt what he wants but is to scared to stop it. Or that I'll look back at this relationship and wonder why I left it behind.

There's part of me that says "Just do it. Go out on weekends and cheat on her." I never do. It's always safer to meet up with her. Always easier. No chance of failure. No chance of rejection. I'd feel awful in the end. About a year ago, I told her I didnt cheat on her and she hugged me and cried into my shoulder. "That makes me so h-h-happy" she sobbed. It hurts to have someone love you that much and not love them that much back.

My mom told me: "dont you want someone smarter?" I do. She's very superficial, but then again everyone is. I just dont even know if I deserve her. I'm not exactly popular. She just loves me so much. If she knew how I felt it would destroy her probably. It might destroy me too. I feel like I have a fine life with her. Can I do better? Maybe. But I might never get what I have with her again. It hurts, /adv/.

Anything, /adv/? I'm pouring out my heart here.

There's a girl I know at work. She's very outgoing, driven, smart and feminine. I'm very interested in her but I dont think she'd ever go for me. If I somehow got this girl, I'd take her out nightly, buy her nice things, probably propose if I had the chance. I'm not motivated at all to do that with my current girlfriend. We typically hang out watching netflix all day. I'll get her a present once or twice a year but I sort of expect her to carry up her end. Basically, I feel like my girlfriend is below me but I put my work friend on a pedestal. That cant be healthy for our relationship, can it?

>>18122926
well to give you a sort of perspective....

my bf and i are worlds apart in interests and where we are in our life currently. i'm the ambitious one; i chased my dreams and became a professional artist, my bf is almost 30 and struggling to catch up to getting a job outside of the service industry. (he's working on it!) his interests involve watching tv/movies, talking about sports/fantasy sports, gambling, and gossip about his social circle. (who i don't know or care about) he too, has a habit of complaining.

my interests are painting and art, make up and fashion, and my cats. so there's a pretty slim chance i'll run into a guy who is into any of that unless he is gay. we have a mutual interest in video games too.... but never really had a chance to play together.

yes, technically as a relatively attractive girl who has her shit together, i can go out and find another guy whenever. but what i appreciate about him is his loyalty and love and devotion to me. i've dated plenty of guys, and i found that it's incredibly difficult to find someone i can trust and love me back 100%.

also, our conversations are still pretty interesting because we make the effort to. because we are so different, we're always learning so many new things about each other. we don't talk about our interests as much as we talk about each other and our opinions and things. i don't think talking about art or cats would be really interesting with another person, especially because i understand the topics more so than the average person...

i think you should try to give a more effort into the relationship before you let go. try to involve her in a new interest together. take up dancing or cooking? do silly things, make each other laugh. if you feel like you've done your best to bring the relationship back to life, and you've talked about it with her, then consider it over. both of you need someone to inspire a better quality of life.

>>18123108
It does feel that she is not inspiring in me a better quality of life. Instead, I feel sapped trying to solve the problems in her life. For example there was a shopping cart in front of her house for a week. Every day she'd tell me about it, complaining that the company hasn't come to pick it up yet. Then one day I asked her if she tried moving the cart herself. She made excuses on why that wont work and instead decided to "publicly shame" the company on social media. I personally think that's an absolutely ridiculous response. I worry that this small problem is taking over her life and it concerns me. My feeling is moving the cart would take about 10 minutes of easy walking. I want her to be able to solve problems like this on her own, without help from me.

Thank you for your perspective. It helps to hear from someone. I will take you advice to heart, especially about putting more effort in.

>>18123305
Another example: me, her, and my mate will be playing video games on the couch. Suddenly she'll disappear into my room. I figure she's going pee or something but after half an hour I go in and check on her. She's crying. She tells me she's hungry, she hasn't eaten all day and that she feels like I'm ignoring her for my friend. I go ok and we go for a walk and get some food. I tell her "I dont want you to feel like this ever. Next time you do, give me a hug and tell me you want some time with me. I promise I'll do my best to make it better." But the next time I hang out with my mate, I have to fish her out of my bedroom again, crying.

