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I don't think I've ever been happy. I'm only 20 but I already feel like I've wasted my life. I'm fat, ugly, freakishly tall, have ADHD and clinical depression, and I don't know what to do. I feel like being in a romantic relationship might make me happy but that's never going to happen because I believe physical attraction is pretty important in a relationship but I couldn't really expect anyone I'm attracted to to be attracted to me. I've thought a lot about killing myself over the past few weeks, more than I have in the past and a lot more seriously. I have a therapist and while I usually feel better after my appointments, that feeling is very short lived. I've thought about admitting myself to a mental hospital but I don't know if that's a good idea. I really don't know what to do with my life. Nothing interests me. I feel like I'm destined to kill myself and I'm just biding my time until it happens because I'm a worthless piece of shit.
What the fuck can I do? I need help but what's the fucking point when there are some things I can't change. I fucking hate that I was born. I didn't ask for this. I feel extremely isolated and out of touch with reality.
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Attraction is a funny thing. Different women are attracted to different things. I can guarantee you that there are more people out there who would find you attractive than you think. But I can already tell you that a relationship wouldn't make you happy. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Small exercises to change your outlook will do wonders. Start every day with a positive message to yourself. Take up something active like going for a walk. Push the walk further into something like a light jog after a while. Try to change your outlook on things.
One thing I used to do was write ten times every day "there's no such thing as failure". Do this. Adopt it as your mantra. If shit doesn't work out, it's not a failure. Failure doesn't exist. Something just didn't work and you should reevaluate how to go about it.
You can do this, Anon. You're only 20. You're still a kid with a lot of opportunities to take advantage of.
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