24, virgin. I need your help, /adv/: >Want the first time

>>18120910
If you want your first time to be meaningful, have it with someone you care about.
I don't think that losing your virginity to another virgin is in anyway special unless you make it special because you share a connection.

Why are you so emotionally and circumstantially unavailable? It always sounded like a cheap excuse.

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>>18120920

It's not 100% accurate, but I'm effectively depressed and have been for 10 years. No therapy can fix it; I've tried.

Despite this I'm able to socialize just fine, and am not an autist; getting social status or female attention isn't hard for me. I just don't let anyone get too close lest they see the mess that really is me.
>pic related

>Confidence
Believe me, no matter what you look like, fat or skinny, white or non-white, true confidence will get you laid. Getting confidence is not easy, but I can 100% guarnatee that if you focus all your life on confidence itself that being laid will become easy to you.

>>18120975

I actually have relatively little trouble attracting girls if I put my mind to it. Every now and again, the odd one will come to me without me doing anything. Eg:

>One was on holiday to my town for one more day . Literally shoved my face in her boobs
She just wanted the D. I respect that, but I was a virgin and didn't want to throw it away or disappoint her with my lack of skill.
>Another was getting physical and dropping hints like crazy.
I found out she was in a relationship.
>Another two were fat

The problem is not obtaining sex, but rather deciding to go for the sex.
Mind you, I doubt this abundance of attention will occur much anymore - annoyingly, I'm getting fat myself - need to bust my ass if I want to get back to having that female gaze again, hah

>>18121018
You must not be bad looking.

>>18120947
Beside the whole edgy teenager Goo Goo Dolls thing, a lot of people are ultimately fine with someone depressed as long as they aren't completely non-functional adults.

Not to sound offensive but it is quite weird to me that you both say you have been depressed for ten years, have already sort of accepted potentially never being able to be with someone, but you care so much about having this perfect moment to lose your virginity?
I mean it's great that at least you're holding something in your life to high standards but maybe you could revisit your priorities a bit. Care less about who sleeps with you first and more about getting something out of the rest of your life.

>>18121029

>You must not be bad looking.

Maybe? I'm not sure. I consider myself average. Thinking back, a lot of those cases with the girls were situations where I was on point socially. I'm a late bloomer and have only been out partying etc for a couple years, but I've already learned that women respond to social dynamics. As much as guys like a pretty face and ass, girls get wet for social status. Those cases were often times I made myself the most fun or coolest person in the gathering/group, etc.

>>18121036

A lot of people? Really?

How would I even screen for that? Just say on the first date, "Full disclosure: I'm depressed and this may be a terrible waste of time and energy for you, but I'd like to try and see if I'm capable of handling a relationship"?

>>18120910

I'm a 34 yo virgin and I see a lot of your attitude in my current and past self.
I don't have any advice and I believe it would be pointless to give any anyway but,

I will tell you that I finally met someone that was "worthy" of losing my virginity, someone that really wanted me as well and it still didn't happen. Because ultimately, no matter how easy it is for you to attract girls they will eventually see you for who you are. An insecure frustrated manbaby.
Sorry to burst your bubble.

>>18121062
Just expose yourself gradually.
How much does your depression affect your ability to socialise and be close to others? Unless you use your partner as a therapist and throw shit at them and you're horrible to them, most people would be fine with it.
I am seeing a guy who had been clinically depressed for 9 years, and we have a super normal relationship.
He learnt how to handle himself well and his disease was never a burden for me. He has some "low" phases, but even then he was mostly okay - he just told me how to handle those moments, and we went through just fine.

>>18120910
Sex is random. You can try to put yourself in the best case scenario but it is not assured that will be special.
So the best thing you can do is to try to be in comfort with the other person to avoid embarrassing things.

>>18120910
Why the fuck are you overthinking this?? Fuck girls man!!! Get some weed, hang around with hipsters, smoke one of them up and let her ride your dick, it's no problem.

>>18121046
>Care less about who sleeps with you first and more about getting something out of the rest of your life.

I really only properly realized this now, but, the reason I'm regarding this losing of virginity as so special is specifically *because* I had given up on the idea of relationships. I've given up on the idea so much that romantic possibility just isn't part of my mind's vocabulary. Eg, I haven't had a crush in 8 years.
My reasoning is that my emotional state is so detrimental, it would be simply immoral to inflict another person with it/dealing with it.
Given that relationship were out of the question, casual sex / fwb's is the next best thing. Situations were you can be somewhat intimate with someone, without actually having to really reveal yourself deeply.

>>18120920
...And with losing virginity, I believe it *is* special - for example, when you go to a skill class for the first time and there are other people there that have never done the thing before either, there's an instant connection between you. You say to them, "Oh this is your first time too? I have no idea what I'm doing either, haha". There's also connection in terms of learning the thing and developing it together over time. Further, with virginity, most people remember the person they gave it to for the rest of their lives.

