What are good, deep conversation topics you've discussed

>>18082312

one thing my friends and i discuss often is the whole 'chance' factor.

my friend was very anti-paranormal, but had a strong sense about 'destiny' revolving around us.

whereas i actually manage a psychic and am involved with spirit BS and have trouble believing things happen for a reason.

he traces back how we met and how radically different our lives would be if we hadn't met, not just for he and I, but for our other friends as well.

he is right about the sheer coincidence of it all.

I'm a faggot who asked him out on a date cuz he worked at the yogurt stop next to the restaurant my roommate worked at. he was straight so turned me down but i offered to cast himi n a short film i was working on.

he was so bad i had to reshoot the whole thing without him, but through that we soemhow became best friends and 4 years later still going strong.

my other friend I actually met while at a graveyard. i forgot to bring a towell to sit on so asked if i could sit with him, we hit it off and have been great friends for almost a year now, he actually just left my apartment an hour ago.

it kind of decosntructs your relationships and makes you think about WHY you're actually together, even if you don't believei n fate you have to wonder what it is about the two of you that keeps you close when there have been a LOT of wrenches thrown in that should have fucked it all up.

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>>18082322
Yeah, it's insane how certain kinds of people, as if by magic, gravitate toward each other. When I first met my best friend he thought I was a cringey autist faggot and avoided me for a week, but then we discussed politics and found some common ground and somehow we became very good friends and unknowingly nearly the same friend circle.

We've changed each other so much, but still remained the same in many ways. I can be honest with him about anything, it's great.

>>18082347

>avoided me for a week

my earlier relationships were like this but these days i seem to hit it off really fast and im enjoying that. im of the mindset that friends are different from romance and family becuase those two hinge on circumstance i think.

whereas friends, if you had yuor memories erased and ended up in the same room, you'd end up being friends again.

family you only really have cuz you're born into it. love is very circumstantial, right place right time.

but with friends its just about who you two are and i think thats why they're the best reunions after long periods of time.

>we've changed each other so much

i know that feel hard, i feel like im hitting this age and level of sappiness where all my friends and I do are go on big fucking adventures then talk about how much we learned from each other about ourselves like some fucking sitcom

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>>18082357
Wow, that thought never actually crossed my mind that you would still become friends even if your memories were erased and you were locked in a room.

Can you ready describe how exactly you have been changed by them? I feel like I've become a stronger person and not just physically (he actually taught me how to work out and probably saved me from being eternally lazy and unfit), but I've been more confident in myself. He's also given me constructive criticisms and so much it's difficult to explain. I've been able to vent nearly all my crazy views, frustrations and cool thoughts to this guy and get the same thing in return instead of judgement and awkwardness. I can actually trust this guy with pretty much anything. You don't find as many people like that as you'd think.

>>18082371

a million little ways in each week. ive noticed how critical i am and slowly over the time have gotten better about it, ive become less demanding, less self centered. in the bigger picture I've learned to let go of some of my intimacy issues thanks to him. before we met i would not hug, even though i legit asked him on a date i refused to hug him, or anyone for that matter, but in time it got to the point where i love hugging him and my other friends.

on his side I've taught him a lot about open mindedness i like to think, but also to think outside of the moment, which was a problem of his.

>locked in a room

i didnt quite mean locked in a room, anyone will either become friends or kill each ohter if that happens with enough time. i more meant if two friends had their entirely history wiped and then found each ohter again, they'd hit it off really fast.

circumstance may have put you together but unlike romance and family i feel it is actually how you react to one another that keeps you togehter.

in family its the fact that their family that brings upon constant forgivness and acceptance. in romance its desire, passion and fear that drives people together over and over again.

but im just on a big 'friends' part of my life right now.

im anxious about the day that they all partner off in a more serious sense and im left behind.

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>>18082384
Jesus, the mere thought of these people exiting my life is depressing. They've improved me so much and are so fun to be with, them leaving sounds awful.

