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>23 years old
>homeless
>no one in my family knows
>I moved to california 2.5 years ago.. have spent all of my savings on motels/food
>down to my last bit of savings..
>I am mentally unstable
>which is ruining my relationship with GF
>she wont introduce me to her family, we have to sneak around because I stay at her house some nights without them knowing - since I'm homeless..
>most days I just pace back and forth thinking WHAT AM I GOING TO DO, while never actually doing anything
>I am scared of what my life has turned into
>I will stab myself in the knee with scissors until their is a huge gash and I am bleeding just to stop the negative racing thoughts
>diagnosed with depersonalization disorder/schizoid/ocd 3 years ago (before coming here)
>I just want to get my life back..
>use to want to travel, live on the road, work, learn how to surf, make art.. now I just want to stare blankly out the window all day fearing my own existence
>what the fuck I have wasted 3 straight fucking years of my life.
>at this point I feel I am experiencing extreme ahnedonia
what do I do? I really want to get better.. I want to be a normal person - go on vacations with my girlfriend and her family, not have to sneak around like a young teenager.. I am a fucking grown man with lots of recourses but find myself stuck a dark mental space that I cannot snap out of ever. should I go to an outpatient mental health program? should I get myself sectioned? I mean.. my whole life has been/is like a full self sabotaged, homeless, indecisive, miserable mess.. I want it to end.
Any advice will help ~
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I took a ceramics class, that helped with my anxiety and gave me a focused mind.
idk
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>>18079067
OP here
*typing from mobile.. excuse any errors*
I forgot to add, I have also been lying to my family for 2.5 years, they think im working - they think I have a vehicle, they think i have my own apartment. I just lied so they wouldn't be concerned but lately I have been thinking of just telling them I lost everything (job/vehicle/apartment due to unemployment) I dont fucking know anymore. I am so fucking LOST.
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>>18079075
taking ceramics would be cool but it's not going to solve the fact that I am sleeping in the bushes at the beach some nights and wasting my savings on motels most nights because I am having existential crises' every single day and unable to make decisions.
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>>18079079
>>18079083
I think you need to let go of your pride and just tell them, you need to stop putting all this weight on your shoulders you can't hold on your own. Familial support is good.
Since you've had a job prior, try finding another one if you can, just to get all the negative vibes off your mind. There's a reason why NEETs are more depressed than wageslaves; when you're preoccupied with menial tasks, you don't have time to think about nihilistic thoughts.
Thread posts: 5
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