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How long of my boyfriend not initiating contact with me should

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How long of my boyfriend not initiating contact with me should make me worried?
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>>18108903
12 hours.
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>>18108903
How often do you text?

I'd say - twice as much as you're used to.
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>>18108909
We used to text a lot but ever since I started never initiating conversations, we exchange barely any messages and I have to wait over 24 hours for him contact me.
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>>18108909
Update: I am really unhappy with how often he messages me and cry about it every once in a while. Should I break up with him? I feel unloved even though he says he loves me, and he won't message me more if I ask him.
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>>18108903
I'd say be worried if something is unusual behaviour for him. I sometimes have my smartphone lying in a corner for a week, and I only check my fb every once in a while. Some people I know will usually reply within half an hour. If your bf is in the latter category and he doesn't write you back at all there might be something to it.
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>>18108954
He does write me back right away, but he can spend days without messaging me first. So, he doesn't ignore me, just doesn't show much interest in how I'm doing or desire to talk to me.
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>>18108973
Writing to ask how someone is doing is just not the kind of mindset most guys have. It's more along the lines of "the fact that gf isn't texting me means everything is okay." If you want to build a relationship try to do more with the guy. Maybe make plans for a vacation together. Give him a chance to show that he cares about you in a way that makes sense to him.
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>>18109018 is decent advice. Not sure why it was deleted. Sad.
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>>18109027
What did it say?
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>>18109054
Cellphones make people paranoid.
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>>18109027
Bad and sick guy!
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>>18108903
why dont you call him? maybe hes legitimately busy. maybe he likes his alone time. better yet, why dont you TALK TO HIM about your concerns?
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>>18108903

do you mean worried about HIM or worried about what it means?
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>>18109027
I deleted it because i didn't want to come of as being rude/an asshole to someone I don't even know.

Still makes me think they were born after/soon after cell phones even existed or it probably wouldn't be a big deal. She would just be complaining that he doesn't call her then, and the telephone has existed long before I did. I never was paranoid about that kind of stuff personally, but that is the only way I can rationalize it.
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>>18109082
Oh right, this is /adv/
Here's my advice for you then: That post was totally fine. If you stop trying to be social and considerate and go for being reasonable instead you'll be able to get your points across a lot better.
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>>18108946
Try talking to him about it. Dumb cunt
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>>18109092
>Me
>Social

I cut damn near everyone out of my life when they started doing/saying fucked up shit and then lying to me about it. I have become highly anti-social amongst other things as a result.

I just didn't want to be an asshole to some kid, cause I figure no one my age or older would even be concerned about this sort of thing. After re-reading what I wrote I thought it might come across as rude/assholish and that doesn't really help anyone or this board.
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>>18109068
I'm worried about what it means. I'm not worried that he's cheating on me or is having doubts about me or anything, but it does make me feel like I'm less important to him than he is to me. Or maybe I'm worried that the difference in how much we message is just too big and will cause us to break up. Because, even while I can rationally tell myself what >>18108973 wrote, I am still upset that he doesn't check in as often as I want him to.
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>>18109109
Sorry, I mean what >>18109015 wrote
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>>18109107
Do you think that with time, I will stop worrying about how much communication we have? Because I can't wait to stop worrying about it.
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>>18109109

some guys just arent plugged in. hell some girls arent.

if this is something you can't separate from 'love' than you're going to have a hard time in life. love doesn't mean texting every X amount of hours when you were never a texting kind of person to begin with.

i legit only text to check in on plans.
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I'm an introvert and I barely initiate conversations with my gf, she has the urge to share mundane things with me all the time though

I'd say longer than 24 hours without talking to you is a red flag
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>>18109122
is spot on. In all likelihood the guy thinks about you as much as you do about him. The difference is he doesn't go groping for his phone and text you every time that happens.
Without meaning to be rude, I think the closeness you're looking for is a very superficial thing. I already told you to make plans for something together. You haven't responded to that. Does that seem too tedious to you? Do you prefer just going through your usual daily routine while taking out your smartphone every so often? Doesn't seem very romantic to me.

>>18109134
do you enjoy making people paranoid for no reason?
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>>18109134
>I'm an introvert and I barely initiate conversations with my gf
>I'd say longer than 24 hours without talking to you is a red flag
One of these is a contradiction of the other
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>>18109173
not the guy you were replying to but wtf how?
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>>18108903
about a week
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You should be initiating contact, not him.
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OP I'm going to tell it to you straight from this thread and your posts, something is probably up and you need to approach him.

I dated the same guy on and off for four years and the two times we broke up, he went almost awol before. He once didn't text me for two weeks and being in an LDR I had no way to see him (we went to uni together and lived together, after this he was 6 hours up north)

The second time we dated, for two and a half years, the last half year I wish so much I'd just have given up. EVERY weekend without fail he'd not text. So I'd maybe hear from him Friday then have to email him at work to get any kind of reply Monday, always the same "sorry, I was asleep" shit but really it was because he had issues and was a cheating manslut.

