I'm probably going to break up with my girlfriend. I'm

>>18075532

>How do I not let her trigger me?
>constantly being accused of lies, stalked, suspected of cheating
>don't see it getting fixed

Leave.

>>18075532

Just fucking leave. "Okay, you say I should find someone else. I'll get to work on that. See ya, thanks for nothing."

>>18075538
I know, the problem is i don't wanna get into a shitstorm when i'm about to drop the bomb. And i don't see me breaking up with her via phone or a message. Whatever's happening, i have to meet her face to face. So, how do i keep my cool?

>>18075532
Just talk to her got damn it 90% of the relationship problems of this board could be solved if the OP would just talk to the girl fuck show her this post if you can't do that it's all the same goddamnit shit

>>18075549
Mate, i know i have to do it. Problem is, i want to do it with dignity and not let her get me into any of these stupid arguments. I want to avoid any aftermath, and that's why i'm askin you guys.

>>18075555
Just explain why you're done and tell her goodbye.

Don't leave any loose ends. Of course, you have to be 100% sure of what you're doing but if you're already at that point, talking about it is straightforward. This is your unilateral decision, not a negotiation.

>>18075555
Then tell her that????

>>18075555
Checked
There's no good way to do it. Just sit her down and say the "i think we should see other people" line, rip the bandaid off all at once.

>>18075555
Trips of faggotry

>>18075560
>>18075570
Okay, that's something i'll keep in mind. Before our previous argument i also asked /adv/ how to keep my cool. What i found out is that no matter how much i talk about how certain things affect me, when she speaks she only attacks. I know that if she crosses a line, i'm gonna retaliate. How to avoid that? Also, what am i to expect from her? She'll probably try to make me stay, how do i deal with that?

>>18075587
Don't give her the chance, say what needs to be said, then leave once you've made things clear. Don't waste time fighting when you're already broken up.

>instigating trust issues by hanging out with female "friends"

if you destabilize her, she's gonna lash out at you, just how it goes.

>>18075622
Believe it or not people of different genders can be friends without wanting to fuck each other. You might even experience this first hand once you graduate high school.

>>18075617
Okay. But i'm quite affraid she won't stay quiet and will talk about stuff that only she knows. Like, after all that stuff i am concerned that she will share my secrets.
>>18075622
Not even gonna evaluate on that. She didn't tell me she has trust issues way after i told her that i forcing me to abandon my friends is something disgusting.

>>18075638
Just do it man, nothing good will come of dragging this out.

>>18075649
Okay. I'll just wait until she messages me that she's "ready" to talk. If she spills then i'll just have to deal with that, lesson learned.

>>18075633
I understand it's possible dude, but usually, a guy would prefer his lady to be present. I can see it happening in long distance relationships because there's no other option other than to just hang out with friends anyway. But put yourself in her shoes.

She's probably thinking, my boyfriend sais he loves me, but he goes to these girls houses, doesn't invite me, tells me he's just friends with them, meanwhile, one of her friends is probably in her head like "aw naw girl you don't need that". All a while it IS an innocent friendship. But trust is developed by proximity and continuity, not by hanging out with the opposite sex while you're trying to develop trust in said relationship..

both sides of the story, people give up too easily.

>>18075679
>both sides of the story
Bullshit. Since she asked me to not see my friends i didn't see them once. Hell, i asked her if she wanted to meet my friend. She said "no way! You're just doing this so i'll accept that and won't do say shit about it"
She clearly stated "i'm your gf now, no other women allowed" A female friend from uni invited me on facebook - 2 hours later she tells me that it made her feel sad and asks me if i find that girl attractive.

When i see posts like this i can't even comprehend how people can be so dull. If you're comparing me to yourself then fine, but guess what not all guys go out and whore themselves out just because they have a female friend.

>>18075694
Actually no, I don't whore myself out to women. And in fact, I've been in your same situation. Only long distance, so really I had no choice but to hang out with friends, if she was present, I'd have been going places with HER instead.

Maybe she was used by somebody with too many female friends before, and got tired of the bullshit. In my case though, it actually brought us together, then we'd hang out with friends now and then.

She's partly right to say that it's just a social experiment with another female that you're trying to normalize. You're squeezing another girl in before her. If she's your girl, she SHOULD take center stage. Maybe not to the degree things are now, but she probably sees those girls as competition and she's not down for that whole competing for your attention bullshit.

