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This is my first time posting on this board so sorry if I'm not using the right format or whatever, and it's currently four in the morning so sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense.
I lie all the time. About everything. Unimportant things like what time it is or what my shirt says. People laugh and write it off as a joke, but I also lie about really important shit. Most of my friends think I've attempted suicide multiple times and I have no intention of telling them otherwise. I've faked parts of my personality for so long that I can't tell which parts are real and which parts are fake. I don't know what feelings are real and which ones I'm making up for attention. Even now I can't actually tell if I'm worried about this or if it's even true or not.
What the fuck is the matter with me? Am I a sociopath? Because it also applies to emotions. I tell myself I don't feel emotions but I don't know if that's true or not. With all the girlfriends I've had I've played this game where I get them to completely fall in love with me, convince them we're going to get married and have a perfect life together, and then get them to break up with me without me ever seeming like the bad guy to anyone who doesn't know what I'm actually doing.
Any help would be appreciated since I can't bring this up in real life without people thinking I'm a freak or my parents freaking out.
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One time when I was a teenager I met a guy that was a compulsive liar. He would make up all this stuff about things he never had, his parents occupations and his big house. I didn't understand why he would do it but I guess some people are just really desperate for approval so they'll do anything. I mean I've felt that way before. I've made up lies or exaggerated things to make myself sound more interesting.
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I suppose you're not coming here and lying about your problems and can recognize that this is something that's having negative impact on your life, so that's a start. If you've been doing this for a long time though it will be probably hard to let go of the habit. Start small. And get help. Like, therapy and shit. Chances are your parents and friends might already have noticed something so don't be ashamed to ask for help and commit on getting better.
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