Do you have any tips for becoming friends with new people? I'm certainly no master of socialization. What tips of the trade have you learned over the years on making new friends and finding people like you or really anything on this matter?

>>18082312
>The nature of faith
>The nature of love
>How people learn
>The hubris of mankind
>Why abortion is bad/good
>Discrimination against gay people and where it comes from
>How the dynamic of attraction works from the viewpoint of males and from females
><insert esoteric topic here>

I'm existential as fuck sometimes though, so this kinda shits always blipping around in my head

>>18082416

the only tips i can give are

>Do what you want
>talk to people when you're there

meeting is the easy part. making legit friends is harder as you get older, people become more walled off.

for me i think its important to make one on one time. in Los angeles its a bit eaiser because you can go out to eat with one guy and its not considered gay here, whereas in a normal sized town two men who dont know each other well who go to eat are 'man dating' and that just makes it harder to get past.

but one on one time is what brings people together. when you're in a group you are reluctantto share private information, its hard for anyone to get a chance to say something on the deeper level.

on top of that, long periods of time help. with my new friend its impossible to see him for more than a few hours which sucks cuz its a proven fact that 'sleepovers' are what bring people together. its the reason middle schoolers act like military-brothers. because they 1) spend so much time together and 2) believe that they are facing some extreme hardships

those bond peoples.

but it starts with just talking to people. i went to a cemetary screening of nightmare on elm street. than i just talked to the guy next to me. now were horror buddies.

i went on a bus and was bored of 4chan so i just talked to someone next to me, now were hiking buddies.

i asked out a guy at a yogurt stop. he was striaght, so now were filmmaking buddies.

>>18082416

but yeah, brace yourself for the inevitable end.

friends dont break up the way romances do, but they do fade out.

you might get annoyed when a friend meets a girl and suddenly puts her ahead of you. and for awhile he might backslide back to being a good friend. but in due time they move in together and while you like her and shes cool, he becomes more and more distant.

you become the person wh odoesn't have those deep conversations with him, you just become the friend he sees for the occassional reprieve from his wife.

and god help you if they have kids. you'll still be their uncle, but you'll be pretty low on his list of priorities at that point.

depressing desu cuz im just not a romantic, im not a dater, and id can see the end coming and its going to hit me like a train. im so used to moving on because of my military upbringing, this is the first itme ive had a long term friend that lasted more than 9 months. and the loner it goes on the more it'll hurt when it ends.

ill survive of course, ill be fine, ill make new friends, others like me who simply aren't ever really going to 'settle down'. probably. or i might end up being that last guy who settles down, reluctant but just not wanting to be alone. but that doesnt sound much like me.

im rambling now

>>18082423
Are you married? If not, will you be getting married later on? How old are you?

>>18082435

no. i dont really date. im more of a 'fling' kinda guy. im also only 24, but i dont see myself ever really dating, maybe a few here and there but i tend to go into a relationship knowing when it will end.

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>>18082429
I like these sorts of emotional ramblings to get all of my feelings of my chest about my niche interests and insights. When I think about it, that's literally what I do with my friends.

>>18082441

i feel ya. 4chan tends to bring out the 'bro' in strangers. i think its the anonymous aspect to it.

its easiest to be open with people you are either REALLY close with, or literally don't know.

anyone in betweens a risk

>>18082384
Your insight on unconditional family love vs. friend love is absolutely true. You have to love your family, your friends are kind of your choice.

>>18082444
This is a great site.

>>18082449

pretty much.

you know that phrase 'blood is thicker than water'

well apparently the full quote is 'blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb'

which basically is meant to say that the bonds you make with friends in life are stronger than that of the family.

funny how they twisted that.

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>>18082449

i like how you omitted romantic love from my comparison btw

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>>18082482
I guess I omitted it since I've never actually felt romantic love. I understand what you're saying about how romances and friends end differently and are driven by different elements and that's really interesting. It makes you think, why is this the case? Why don't we pursue relationships based around what brings friends together? Do we crave the danger and uncertainty?

