How do I become a good person? I'm self destructive, insecure,

bump for meditation

Wow OP, you sound like me.

I'm successful, I have a good life, I'm not unattractive, I have a wonderful relationship but I'm always unhappy.

I'm constantly angry and bitter, I hate anybody who has any kind of advantage or positive thing in their life and I can be really, really mean. I don't actually feel this way, I'm just so hideously insecure and unhappy with myself that I project my insecurities onto others. I realise it's extremely unattractive, so have made a point to pull myself out of this slump and be more positive.

You've already managed the hardest part, which is to realise you have a problem. Perhaps you could try and focus on the positives in life - write down what you're grateful for and as many positive things you can identify about your life.

Most people are just trying to get by, day by day. They're just as sad or frustrated as you are and ultimately, I don't think many people are happy. Try and remember how good it feels when another person goes out of their way to help you, smile at you or just give you a minute of their time - then try and extend somebody else the same courtesy.

Being happy is all about self-worth and the easiest way to get that is to have a positive mind set and make others happy.

Sorry if this advice is shit. I'm in a very similar situation and I'm looking forward to reading other responses.

>>18084146

Sharing and helping sure feels empty when you do it out of hate, hate for yourself, thinking you are bad.

Learn to love yourself first - you can't give what you don't have.

>>18084146

I don't see goodness the way you do. This makes me either the worst or the best person to take this question.

My idea of being "a good person" starts and ends at being a person who does good things. Anything else is virtue, which is nice, but not intrinsically important or morally relevant.

Let me go through your post to show you what I mean:

>trying to be nice and helpful at work

Examples? Because I'd bet this comes down to being cheerful and inoffensive, neither of which are bad things to be, but neither of which are obligatory things to fake. If they drain you, then stop. I mean, does anyone actually benefit from your niceness?

>Compassion, sharing and caring never came naturally to me.

You sound like the Tin Man. The stuff you choose to do is just as valuable as the stuff you do 'naturally'. Plus it's all nature anyway.

>I have been shy, anxious and depressed

Mental illness is not a sin!

>ruminating which I do ~99% of the time

That's bad, but only because it's unpleasant to you.

>No thoughts or energy goes to the less fortunate or improving the world for others.

I donate unreasonable amounts of money to charities which benefit the poorest people in the world. I think about them maybe once a month, because thinking about people in pain hurts me and wouldn't help them. You don't need to police your mental state! If you're doing good, that's enough!

>When people succeed or get attention I feel bitter, jealous or feel nothing instead of being happy for them.

This is known as 'being human'. It all comes down to how you manage and (decide not to) express those feelings.

>it's not natural

That just makes your actions more laudable, and more likely to work! People operating off gut instinct do dumb shit, like resorting to prayer instead of action, or feeding the homeless instead of housing them.

[cont'd]

>>18084248
[cont'd]

> I think I do it mainly to show off and attempt to fit in.

Again, this is called being human. The difference is that you're smart enough to recognise it, and dim enough to think you're the only one who cares about looking good.

In fact, let me go off on a tangent. You know who I can't fucking stand? The people who do unreasonable amounts of good, and then KEEP IT A SECRET out of some misguided sense of virtue. I mean, seriously, they do the hard part, and then decide not to help normalise doing good, because ~being sure they're good people~ is more important to them than having a society where do-gooders don't feel alone and can compare notes.

>When people talk about sad events or misfortunes I often find myself reacting with joy and smile which I try to hide.

You hide it? Good, that's all you need to do. The world does not have a right to your soul.

FYI, though, watching fictional characters suffer is a lot more fun than real people. Watch some Hannibal and see if that takes the fun out of IRL Schaudenfreude.

>My inner self can't stop talking about how stupid, useless and selfish and I am.

Evidence of a conscience turned malignant, IMO.

>I have trouble sleeping

That's a whole other post DESU but if you want some /adv/ice on that I can try my best.

Screw being a good person. You'll get nothing out of it besides hordes of people looking to take advantage of you. Embrace your evil side and roll with it.

>>18084210
Thank you for the helpful post. I'll try the positive things exercise a try. I've heard about it before but never gave it a chance.


>>18084215
But I don't know how to learn to love myself. Nothing seems to work.


>>18084248
>Examples? Because I'd bet this comes down to being cheerful and inoffensive, neither of which are bad things to be, but neither of which are obligatory things to fake. If they drain you, then stop. I mean, >does anyone actually benefit from your niceness?
By trying to be be a little social and force myself to smile and joke sometimes.
Or compliment others when they do a good job. The rest of the team are alphas and social butterflies, so I have to at least try if I don't want become a complete outcast.

I mostly agree with your posts and you seem intelligent.
I guess it all boils down to that I simply want to be able to live and feel good, and I'm hoping that learning to love myself will help me to get to the root of my life long problem.
But I have no idea how to get there. Judging myself for not being empathetic enough is not the solution at least :)

Here's a question: Does someone been an ass makes them a bad person? My answer would be no because society, values and experiences shape them to be like that. Life is like ying and yang, it gives you the good stuff while giving you that bitch slap at the same time and wonders how you'd react afterward.Now you'll wonder why I'm saying all this crap that doesn't make any sense maybe but I'll get to the point: Life shapes you.

What has life taught you so far? Life has been teaching me that it's pointless to needlessly been negative because our lives is such a luxury. Have you seen true poverty, shared a table with them or people getting mugged and murdered for some jewels? I did and that's coming from someone that lived with a good family in Canada. I consider myself quite privileged because but boy traveling the world showed me that.

Tell yourself this: Is my life shitty enough to be mad over such simple things? Does my life make me a supreme being that I have the right to be an ass? I wouldn't think so because life is too short to be mad at each other.

>>18084146
How old are you?

I was like this for a long time.

Then i started acheiving shit and doing things that made me happy and the rumination kind of went away.

It was like my mid-late 20s i balanced out.

The key though is focus elsewhere like getting better work or learning skills.

>>18084473
True words.
Yes, travelling is a great guiding compass. I've backpacked in Europe, the US and parts of the middle east and grew a lot.
The only time in my whole life I was happy and carefree. An escape from reality.

>Tell yourself this: Is my life shitty enough to be mad over such simple things? Does my life make me a supreme being that I have the >right to be an ass? I wouldn't think so because life is too short to be mad at each other.
No and no. I'm aware of how silly it is and that makes it even worse... I'm my worst enemy.

>>18084507
26.
I've achieved a lot career wise since I became a workaholic, but not much happening in the rest of my life.
Started exercising a bit for the first time in years recently, that's something at least.

What made you start achieving things and what did you start with?