I'm a 26 yr old virgin. That may or may not be relevant.

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I'm a 26 yr old virgin. That may or may not be relevant.

I recently got involved in a sort a fetish hookup thing. She and I shared the same kink, which we are both very private about. We like farts. I know, gross. So you can imagine finding an attractive, cool, funny women who shared this kink was exciting. It was incredible.

She also seemed pretty into me and would tell me how much she missed me, how she talks about me to her friends, etc. I ended up asking her if she wanted to date- probably not a wise move but I was developing feelings. She said yes. It felt right. We fooled around more and I always made her cum, I know this because she would get wet as hell.

Then out of the blue she decided she needed time to figure herself out. I was confused and I gave her some space and then texted her like 3 days later (keep in mind we went from communicating every day to not at all). then I kind of pushed the issue and she said "we didn't even talk that long, I have to look out for myself, it's not selfish".

So now we're pretty much done talking and low and behold, I'm a blubbering mess. I feel embarrassed, inferior and like an idiot because I trusted my gut and opened up to her. I tried to be careful and take all of this slowly but from her reactions it just felt natural.

Things to note here is that while I made her cum many times via our fetish we never had sex because I wasn't able to get fully hard, I guess nerves. She said she didn't care.

This type of scenario has happened many times. I get attached and suddenly they pull away unexpectedly. This time I went out of my way to keep it casual.

I don't know what to do, how to proceed in the future. If you have any tough love, harsh truth, real talk, please give it to me, I need to hear it. If you know of any philosophies, readings, anything you recommend to improve my situation, let me know. I need to take responsibility for what happens I just don't know how.