>>18083422

ah my bad. a lot of guys (or peopel in general really) tend to worship romance above all else, so when you omitted it i had assumed you were doing the same, insisting that if two people loved each other they'd love each other regardless of the circumstances, which evidence shows just isn't the case. it is the most fragile of human relationships and the hardest to create, let alone recreate. my bad.

>why dont we pursue relationships based around what brings friends together? do we crave the danger and uncertanty?

well the big problem with romance is that a large chunk of it is driven by sexual attraction. romance is a random set of tingles and a large part of that is how someone looks. we tend to focus on how they look first, and then see if they match personality wise. this isn't wrong per se, i mean i dont even see the point in dating if you arent attracted to them.

however, there's a seperate issue with dating running parallel to this that ruins it, which is the cultural obsession. romance has been the subplot if not THE plot of almost every single movie, TV series, book, or story in general. even if its not a romantic movie it always ends with soemone getting the girl, the couple falling in love etc.

despite it being the 'sub plot' people act like its frequent use makes it THE plot. some people watch shows simply to see who ends up with who and watch the long term romances develop.

its so bad that a lot of people who saw the film 'lala land' have decided that its ending is BAD because the two characters did not end up together. despite the fact that both went out and accomplished their literal life long dreams and found happiness, the audience could not appreciate it simply because they didn't romance one another in the end.

>>18083525

cont.

so when you're fed a steady diet of romance and disney fairytales where love is the only important thing, you begin to believe that you can ONLY be happy when in a relationship. most single people spend their time whining about being single until they get a girlfriend. not all, but quite a large majority. look at this board for instance. people dont even care about hwo their partner would be they just need SOMEONE to validate them and tell them they can have romance.

so as a result, they dont care. most men will date the first reasonably attractive girl who says yes to them. they will go in a line and ask out every girl they see or talk to, and then whichever one says yes, is suddenly the love of their life.

so instead of finding people you legitimately enjoy being with you just find someone who gives you those tingles, that crushy feeling, that sense of chemistry that stems from attraction, and then you just do your best to make that work.

its a very poor way to forge romance.

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>>18083535
Yeah, you're spot on. I've actually felt this way about romance in media too, it's very overrated and seeing how much of our changing culture is being imported from Hollywood, people's naivety and obsession when it comes to romance can be quite disturbing.

The main problem is that physical appearance comes first. Romance often leads to people hating each other, it's a bit saddening, though there are a few people who genuinely click with each other. It's interesting that romance can end up with people shutting off their real friends for some girl. Since I was a kid, romance in shows and movies always annoyed me and seemed a bit forced at times. I'm still thinking of the full version of the blood is thicker than water quote, I really liked that.

People are desperate for romance, right now though, I care more about my friends, but in my 30s or so I want to settle down with a woman and raise kids. Do you think a man and a woman can form a genuine fraternal bond that can match or even be stronger than a brotherly friendship between two men? What makes a good marriage and what makes a bad one?

>>18082357
What kind of adventures do you go on with your friends? The other day I remember we were sneaking through some swampy area as if we were in the military, but trying not to get out shoes muddy. We stopped a few times, listening for breathing and footsteps which surely enough we heard something and still have no idea what the hell it was. At one point where we were near the fence guarding horses in the nearby residential area, a dog started barking loud and a lot and the owners came out, we were still and listening. The owners turned on their flashlight and looked around their yard and it felt amazing and cool. I used to play a lot of video games and it felt like I was playing a stealth game in real life. It all started because while we were talking I decided to explore the flowing water and squat on the further rocks in the water and somehow morphed into something bigger. It sounds so childish, but it was so much fun. We are planning on going camping and hiking when we get time off. This is the stuff you just can't do with certain people, people who aren't like you.

>>18083698
* a fence guarding houses, not horses.

We were in an urban city next to a residential area.

>>18083669

>people's naivety and obsession when it comes to romance can be quite disturbing.

whats worse is its pretty hypocritical too. they will often preach that 'there's no such thing as soul mates or true love' in regards to other people but as soon as they are having heartbreak they act like its the magical fairytale deal and their life is ruined.


