Thread replies: 18
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
File: Confused Nick Young.png (298KB, 600x512px) Image search:
[Google]
298KB, 600x512px
I love the dude I'm with. He treats me like an absolute queen, stupidly so. He loves me to the moon and back, and thinks the world of me. He makes me be a better person too. That said, he is a bizarre, bizarre dude with his thought processes.
The issue is our communication. Tiny disagreements snowball into these huge fights about the argument itself. The root cause is our complete inability to communicate. It's the weirdest thing-He'll put words in my mouth I never said, and argue that I did. Sometimes he'll say I said the exact opposite of what I actually DID say. He'll switch focus to something that isn't related to what we're talking about, without acknowledging whatever it is I just said. When I point out that he's changing the topic, he'll respond by saying I changed the topic a second ago. When shit gets bad, he usually gets so upset I let it go and come back to it later.
I can deal with most of it. The main thing that makes me lose my shit is when he tells me I said the exact opposite of what I actually did. And it's not like he's slightly misquoting or exaggerating my words. I'll say "my shoes are black" and he'll say that I said "my shoes are not black." Or he'll add or subtract something that never came out of my mouth about the shoelaces too. I wish I was exaggerating, but it gets that bad almost every argument. It's to the point I only want to discuss shit via text so there's a record of what was said, because it makes me so insane. I shouldn't have to do that man. What am I supposed to do when the most basic of discussions can't even happen? I swear it's not on purpose, but how the fuck could it NOT be?
tl;dr what do to do when your SO misquotes/puts words in your mouth to a ridiculous degree?
>>
Stop acting like a child
>>
>>18076455
You could at least tell me how I'm acting like a child.
I don't see how seeking help on what to do with someone who I can't seem to communicate with is childish.
>>
>>18076461
I think you're not fucking enough 2bh.
>>
>>18076469
haha that's one area we don't have issues in.
My best friend said he has customers do this to him with his business, but I think that's moreso people trying to get away with saying he quoted them less than he did, etc. He's started recording his business calls and quotes he gives now. I don't think I should have to record disagreements to prove I didn't say what he's claiming in a healthy relationship though. I'd like to just know why it happens....? How I can fix it...?
>>
>>18076480
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pathological_lying
>>
>>18076483
are you saying he's lying or I am?
It happens in texts as well, but I just screenshot and send him what I actually said- which works. But that's ridiculous to have to do.
>>
>>18076486
Him. Some people can't help it. I don't think he's doing it for fun at this point.
>>
>>18076446
Google borderline personality disorder, and cluster b personality. See if that reminds you of your bf.
>>
>>18076488
that's really upsetting. He cares about me so much, I don't think he'd do it to hurt me. I mean logically, it makes sense I guess... He argues with me like he REALLY believes it. As in: "HA! GOTCHA! YOU TOTALLY JUST ADMITTED XYZ THAT YOU WERE DENYING EARLIER!"
And I'm just.... "that....is the exact opposite of what I just said."
He had a pretty fucked up childhood and parents. His dad is an arguer like himself, but a narcissist and moocher to boot. Mom super sweet and a severely emotionally damaged person who used guilt a lot. I had great parents and a good childhood despite being dirt poor, so I can't relate.
>>18076489
Aside from this he's incredibly sweet and patient. He doesn't do any push/pull shit with me or my emotions, thankfully. What aspects do you see in this example that remind you of those things, if you don't mind?
>>
When people get angry neither side will say or act in a way to resolve/talk out the problem. Once you get mad logic goes out the window and only hurtful things are said to intentionally hurt the other person. Once I get mad I try to walk away to cool down. Stop n think.
Bottom line, when you argue about something it has to be "talked" out and not yelled out.
>>
>>18076511
I'll admit, it STARTS out talking; disagreeing with what I say is fine; but changing what I said and arguing about it, I lose my shit. In fact, my fuse with that particular situation grows shorter each time. I feel insane.
What should I do to not freak out about it?? I feel like if I step away to cool down and come back... he'll deny THAT he ever changed what I said to begin with.. lol which will make me lose my shit again. Is what I'm saying making sense?
>>
unintentional gaslighting............is that a thing?
>>
>>18076446
OP, regardless of the topic, you sound retarded and annoying. pls kys. thanks
>>
>>18076446
Tell him what he's doing.
He's not treating you like a queen if he's lying to you to convince you you're the bad guy.
Obviously there's problems in the relationship other than him doing that and you should try to see it from both perspectives. Perhaps he's unintentionally sabotaging things because he has a problem.
>>
>>18076572
I do tell him. It's as if he doesn't see it. I wish I could explain how bizarre it it is. Do you think he's purposefully lying? It's almost as if... he wants to not be wrong so bad, he'll change my words so that it matches how he feels...?
I'm sure we have other issues, but the dude is hopelessly in love with me, wants to marry me, etc. The sabotage thing doesn't jive. He's so thoughtful and patient and kind, but when a disagreement pops up, he just switches gears. He hates to make me so distraught, yet he still does it.
I can't control him; so I guess I'm asking what can I do to better handle it when he does this?
>>
he's the kinda guy that won't admit he's wrong and blames everyone but himself?
you're dating a child, or someone with the mental age of a child, developmentally stunted at the v least
>>
>>18076600
We're both good at admitting if we're wrong in the end, and I appreciate that.
The difference is, I don't bend the reality of the words he's said entirely during an argument, and he does. Which makes small tiffs that would be squashed in minutes turn into blow-outs. I can't deal with every small thing needlessly becoming a battle over what was/wasn't actually said by me.
Thread posts: 18
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1