>i either brutally crush on a girl or literally dont give

>>18083489
>I'm 19
Yes.

>>18083490
but why
isnt that the purest form of affection

>>18083496
What do you constitute as crush? A hot girl that you'd fuck or someone you have feelings for?

>>18083489

Yes, it's normal. I also assume you haven't had many girlfriends/hook-ups, have you?

>>18083501
both
and only thinking about her

>>18083513
0 to be exact, when do crushes ever work out?
again, if i dont crush on them brutally, i have 0 interest in that particular person as a potential partner

>>18083489
Dunno man. I've been like that you years and years now. Thing is I've realised if I have a crush, it's already too late for it to go anywhere.

Then again I'm old enough to openly admit I've got enough mental issues that certainly aren't healthy like low self esteem and no self image.

>>18083496
hormones and a lack of social situational awareness as well as a mix of young age.

When you get older, you will realize later on that the world is a multitude of attractive people and unattractive people to you. Attraction is a very shallow tenet to base other people's impressions on you. You will also learn that good looks is also very shallow and very common and that falling for someone just because they seem attractive to you won't do you any good.

You have to learn respect and self-control. You will learn that just because you feel attracted to someone doesn't mean they will feel the same way back and you will realize that your attraction was short lived. It's perfectly normal and hence why colleges are a hormonal, never-ending sex orgy.

>>18083619
feels bad man

>>18083619
>college is an orgy

How did I miss that in my 4 years there?

>>18083605
i atleast dont think i have low self esteem and no self image
but all of my crushes forced me to improve myself
its just that
i never once got my crush
i always failed, every single time
and yet, with that knowledge, i always find a new crush after a year or two, and become hopelessly optimisitc again

>>18083684
Simple, it was your first taste.
t. a loser who works now, and regrets every day not taking chances in college.

For every day that passes, I suffer more, but work gets easier.

>>18083687
You gotta realise that you don't date your crushes. it never happens. If it did, there would be a destructive imbalance of investment in the relationship.

I've got a crush on a girl I've only met a few times over about a year. I'm not very forward in my actions and she shows no signs of anything more than being just a friend.

I could screenshot a few whatsapp convos but that's not really necessary.

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>>18083684
I dunno you a loser maybe or never bothered?

>>18083692
>>18083714
Failure to realise a critique of an absurd comment is not a direct reflection upon the person saying it.

I dated twice and had a few one night stands, but that was about average. Sure there were a few sluts about but you grossly overestimate the volume of sex taking place between different partners. Most of the sex was between couples.

>>18083711
pls do so my man
i already know
but then again
if she turns out to be not as perfect as i think, which i already know that its going to happen, i will accomodate myself to that
i already know that this person is not perfect. i even told her that i have a crush on her. i just cant bring myself to "unlike" her.

Brutally CRUSH her skull

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>>18083752
Here's an example then.
The 17 year old inside me would assume it means something significant.
The 21 year old would expect to see some kind of change of circumstance next time I see her.
My current self (24) knows this is just being friendly. If she were attracted to me she would have given some indication in person or escalated a little bit that night.

Yes. What helps is crushing less by noticing red flags and appreciating more subtle things (woman shows empathy, shows less narcissism, etc). That comes with experience and you're only 19 so you're fine.

>>18083711
You can actually do it but it involves a LOT of self-control. As a matter of fact, the past two girlfriends I've had were crushes.

On the other hand, you are correct though in that if you do not have self-control and just go by your feelings, even if you start to date things spiral down to you coming off as needy, pathetic and following her like a puppy dog.

However if you exercise self-control, stay confident, do your own thing, etc, your crush won't even notice how into her you are. This negates the imbalance of investment and sometimes even causes it to shift towards her putting in most of the work.

>>18083801
I have far too much self control in that respect. But I find it painfully frustrating. I burnt out the last time I tried after about a month or two of mixed messages after dates.

>>18083781
lel
just
epik
disgusting normies

>>18083837
Trial and error. You learn from it.

Other things that REALLY do help:

Casually dating multiple women

Always try to lead to fuck on first date. Worst case scenario she declines but that's it. Women understand guys like sex so they're not going to slutshame you or anything lol

Keeping busy

The worst bit is what I think you're talking about, where you two are not official but just seeing each other and you are crushing even harder. If you are still doing what I listed above, you tend to not get burnt out. That and how many times you will fail when you are just starting off/have little experience.