>in my 30s or so i want to settle down with a woman and raise kids

i dont think ill ever want this. im known to change so its possible i will but ive just never really been big on romance, even in my romantic stage of life in the teen years i was pretty accepting of independence because of how often i moved. i was a military brat so i moved every year and i had no illusion that we were magically going to work out long distance.

it makes me sad that i know all my male friends will turn to nuclear families one day and ill just be that weird uncle who hangs out when he can.

>do you think a man and a woman can form a genuine fraternal bond that can match or even be stronger than a brotherly friendship between two men

its hard to say. the fact that you can divorce after having kids shows that even something like that can't bond you together for life. its really hard to say.

in friendship there's a less specific to dynamic, while you may have very co dependent friendships, you still have a sense of self that lets you do what you want without worry.

with romance you dont have that. you have to check in every time you need / want to do something and that makes it hard to function as a human in general. it wears thing really fast.

romance is also a rush of chemicals so that changes over time. the love you experience when you've been together ten years is not the love oyu experienced when you first met. and for a lot of people thats disappointing.

cont...

>>18083710

cont..


i think its possible, but it was eaiser in the old days because there was a head of household. a man was generally in charge and a womans job was to follow him, so she'd be forgiving of losing arguments. i dont mean this to be misogynistic either, i think women lead relationships could have equal success.

but in todays romantic field you are expected to be equals and that leads to competing.

im trying to think of a good parallel, but its kinda like parents. growing up you are dependent on one another in your lives, but your parents are in charge. you go 18 years of loving them despite horrible fights cuz you give in cuz you're the kid and its your job to give in.

but in romance you dont have that anymore. its not someones job to give in. with the power 'balanced' people are more inclined to break up than they are to work on their problems.

whereas friends are distant enough to not be dependent on each other in those ways ,they can continue to make their own mistakes and friends dont hold it against htem. theres that sense of self.


i hope im making sense

>>18083698

that sounds fun man.

>it sounds childish but its fun

they say we never really grow up, we just stop doing things we liked becuase people begin to judge us.

i was big on games of imagination, you know running around pretending to fight evil and all that. i did that until MUCH later ages than most kids did, and then i transitioned into basically playing wtih action figures (or id use cards to represent characters) in private so that people wouldnt judge me. id just tell myself really long stories using the pictures / figures as character basis.

i still basically do that though, i live in hollywood now and im trying to make it as a writer. i never really grew up i just started using humans as action figures to tell my stories and called it 'art' cuz people are less judgy.


>what kidn of adventures do you go on

not your kidn unfortunately because we live in the heart of the city. but we have fun. the other day it was raining so big it was flooding so we were having fun trying to run through the rain, getting around the 'rivers' that appeared in our streetsw, yelling about how cold it was.

then afterwards we came back to my palce adn watched entourage and drank coacoa with whiskey. it was such a comfy day.

other times we go to vegas and have a blast doing that, we do lasertag, or slack lining, some of my friends do nudist hikes or nudist hot springs and stuff like that, we go to conventions togeher or see whatever trouble we can get into.

>>18083698

im leaving anon, it was a fun chat and if you happen to read this it was great meeting you.

>>18084090
Nice to meet you too. I learned a bit from this talk too, you wouldn't think that would happen often on 4chan. Your comments on patriarchy are what I feel too. Free spirits like us are very similar in many ways, I think that's what brought me so close to my best friend. I wonder if one day I'm going to lose this part of me to secure a marriage. That sounds really depressing, but time will tell. Best of wishes to you Anon.

>>18084250

>i wonder if one day im going to lose this part of me to secure a marriage

unfortunately likely. its sad. men still maintain friendships after marriage, sometimes even with the same guy, but even if you find time through all the hard work there's jsut that underlying tone of knowing that you are at the bottom of each ohters lists as far as importance goes.

>>18082312
>Arthur kills the president
He should have done it 8 years ago.