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I know the answer already, but I just want to hear it from the horse's mouth.
I was the abuser in a relationship several years ago. I was verbally abusive to a girl I grew up with and loved because I had a lot of mixed emotions about life and pent up aggression. She didn't deserve an ounce of what I gave her. She broke it off, and I went quietly. She blocked me and we haven't had any contact for almost 5 years now. We were both 18 at the time.
I don't know why I did it. She taught me what a backhanded compliment was, because apparently that's all I ever gave her. I made light of her problems, thinking to myself that I could help by not taking them seriously, when they were in fact quite serious, like cutting herself on a regular basis. Every time I felt I was marginally slighted, I would throw something deliberately mean her way. Impulsive and cruel don't mix well.
I guess maybe I'm not giving you this for an answer, but just to get it off my chest. I'm telling you all this because I never believed for a second that I was ever in the right. She deserved a friend and I treated her like shit, plain and simple. Years later, I still think about her often. I hope she's doing alright. I hope she's happy. But then I get this inkling in my head of, "I'm a better person now, right?" and I want her back in my life again. But that's just me being selfish, right? I keep telling myself the best thing to do if I really care about her, is to stay far the fuck away and never try to get involved again.
Tell me, /adv/, this is the best decision, right? This is what I reap for the seeds I've sewn regardless of who I've become?
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Leave her alone. What good is going to come from talking to her again? Even if all you do is apologise, that's opening old wounds for her. She's probably moved on, you should too
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Its not as bad as long as you did not rape her or abuse her physically. Do not contact her though shes moving on and so should you. This is coming from someone who has been raped and abused last thing I want is scars from the past coming back up.
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Thank you. I really appreciate your two comments. I guess it was more venting than anything else. And, it really helps to hear >>18104312 from so I don't get any dumb thoughts.
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>>18104305
Tbh a sincere apology could be healing if she hasn't moved on. And if she has truly moved on, it won't snare her back into the potential abuse. She was strong enough to leave the first time, and now she is older and presumably wiser, seeing as she made a very smart decision at 18.
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>>18104292
Yes, OP, it's probably your ego wanting resolution and absolution that drives you toward reconciling with her. You have gained a lot of perspective over the years, and you want the loose ends of your past to be wrapped up in convenient knots of closure... but you have to realize that you already have it. Since you don't have enough information to know what effect communicating with her would have, and there's a reasonable probability that it will be distressing, your only option is to keep going and know that if she ever contacts you, you have a responsibility to apologize and own the hurt you caused.
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