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>>18083801
i just want her to be mine
desu i dont have the need to be around her
i just want to spend time with her, fuck her, have fun with her and learn more about her
i quickly get bored of people and things, so i dont even think that a potential relationship will last long.
its just that feeling my man
i cant stop thinking about her
when i wake up, first thing i think about is her, when i am bored, my thoughts shift to what she may be doing etc
its been like this for 2 years
i honestly dont think this is normal
and i had the very same feeling with another girl 4 years ago
however, after i got to know her better, i quickly forgot about her
that and the fact that i stopped seeing her daily and that she got a boyfriend
with the cirremt girl, i went much further. i actually talked with her about how i felt and so on.
of course, we didnt talk much, so at no point did i expect her to reciprocate my feelings. but when i told her i had a crush on her i hoped her to reject me.
she couldnt even do that. she just stood there, clearly discomforted. then told me that she doesnt know how she feels about me and that now is not the time.
i literally begged her for a clear rejection. and she couldnt give it to me.
you can guess how greatly that affected me.
i swear, i just want this to be over with. i am graduating in 4 months. i have to study to attend a good university.
but i am completely helpless. i just dont know what to do.
i can tell you guys more, but i dont know if you're willing to listen. i have bored too many people with this already, and nobody could truly help me.

>>18083801
As someone trying to get a certain girl for around 2 weeks and with little to no experience, what do you mean about self control ?
I understand that you have to try not to come off as needy but how do you avoid her thinking you're just being friendly and are not interested in her ?

>>18083890
> i just want her to be mine

I relate 100%. Once I'm official with my crush I go back to my normal self. But it's the process leading to that which fucks me up because I have to control myself.

> i honestly dont think this is normal

Wrong! It is so normal! You're talking about a crush. I've been there. We all have. Shit, a lot of art is based on people crushing.

> however, after i got to know her better, i quickly forgot about her

This is healthy. You were infatuated but then realized she isn't for you.

As for the rest of the stuff, I get it man. It sucks. Not much you can do outside of maybe casually dating other women but if you're busy, you're busy.

Many years ago I once crushed on a woman who liked to dress like a metal head so it was hard to figure out if she was fat or just wore T-shirts. When we got to fucking and she was about to take off her clothes I mentally was like "plz b fat" because I knew that if she was fit I'd have zero reasons not to fall for her.

She was fit. At least we got to fuck a few times before she cut me off for being "needy." I did learn from that.

>>18083890
>I just want her to be mine
Your concept of love is impressively under-developed given that this is your first sentence on the matter in your reply. Possession is not love.

And then your drivel onto how you're living in fantasy land for years on end. It'd probably be wise to just ask her out, and get it over with.

>>18083846
>>/r9k/

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>>18083934
i do not love her. and i did already ask her out. read what i wrote again.
i suppose a better wording would be: i want her to be at my side

>>18083919
well, you actually fucked your crush. i am sure my crush syndrome would vanish the moment we'd start actually spending time together.
i hope you are right my friend. i really dont want to spend so much time thinking about girls and the like.

>>18083966
> well, you actually fucked your crush

Well yeah this was my early 20s and I started to understand how to physically escalate without being too aggressive/creepy and that even being rejected for sex, if you read her well enough to know she does want you at least physically, isn't a bad thing at all so I go for it the first night if things are going well. This took time.

> i really dont want to spend so much time thinking about girls and the like.

Yeah just date more women. That "i dont give a shit" attitude become more normal until you meet someone who you still crush on even after spending time with her.

>>18083992
>Yeah just date more women.
hmm.
despite being quite popular in my school, i am actually asocial. i have 1 closer friend. i dont even have female friends. most girls simply do not interest me.
since i grew up with no female friends either (grils were disgusting xd), i barely know how to talk to girls.
its not like i dont have the opportunities. i just reject any girl that isnt my crush.

