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Need some opinions /adv/
I'm dating a girl now after 5 months of getting over a rough breakup. She's wonderful (cute,interesting, smart, funny, cooks, showers me with tons love) and we get along very well. I'm absolutely smitten with her. She helped me along during my shitty few months and we fell for each other.
Anyway....
The only problem I'm having is she's too generous at times. As in she buys me bunches of food, movie tickets and takes me on trips where she covers almost everything. I literally have to fight to cover the restaurant check at times or pay for my own stuff (groceries/rent/various bills). She comes from a super wealthy family that gives her a hefty allowance on top of the job she's holding while going to school (I only know this because I was concerned she was going broke with her generosity so she had to explain). This has become a recent thing and I'm suffering from severe guilt. I don't mooch off anyone and I never ask for money, I earn my own way, always have since I come from a lower middle class family. I'm always the one to provide in the relationship, not the other way around. I don't want to bring a riff into our relationship already but I don't want to "owe" anyone later on.
She explained to me that she wants to take care of me and she always does this in relationships. She wants me to be "stress free" and to start enjoying myself without worrying about financial stuff. That sounds nice but I know it isn't right, it's hurting my pride a bit as a male in the relationship. I don't want this to devolve into me being arm candy and feeling like I have to give myself physically to make up for her generosity.
What do you guys think? How should I approach this? I do well for myself financially also, I can provide but she doesn't want to take my money.
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You're creating a problem that doesn't exist. If you offer and she insists, so be it. Be sure to take her out from time to time and you'll be gold.
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>>18107682
I had a good friend tell me something similar. I'm just not used to such treatment so I was worried if I was in the wrong. I do buy her gifts and things she enjoys, not out of guilt but just because I genuinely like to treat her.
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>>18107675
If she's financially stable/well off and wants to take care of you let it happen. Women these days want to put the pants on so let them, enjoy your situation. Do things for her but don't wig out if she buys you food or whatever. Put your pride aside and accept that she wants to take care of you. Be a loving/faithful boyfriend and it'll be ok. If she thinks you are good enough to be financially coddled then you are worth her dollar.
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I'm going to go against the grain and tell you to listen to your instincts. At some point reciprocity becomes important in any relationship that becomes a long term thing.
Don't focus on the male pride, arm candy argument. Show appreciation for her desire that you be "stress free" and explain that being stress free isn't one of your goals. Explain what your goals actually are.
If she won't take your money, but forces hers on you then that's a huge double standard. If she wants to keep that double standard then you need to see if that's her pattern in general or just a one-time blind-spot for her.
If she wants a relationship of equals, she'll eventually get it. If she wants a relationship that meets her needs only, she won't.
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>>18107675
Explain to her that if she doesn't want to stress you out then she should stop paying for everything. Seriously just tell her what you told us.
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>>18107675
Pay stuff for her and insist the same way she does. She's testing your kindness.
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