Sup /adv/, So I'm not sure whether I'm making this

>>18101430

Well, at least your Dad is trying to come through for you and your brothers, even if it doesn't seem like it.

I don't know how you're Mom treats you on a day to day basis, but if you're still regularly thrown out of your own bed so strangers can sleep in your house for casual sex, I reccomend you tell your Mom to fuck off, because clearly her father or your father forgot to tell her that.

>>18101447
>Well, at least your Dad is trying to come through for you and your brothers, even if it doesn't seem like it.
I do, admittedly, understand this but the issue I have with it is that he makes absolutely no effort to bond with my younger siblings, doesn't work and stays glued to his phone playing Bejeweled clones all day. All while using his depression or diabetes as a shield for it all. I don't mean to sound like a selfish, ignorant twat but his "doing it for the kids" excuse just comes off as incredibly hollow, even if I know he loves us all.

>but if you're still regularly thrown out of your own bed
This doesn't happen any more now that I'm 19. She makes a great effort to conceal it all now that she knows I know about it but I'm still aware of it constantly going on.

Also, contact a family crisis center because this is fucked.

>>18101461

Does she force your brothers to sleep on the floor still? Because surely you can report that to the cops as abuse.

>>18101461

Well, seeing how you're 19 it's not your 'duty' to do anything.

As a man, you have to stick up for the things that hold a family together.

Your Dad needs a counselor or a shrink or something so he can work part time and feel accomplished for a change.

Your Mom did a lot of things she is obviously in denial about. She may never admit to you OR your father that she slept with other men even if it happened right in front of you. My mother was the same way. Diagnosed bipolar. I cant get her to acknowlege my entire childhood.

It's called emotional incest. There is a wealth of literature on the subject, and it is very damaging. It's a sick enough dynamic when a parent unloads emotionally on their children, let alone threatening suicide to them. My mom did the same thing, minus the suicide threats. These people don't understand boundaries. If you want to get better you have to distance yourself from them as much as possible, and then most likely seek therapy. At the bare minimum journal about your childhood, feelings, and experiences, but a competent therapist would probably help you.

I know 100% what you are going through man. It's rough and emotionally draining, but you can make it through.

>>18101475
>Does she force your brothers to sleep on the floor still?
Nah, no way I would let that fly. She treats my younger brothers a lot better than she used to treat me thankfully. The whole making me sleep on the floor thing was when I was unaware she was cheating. One of the many guys she cheated on with was one of my dad's cousin's husband so I assumed I was just giving up my bed for a relative on multiple occasions.

>My mother was the same way. Diagnosed bipolar. I cant get her to acknowlege my entire childhood.
I think you've got her pinned right on the fucking head. My mother completey fails to acknowledge that she used to say she wished my cousin was her son instead of me and that I was an ugly child for such a beautiful woman like herself (she's a bloated whale). Part of me does still love her but she's batshit insane at times.

>>18101492

>I think you've got her pinned right on the fucking head

I haven't talked to my Mom in about a year now because I fail to tolerate her ignorance.

I'm sure your Mom cares as well, or maybe she just, "cares". If she refuses to discuss what happened, then your father has a reason to drop his depression and anxiety because deep down inside your mother is so terrified of what she did that she cant tell right from wrong anymore.

I hate to say it but Dad will really have to step up his game. I feel bad for him, I really do. Remind him that the point of anti depressants is to function normally. If he's too fucked up on them or he's just not doing anything and he's regulated, he gave up. Its up to you to help him get on his feet. Dont mention negative shit. Ever. If he's denying all of your suggestions, wait and try again tommorow. The point isn't to get him motivated, it's to get himself motivating himself. Im sure there a webpages full of suggestions.

>>18101430

I think it's time to man up and take the reins of the family.

I know you probably won't call your mom the whore she is, even though you should. But you should at least fucking help your dad.
I had a very dear friend, a 1 in a million girl, who struggled with depression since a very young age. At one point she started coming up to me for counseling and venting and just general help and I got tired and started avoiding her and stopped talking to her.
Some time later she fucking killed herself because she had no one to help her and I can assure you there's not one day where I don't think of her and just wish she was here with me again. And if I felt that way about my friend, I can't fucking imagine how you'll feel if your dad kills himself.

You got to make your dad snap out of it, depression is a serious fucking thing and there's a very good chance that he in fact doesn't get a job because he's depressed. Help him out, nobody fucking likes doing it but it's necessary.

Just be frank to him:

Tell him his life is going to shit because he won't divorce, if your mom is the one CHEATING on him, then he has to pay no alimony, if anything he can ask alimony FROM her. You can testify that your mom used to do that shit and that she constantly cheats on him, your words will be worth gold for the case.

If you really don't wanna go that route, tell your dad that he needs a real job, a job means he'll make new friends, maybe even meet a new girl, and he'll get money, he won't depend on your mom anymore to provide him with anything and he'll be able to leave that rotten marriage.

You're in a tough spot soldier, but your family's wellness is resting on your hands, it's up to you to fix your family because you seem to be the only one capable and willing to do it.

Sorry for the late replies, lads, I fell asleep.

>>18101534
>>18101590
The thing is, I've had these conversations with my dad. For a time, they were pretty much a weekly occurrence. If I tell him to man up and get a job, he'll either get extremely pissed off or just make the "last time I had a job, she cheated on me" excuse. I told him the other day that one of my younger brothers asked me that if he's so upset all the time, why doesn't he just divorce her? and he got extremely upset, despite it being something I've said on multiple occasions. I've mentioned that some productivity would almost 100% surely turn his life for the better multiple times but he just doesn't care. He's content with how he's living right now and part of it is because of this country's overly generous welfare system. If he's stayed with her after over 15 years of constant adultery, he'll be far too stubborn to divorce or even consider turning his life around and believe me, I've tried literally everything you guys listed. He's become somewhat complacent with his current situation. A lot of it has to do with

I do take his depression very seriously and hate so sounding so selfish but I feel as though I've exhausted my options with him. I don't want to be one of those cunts that self diagnoses themselves with mental illnesses but these last few years, especially since I found out, I've become a lot like my dad and it scares the shit out of me. I'm not a social autist or anything but I've found it difficult to care about making friends, no longer care about getting into relationships with women out of fear I can't trust them, never branch out of my social circle, skip university almost always, gained a lot of weight and can't build up the courage to man up and get a part time job myself. I can't remember the last time I was happy but I fear getting therapy because I don't want to use it as a crutch like my dad has. Part of me feels as if I should focus on my brothers and I but I don't know.

>>18101485
Got any recommendations on some of that emotional incest I can read up on. Getting some insight on how others dealt with it could be helpful. I'll take your note on keeping a journal about it. The few times I've written about it has been relatively cathartic. Thanks, it's unfortunately comforting that I'm not alone in situations like this.

Thanks for the replies, lads. I know you may not be in the thread any more but you guys have certainly helped.

>>18101923
>>18101927
Hey bud I don't have advice but I hope it works out. It seems like your dad is unable to realize he can leave and is afraid of separation, while your mom lost her moral compass. Being with your mother for over 15 years, your father probably has trouble imagining another life without her and is stuck in "this is my life" mindset. Maybe call family crisis hotline, tell them the situation, and literally ask what to do, like what steps to take. Good luck bud.

>>18102698
>your father probably has trouble imagining another life without her and is stuck in "this is my life" mindset
Yeah, this is pretty much it really. Both he and my mum feel like completely lost causes considering how much they've normalised their current situation. I think if anything this thread has at least made me realise I should focus on my dad's mental health and work towards making a better life for my younger siblings so they don't have to go through the same shit.