>>18084035
>>18083992
but please continue to tell me about yourself, im interested

>>18083489
i'm the same way except nowadays i don't brutally crush anymore. i see things as if i want a girl in my personal life she's gonna be a partner i can walk through life with. i don't feel the need to have a ton of friends the opposite gender like most men and women do. i get it though, it makes you feel more masculine and reassures yourself that you are wanted- having a ton of female friends. i know this cause i used to be like that. guarantee at least one of those girls gets closer and closer to me. but even then! why would i want a gf who goes for guys like that? it's like an infantile thing for people to do this. and MOST do do this.

i'd say no, it's not normal for you. because it's simply not the norm. now is it wrong or anything? no, i think this thinking is more right. keep doing what you do if it is working out for you.

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Look up Limerence on google, not really advice but that seems to be your problem. Wish I could help you but I'm exactly the same. I've been in a similar situation with a girl for two years and it only ended when she got a bf. Worst thing is it's happening again, but at least now I'm getting closer to the girl. I don't think she wants anything more than my friendship but she's so fucking ambiguous, she's very nice and polite and friendy and I can't tell that apart from flirting because I have 0 experience with grils. I can't tell if she enjoys my company or if she's just being polite, and I'm afraid of asking her out because I can imagine her accepting out of pity or to avoid hurting my feelings or something like that. Wish I could go back to grade school and send her a note asking "do you like me" and be done with it. Sorry needed to get that out of my chest

>>18083489
>>i either brutally crush on a girl or literally dont give a shit

Sounds about right. You want to watch out for those girls who will lead you on while other girls show interest to show the other girl that she has more sexual clout.

I missed out on literally dozens of chances in my teens chasing the wrong ones while I was completely blind to the great women throwing themselves at me.

>>18084904
atleast you're spending tine with her, man.
i just want to get rejected. the issue has been on my mind for too long.
good luck senpai. i think we are in the same boat

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>>18083781
>tfw i'm also 24 and all I see is you being a dumbass by texting her a Bye like you don't have other things to do in your life when you parted and having a conversation with her over the phone before you met like a F R I E N D

whatever you do, dont marry a crush because it wears off after a while

>>18083490
Came here to say this.

It's normal to be selectively "easy"

It is completely normal.

When I become infatuated with a girl and find myself attracted to her, I think about her when I fap like the creep that I am.

learn to self control and not engage/interact just because of physical attraction

if you have any 'built up attraction' just fap it out

Probably not. I had the same thing in middle school and high school. It means that you need to get your feelings in check.

>>18083489
>>18083496
Yes it's definitely normal, when I was that age I was either completely besotted with a girl, who was the target of all my attention, or I couldn't give a fuck about them

Don't worry, you will mature over time, like all of us

You will realise that no girl is perfect, for one thing (far from it - nobody, at all, is perfect, and thinking so is just fucking stupid)

At your age you think "yeah I know but I really fancy her!" - I think what you realise over time is that there's no point in staking that much of your emotions in someone that may have no interest in you.

That's what adult dating is all about really. Adults realise that there is no point in staking so much of their feelings on somebody who may not even like them. So people tend to take things a step at a time, that's why they have dates to get to know each other.

Or you end up fucking some random girl from a club because you both wanted sex and were both drunk - that's of course another perfectly acceptable scenario.

But yes, getting besotted basically only leads to disappointment, which is why most people learn not to get besotted; because it's a waste of time.

>>18083489
>>18083577

Normal, you're a child who is a virgin and, obviously, with 0 intimacy.

It's like guys who focus on one chick and project their feelings onto her just because she did something nice/smiled at you. Lack of "other options" and lack of intimacy with other humans so you think "this is the one/your one lucky break".

>>18086694
It's funny because almost everyone I know does this, experienced or not. The thing is, they are selective with who they crush on - it's never just because the other person is nice to them. Rather, it's because they are attracted to them and probably read into the interactions they have with the object of their desire.

>>18086746
Well, my 2cents:
I used to do it when I was a virgin, but after banging chicks and talking and just hanging out with a lot of them I realized the old "a cigar is just a cigar". Makes sense?

>>18086915
It does, but how high or low your standards are determine your subjective value judgement of the "quality" of each cigar. I'm going to hazard a guess that you don't sleep with every woman you meet, and that of the ones you have slept with, not all of them you would necessarily be in a relationship with.

The OP issue sounds like he is choosy with who he even tries to be with. Of course, he may have issues and hangups stemming from his childhood that affects how or why he crushes on certain girls and these patterns may not be healthy. Who really knows except him though?