TLDR: Don't be like me and be happy if he so much as texts once a day or two, you're worth actual conversation. Confront him.
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>>18108903
Had this same issue with a girl in HS and one I'm just getting to know. You gotta talk to him about it.

With the girl in HS she just forgot to respond to me because she had a shitty day but I freaked out and thought she was "ghosting" me.

Recently a girl wasn't talkin to me too much/took a while to respond and I brought it up and said she's free to not want to see me (I wanted her to feel at ease rejecting me because I know it's hard). She turned around and said no it's not like that at all.
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>>18109103
>Dumb cunt

No wonder you guys are all virgins haha
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>>18109234
We're trying to help your bitching for free here. But do whatever you want then. You seem to be the expert here.
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>>18109234
>arguing with holes
This is all women have
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>>18108916
>I started never initiating conversations,
Why did you do that? It should always be about 50/50 on who starts a conversation, maybe he is mad you never talk to him unless he starts it, makes it look like you are using him
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>>18109274
Yeah it's just before we had problems with me messaging too much from seeking validation and overwhelming him. He knows that me not messaging is just giving him space; I assure you that he's not mad.
>>18109146
We hang out on the weekends, take turns inviting each other to things. This is just about when we're not talking together. Four days of not talking at all seems long to me. I would like at least a bit of talking each day.
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>>18109403
*not spending time together
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>>18108903
How longs it been... a week? He could be ploughing another field. Or dead/prison
needy much?
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>>18109409
>Malphas appears as a crow. He specializes in construction, and can build houses, towers, fortresses, etc. at the behest of the summoner. You want it, he'll build it: ahead of schedule, under-budget, and of top-notch quality.
we have the best demons, don't we?
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>>18109413
Hahaha ma man. I got it from here. He won't leave though
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OP i went through the same exact thing. Two weeks of barely any contact and i wouldn't complain because at the time he had two jobs and was always tired. When i finally pleaded to talk to him and meet up, he was fine with it only to break up with me. Trust me, whether it's something drastic like mine or something as simple as being too busy or being forgetful, it's better to bring it to light. Good luck, hope this helps m8.
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>>18108916
>we exchange barely any messages and I have to wait over 24 hours for him contact me.
Get a grip girl.
>>18109423
You sure he didn't break up with you because you "pleaded" a little too much? I swear, for half of the girls (it's always girls) who tell this kind of story they actually just weirded their partner out to the point where he felt severing ties was the only safe option.
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>>18109413
Hey you what's this guy name again?
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>>18108903
Tell him you'd like to talk more often, and you enjoy it when he starts conversations. Then suggest something he likes, even if its something as simple as going to see movies, to indicate your relationship would be more enjoyable if he texted more. Positive reinforcement, and communicating openly but a little subtly will help him understand you want to talk more than he habitually does. Pleading will make it worse, and he'll be less likely to talk, but if you make talking with you fun or associated with the good parts of your relationship he'll open up more.
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>>18109441
if you mean the artist it's Don Kenn
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>>18109443
Ideally I am associated with fun and happiness for him now. I used to plead, complain, try to talk about feelings a lot, and I was a stressor. But now I'm trying to be as accepting, independent, and free as possible. I don't think I will bring this up to him as an issue, because it will just devolve into me becoming sad and pleading with no way around it. I guess I'll just occasionally message him first so that he himself doesn't get worried.
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>>18109115
Sorry I took so long to respond. I'm the one who deleted there initial post.

Honestly, I don't know. I don't know you so I can't answer that question. I can tell you I was in a relationship once and this issue came up. She came off as clingy and making a big deal over nothing because I tried to stay off my phone at work per my employers request. Thinking back if she confronted it differently, like she just wanted to spend time with me, or something of that nature I wouldn't have seen it that way. Doesn't really matter, the relationship was already fucked I just didn't know it yet, she was using stuff like this as justification of her cheating on me while I was at work. Makes me wonder how many times I was texting her she was really with another guy.

Anyways, My point being if you do talk to him about it, think about what you want to say ahead of time and get to the core of the issue versus just saying what comes to mind. Don't come off as clingy, it will just drive him away.

Good luck to you.
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Just to get things clear. By bf, you mean someone you meet often and have sex with? And not someone on the internet you have never met?
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>>18108916
>but ever since I started never initiating conversations
You're a fucking idiot. This is bait.

Everyone on this thread taking you seriously is a legal retard and should be euthanized and put out of their misery
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>want to SO to do X
>don't tell him to "test" him out
>get sad when they don't act like you think they're supposed to even if you never told them
Why are people this retarded? Just fucking write to him of you want to talk, who gives a shit about who starts the conversation. Stop trying to measure his reaction you dumb cunt, different people have different needs and somebody not initiating doesn't mean anything more than somebody not initiating.
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>>18108903
Give him oral everyday. He'll always be thinking about you then and I bet he will call u more often.
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>>18109938
Yes
>>18110224
I do that
>>18110034
Yeah I guess I'll just get over it eventually. It sees like an immature thing to worry about if I take a step back.
>>18109933
Thanks
Thread posts: 51
Thread images: 5


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