>>18121069
Exactly what I'm afraid of. Thanks for you input too

>>18121074
>How much does your depression affect your ability to socialise and be close to others?
Socialise: None; be close to others: A lot
I am very personable with strangers and have a fair few acquaintances, but I keep people at am arms distance. I have a total of 5 real 'friends' and of those, I only let 2 know what really goes on in my head. And as expected, not even they really understand. I can't expect anyone else to.

But your comments have really struck me. What if.. relationships *aren't* out of the question? What if there are people out there that wouldn't actually mind the way I am?

>>18121198
Just saying but you cannot apply your general observation that doing something for the first time bonds to sex. Some girls having sex for the first time are so nervous/anxious it makes it real hard to feel a strong connection, for example, they just sort of retreat into their body and want it over with. Virgins don't all share their attitude towards sex, how much they want to have it and so on.

And
>Further, with virginity, most people remember the person they gave it to for the rest of their lives.
This is true but applies even more to sex with someone they loved. And I'd wager that by far most people do not forget anyone they've had sex with to begin with.

>>18121198
>And as expected, not even they really understand. I can't expect anyone else to.
I don't think that loving someone is about understanding them, it is about respecting them and being there for them at the best of your abilities.

There are some things I will never fully understand - his relationship with God, his cultural and social background, his relationship with his family. his struggles with depression, his struggles with intimacy. Those things are completely beyond my understanding. He doesn't understand many things about me, and never will.

I do love him, tho. I love him for the person he is, depression and other flaws included. While I do not understand certain things and they will always sound foreign to me, I will always respect him for the person he is and try to do my best to make him feel good. It is a conscious choice that I make. Love to me has always been about that.

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>>18121185
>Get some weed, hang around with hipsters, smoke one of them up and let her ride your dick, it's no problem.

I'm actually going to be in Anjuna, Goa for some time in May. It may actually come to this very thing, haha. Not really into weed much, but when in Rome..
Is weed actually an aphrodisiac?

>>18121214
So basically, not necessarily understanding, but acceptance. Essentially, this is I have with my close friends. I've always thought romantic relationships demanded or required more than that.
Thanks very much for your input - It's very interesting, and I hadn't considered it before. Perhaps this is the thing that can give, as mentioned in the OP... I'll have to think about this.

>>18121256
>Is weed actually an aphrodisiac?
Yeah it is. Gets most people horny but on top of that it makes them more in tune with their senses so sex feels more intense. Masturbation on weed is great too, deeper orgasms as well.

I feel you i'm 24 too just virgin. I stopped going out with my friends cuz they made fun of me.

I set a limit that at 25 if im still virgin i kms.

>>18121300

Yeah, we all know you're gonna pussy out anyway.

>>18121256
Goa? Are you fucking kidding me???? Go to /s/ right now and get on a Desi thread right away! Then jack off to the MOON!!!

>>18121069
>>18120910

You're not a manbaby for being depressed and feeling alone. Obviously you both lack confidence but shit happens in life that puts you there. Some women are understanding towards meek fellows like yourselves, hell some prefer it.

You should never be ashamed for holding out for something deep and meaningful but you should also let people get a little closer.
When i met my bf, he was initially my mysterious friend that never gave up much about himself. He could be somewhat social and play games etc but when it came to his personal life he was basically a stranger. He later told me he had depression but it took him a year to admit this to me or i would've tried sooner to help bring him out of his shell. The more time i spent around him i could see that he was a geniune and kind person despite his own repressed struggles so we started spending more time around eachother.

Took him another year to admit he'd started having feelings for me. I had already liked him too but was too shy to admit myself because he was so good about maintaining that boundary he never really seemed flirty at all so i just assumed he didn't like me.

When he told me he was a virgin it suddenly made sense. He had to really know a woman entirely to even want to like her because he didn't want to risk getting close to anyone that would break him.
He assumed because I'm attractive that i would just play him and move on because the depression forces you to have those kinds of pessimistic thoughts.
Now that we're together, i absolutely adore him and really don't want anyone else.

You have to let them in enough and at least try because you never know who wants to be close to you until you do.

>>18121583
That's nice.

>>18120910
Im in the same exact situation
honestly I think hiring a prostitute would be the best option, dont wanna face the fact that I could cum instantly to a random girl or not getting hard or being it too obvious that I am a virgin.
also I have a question for tinder users, Is ot possible to see when the other person read your message or last time he/she openned the app?

>>18122902

If it makes you feel better, those things happen to non virgins all the time.
They make a desensitizing spray that can help if you're a minute man but all men have moments like that so it's nothing to be ashamed of.
As far as not getting hard, all men have that problem occasionally for various reasons but if it becomes persistent it could be e.d. which isn't typical in young healthy men and there are obviously medications to help.
You can't really tell how experienced someone is unless they tell you because sometimes virgins put in way more effort than an "experienced" person.
Just do a little reading on female pleasure and put effort into the foreplay and you will be fine.
The idea of a prostitute grosses me out, personally i wouldn't be able to get past the fact that they've been around so much. You can take several nice girls on dates for the price you'd pay for an hour or two for a whore.