Hi /adv/ Approaching 4 years ago this month I made a few attempts

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Hi /adv/

Approaching 4 years ago this month I made a few attempts to kill myself because I gave up on life. Since then I've been living off benefits and playing videogames as a way of escapism from real life. Throughout my whole life I've never really been interested in "living" or engaging in "real life" and I preferred to simply screw around a play in some form or another. I could drone on about it but today I received a letter through the mail asking me to attend a consultation to see if I'm fit to continue receiving money for my state of mind. Although on the surface I'm pretty okay, deep down inside I still have zero motivation or enthusiasm to get a job or make friends. I don't even enjoy eating/drinking and sleeping. Is there a term for this? This feeling of alienation and "not belonging" in real life?

At any rate, if I do come to a point where all the money being given to me gets cut and I have to get a job to continue affording pointless crap to stay alive, where do you think I should start? What kind of jobs can you do with very little/zero qualifications that pay at least enough to get by on but ideally a little more than that, that maybe include a lack of concern for oneself? I thought about joining the army but I doubt they'd let me in because of my past suicide attempts as well as the fact I'm fairly lazy and not sure if I could bring myself to do that much physical training.

Any ideas? I mean, I could just jump of a cliff but I'm trying to be more realistic this time around and actually give living normally a go. I've seen plenty of wussies make threads about wanting to kill themselves, and the people that respond usually say things like "Seeing as you've given up on life you could try helping out other people by doing <thing>". Those are the suggestions I'm looking for.