I've always felt subhuman and not a proper person and ugly

>>18080709

I guess you found out what many of us are wondering. If finding a significant other will cure our insecurities and self loathing. Guess not.
Embrace your feelings, allow yourself to be okay with them and carry on. I bet you have your up days, enjoy them.

>>18080709
>ive a massive emotional complex for my entire life that stemmed from past trauma
>entering a relationship didn't fix everything

Get into therapy, preferably soon. At some point you get too old to change.

>>18080727
I've been in and out of therapy since I was 15.

>>18080720
>up days

Not really.

You still hate yourself?

What have you done about it?

>>18080816
I don't know what to do about it.

>>18080820
You don't know what to do about what?
What is it that you hate about yourself?

File: pinocchio.jpg (23KB, 450x340px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 450x340px

>>18080824
I don't feel like a proper person, physically, mentally, I feel inferior.

I spent my childhood and adolescence being bullied and rejected by everyone, so I ended up hating myself

I can look at myself and tell myself that I have arms and legs and all the right organs like everyone else, that I'm a real person, that my tits and pussy are genuine and not botched/inferior/disgusting

I feel like a loser of epic proportions, something that's crawled out of the sewers, an annoyance to everyone around me, and a sexless lump, it's laughable to think that someone's attracted to me and wants me

I want to be a real girl.

>>18080848
How do you feel inferior?
In what way are other people superior?

>>18080875
I guess I can't find a real reason except maybe my face doesn't quite look right, my body doesn't quite look right

I spent so long (from the ages of 7 and 16) being treated as disgusting that it just sort of permanently stuck to me.

I don't feel human.

>>18080848

I want to get in touch with you Pinocchio. I'm lonely and I could use the company.

>>18080709
I feel like I know you because everything you have said matches up.

So I will respond to you as I would to the person I know who is going through this.

Being around crazy people makes you crazy. The people who bullied you in school don't know what a woman looks like. Every girl at our school had pin straight hair, straight figures, was of a different race, and felt their own standards of beauty were threatened by your existence. We were different but not ugly.

Those who looked down on you at home, I apologize for being a part of that. The deep seeded reason was not because you were ugly, but because your unique genetic traits carried over from the other side of the family. The family that has been alienated and literally demonized. I remember family members whispering in disgust, "She looks so much like her dad's side of the family." when we were young.

I remember feeling like I should stand up for you, but I don't know why I didn't. I hate that I am a participating factor to your low self esteem. And if I could take it all back I would. As we got older, I personally grew jealous of your freckles, your hazel eyes, and your hair. I was jealous that you were smarter than me. I liked to bug you because I felt threatened by you. And a lot of these feelings were rewarded by our family. I'm sorry I was a shitty sister.

You are beautiful, A. I love you.

>>18080881
Maybe your face and body don't look quite right?

Has it ever occurred to you, that perhaps instead of attempting to define what it feels like to be human, you should just listen? That, instead of focusing on superficial issues, you should view an image as a whole?

I assure you that you are very human, because as humans, we are uniquely alone.

No, the issue isn't physical. The issue is you. It isn't that your body doesn't look right, it isn't that you don't feel human, you have no choice. The issue is that you don't feel that others view you as an equal. You're worried that you're going to disappoint others, that they'll one day find out that you aren't as smart as they thought you were, or that your butt is offset by 2.6mm to the right. You're anxious because you're so busy trying to figure out what everybody else is thinking instead of just living and experiencing. While you are sitting here feeling bad about your unfortunate butt offset, other people are gaining experiences, memories, and enjoying their time with like-minded people.

You are perpetuating your own problem.

If you want to solve this, you need to take the first step, and be willing to take some hits. You've got a boyfriend, somebody there to remind you that you're beautiful at the end of the day. You're doing fine. There is no, "I'm bad at this." only, "I want to get better at this!".

Stop relying on other people to validate your way of life, and who you are.
Live, experience, and laugh. The rest will come naturally.

>>18080930
OP here, I don't have a sister or freckles and hazel eyes

But your post is lovely :)

File: anxiety not everything is about you.jpg (140KB, 476x719px) Image search: [Google]

140KB, 476x719px

>>18080937

>>18080937
>You've got a boyfriend

He came too late. Why couldn't I have had a boyfriend earlier? It's because I'm leftovers that someone finally settled for

I've missed out on so many experiences like young love because I just wasn't pretty enough.

Well I'm sure you are a wonderful person whether you believe it or not OP.

At the very least you are better than the scum who bullied you.

What do you enjoy doing? What are your aspirations?

>>18080956
Too late by whoms standards? What did you do in highschool? Is your boyfriend leftovers?

Young love.
Hormones, taboo, cutesy notes, and a lot of words kids don't even understand the ramification of. A lie lived in desperation. Tearing each other apart just as much as you hold each other together. Most of those couples ended in brawls.

Perhaps there was something to be missed, but perhaps that's simply pessimism. Life isn't about what we can't take from things, but what we can.

Things aren't innately special. We give them that significance.

>>18080848
You are a real girl! And even, if you think that your face isn't quite right, every face has something beautifull and it also depends on the person, who sees you! Bullies just search for a random person to bullie it's not your fault! You're not unhuman, but everyone who doesn't accept you is! I bet you are a very nice person and there would enough people, who would like you as their friend, you just didn't found the right people!

And in case, you still think you're unhuman, many people including me think about themselfs the same, so even if you would be "unnormal" you wouldn't be the onlu one! It doesn't matter how you are there are enough people, who are the same! :)