I get why she's upset - I imagine her doing the same to me and I wouldn't like it one bit. But I wish she'd tell me things. I cant hold her hand like this forever. She says she's shy in front of my mates but I wish she'd put a little more effort in.

she sounds like a clingy nightmare. stop wasting each other's time and break up with her. it feels bad but it's the right thing to do. you'll find someone in time.

>>18123576
Its not like there are huge issues. /adv/ is filled with all these horror stories but I'm not in that kind of situation. We dont really fight, both of us are faithful. Our personalities are generally a match. We have good sex. I'm just a very independent person and she's ... not.

dude, if this thread is still up in the morning i will fill you in from someone in a similar but different situation. or you can give me a burner email and ill reply when i can

>>18123676
will appreciate it

End it OP she's insane.

Anyone have any advice?

>>18123676
pls

>>18122949
Wait a few more weeks, maybe a month or two. Go on more dates with her, ask her what she wants to do for a date. Get to know her

>>18125291
Thank you, but we've been dating for two years now.

I need you /adv/

Tell her the truth. Things like that are never easy, I had a similar situation recently. I poured my heart out, but still picked my words very carefully. I know it seems easier to just settle down with her and ignore those bad habits, but desu she is clinging on to you so hard it's not even healthy. In my opinion a relationship should always be equal. That's clearly not the case here.

>>18126385
Thank you. In certain ways it feels good to be loved so much. It helps me a lot in some ways. It also hurts not to feel as strongly back. What in stood out to you as the most unhealthy bit?

Anyone been in a similar situation?

>>18126395
She's starting to become dependent on you. And while that is not always a bad thing basic problem solving should be something she can do by herself. Also I don't know how much time you normally spend with her or your friends, but interrupting the time you spend with you just because she is hungry is very weird to me.

>>18126440
Sorry it's early. I meant interrupting the time you spend with your friends

>>18126440
Thanks. I understand her interfering with my friends. She was staying at my house so in some sense I was responsible for feeding her. And it was during a time we didnt see each other often, so I understand her wanting alone time with me. But you are right that she was totally dependent on me, seemingly unable to voice her hunger or even just open the cupboard.

>>18126456
I think you know what needs to be done. You could go on with a relationship like this but that would mean you're lying to yourself. Good luck anon.

I was in a similar situation. I'm still with that person in question. I can see two problems here: you're being weak, and she's being too needy.

If you don't like something, speak up. I'm not trying to hassle you, Anon, but you've got to man up in most cases. I'm not saying to be a dick, but, take the food incident for example. If you weren't happy with that, you should explain to her that she is an adult and should be able to find food for herself. If nothing else, she could have asked if you and your friend wanted to go get food or something. If you start asserting yourself while still being compassionate, the neediness thing will either go away or she will. It sounds like that at this point, either will work for you.

As far as the interests thing goes, >>18123108 is right. Relationships require a lot of effort to make them work. And, contrary to popular belief, having a lot on common is not good in the long term. Being different but with similarities makes for a much more interesting and fulfilling relationship. Give it more time and put in more effort. Build her up while respecting yourself. If after a few months you see no change, then you probably are better off ending it

>>18126527
I should clarify, you need to tell her how you feel without feeding her clinginess or neediness. You need to encourage her to be more independent.

>>18122972
Knew that feel bro, after 3 years in with my waifu I got the same feeling of wanting to end it, but after a while the thoughts went away and I got comfy again, it's not the most stimulating relationship or exciting at 5 years but she gives good booty and I'm she's still laughing at my retarded shit. I call it the 3 year crisis, usually due to boredom or loss of interest, happens a lot to girls too I hear. Best thing to do is soldier on and not leave/cheat, it gets better or else you will know it's time to cut ties.