If you hang out long enough with your girl, I can almost guarantee she'll get bored and start hanging out with your friends eventually.Women hate monotony, even if they love security.

>>18075735
And you keep pushing the "you don't prioritize her over your friends" thing over and over again. Can't you even see that i am not allowed to have ANY contact with any girls? Fuck, my friend came to invite me to her wedding and she made a fuss about it.

She wants to know what im doing 24/7. I have no freedom nor my own time. I ask her if she'd have something against me seeing a friend i haven't seen in 2 years and she says she doens't agree just because she's a girl. Doesn't matter she has a stable relationship etc.Trust issues are one thing, but telling anybody that they have to kick somebody out of their life and stop being themselves is not love. Period.

Maybe stop accusing me of things you're mentioning, because how i see it now is you're projecting stuff you did onto me and try to validate your own actions.

>>18075782
I wasn't really accusing you of anything. I was just sharing perspective. Ultimately the decision is yours. But if you have no freedom, and especially as outlined in the examples you stated (the girl is taken, not single, getting married, etc) that shit is toxic and you definitely need to run.

In this situation, really only 2 things are possible, either your gf is embarrassed about her cruddy decisions and now feels too ashamed to even participate in activities with you, for fear of being looked at with indifference.

Or, she fuckn cray brah run, like, go.

>>18075807
Well, maybe i took it too personally. Sorry. As i said, she said she wants to be literally only woman in my life. Zero contact with any other women who aren't my family. She stalks my facebook, when i come over she questions me why i did x instead of y and is super suspicious about everything. To add context: We both had other relationships. What's ironic is that i'm the one who got cheated on in the past, while she has no such experiences. I had no problem trusting her, while she always acts like i'm potentially guilty.

>>18075833

>she has no such experiences

Probably if she's this controlling and vindictive it's because she was the one doing the cheating.

>>18075532
Not gonna lie. Hanging out with a female best friend more than her alone is a huge red flag and its actually your problem, not hers.

>>18075807
>>18075833

I'd ask her though, if I was you..

"are you scared of what my female friends might think of you?"

just to check ya know, she just might be bottling in old insecurity.

you should just talk to her about insecurity in general, and how to work around it together. like, at least try bro, don't let a sour patch mess up a potential lifetime. this may be one of her only flaws(?)

>>18075845
this is also a thing.
cheaters tend to be overly jealous.
because they know how they play their cards, so they assume others are playing their cards the same.

I wont say that's OP's situation though, we just don't know.

>>18075845
>>18075855
She might be seeing it that way. Another greentext story to bring context:
>1.5 Year ago
>We worked together, she was my boss, i had a ldr while she had 10 yrs old relationship
>We became very close, but nothing happened
>She kept messaging me and talking about how her relationship was falling apart
>Didn't make any moves then
>It lasted till september 2016
>I made my moves then
>She recently admitted she was thinking about getting intimate with me when we were working together
>She also said that when i was making my moves she was during "rebuilding her old relationship"
You guys judge this, i am way to biased to see it.
>>18075854
I'm not even seeing my female friend at all, yet she still suspects me of it.

>>18075855
OP Again, sorry for double posting.
I asked her what's the reason for her to be so insecure. She told that she's scared that i'm gonna cheat on her. She flat out said that she can't trust me because she's affraid i'm gonna be unfaithful.

>>18075872
Tell her then, that you and her can work on that insecurity, by going places together.

>>18076026
I told her that, but she just doesn't wanna do it. She'd rather push her insecurities on me and see me adapt to her. It's been barely 5 months.

>>18076040
Dude tell her it's toxic behavior, it's not conducive to anything positive and it's going to pull you guys apart. Just make her aware it will be alright, the two of you together simply going about life, visiting friends and family. Don't even bother mentioning girls because it's just human experience in general that she seems to be lacking.. i dunno though.

>>18076129
emphasis on TOGETHER


I gotta with her on the single girls though, from my experience, women who are single, and see you in a relationship, suddenly begin to behave stupid, not all of em, but boy, a lot of em

all of a sudden you're more attractive because they see you going steady and it's like their poor little vaginas can't take it. don't play into the dumb shit women do.

>>18076138
i gotta agree with her* rather

>>18076129
>>18076138
Guys, i tried to do what you're talking about a month ago. We had the same problems, i wanted to solve them together. Problem is, i can't force her to want to change her behaviour. We had a month of "trying" and in the end i realised we're in the same place we were before. She just doesn't want to do anything about it. I gave my best and tried to do it, while all she did was sweeping stuff under a rug and prettend nothings wrong until her behaviour makes me feel tired and misarable. Hell, she'd rather slam the door and give me cold shoulder than talk. She only wants to talk when she sees she loses control.

>>18076152
She'll stop that if one, you take a break from each other. Or two, you call it off. You don't even have to find someone new, just give her time to realize her behavior ain't cute anymore. She should WANT to go places with you, and not bore you to death.

Maybe she's just an angry introverted kid, who prefers peace of kind over trivial party gathering bs.. if that's the case, I can identify with that, just distancing myself from big groups, social events, it's a distraction to me, I prefer small family gatherings at most, unless it's a special event. Maybe that's how she feels(?) In my case, I began to wonder why my ex had so many guy friends and she'd hang out with em..

i have a theory that some people have a hard time overcoming "play", like youthful childhood play, so it feels nice to surround themselves with people. Maybe they had a sibling that left to college or died, so they fill that gap with loads of friends(?) Whereas other people either grow up only children and feel complete simply settling for another person, maybe because an abundance of friends is just unnecessary stimuli(?) They may not even be only children, they just like the idea of going steady without interruption. I identify with that behavior, yet I find myself attracted to girls who are the very opposite (extroverted, sociable, approachable, active, but a little introverted too). Life ain't easy more bro, whatever you do, I hope it works for the best, for the both of you.

>>18076201
The biggest problem for me right now is that i feel i can't deal with that. I tried, i did alot and i'm still the one who's doesn't get any trust. And with all the stuff that she pulled on me i started having my trust issues towards her. I for example can't say that i'm 100% sure she won't make a scene at the wedding. When i was unaware that every promise she wants me to make is taken literally, she talked how she wants to be the only woman i'll be ever dancing with. After all that happened i am very worried that if for whatever reason i'd be dancing with another girl (even the bride) she'll just flip her shit and make a scene. Sorry, but that's a dealbreaker for me.

>>18076234
The actual fuck? I know the girl who invited us to her wedding since childhood, why would it be bad to dance with her once?

Like, if you're not trolling then i'm seriously concerned on why the hell would you think that a stupid dance would mean ill thoughts?

>>18076245
No, I mean I guess it depends on how her husband feels about it, but no, if you knew her since you were kids, I don't think the husband (who I assume you know) wouldn't mind.

I dunno anything about your life or the way people behave in your neck of the woods, just perspective I guess. But it may just taint something innocent so forget it.

>>18076261
Okay, i'll elaborate on the dancing part.
My point of view:
>It's okay to dance with my friends, my cousin's fiancees etc.
>It's not okay to dance with some random chicks
Her point of view:
>It's not okay to dance with any other women besides her, excluding my mom, sister and my cousins.
now female friends one:
My point of view:
>It's okay for me to keep a friend who i had sicne childhood, even though she's a girl
>I don't see anything bad in seeing somebody i used to study/work/whatever with to talk about their life once every 3-6 months, regardless of their gender
>It's not okay to talk with my exes and i'm not doing it
>It's not okay to chase other women and i'm not doing it
Her point of view:
>It's not okay to keep my friend, and she has a right to expect that i kick her out
>It's only okay to see people i studied/worked/whatever with only once every 3-6 months if they are guys. Girls is me trying to cheat
>Talking with other girls is shady, and should be avoided.
>Ideally, she should be able to freely browse my phone or facebook account.

It's not about girls anymore, it's about me letting her take full control over my privacy and allow to be constantly supervised.

>>18076245
and yes i was trolling i guess. sorry

>>18076279
No problem. It's 3 am in here, being tired and this whole situation just made me irritated. I'm also at fault, sorry.

>>18076277
I agree with her that it looks like cheating if you're talking to/hanging out with single girls, or even girls who may not be single, but are sluts anyway.

That said. I only agree in terms of APPEARANCES. You see, the way things APPEAR to be, are sometimes just as bad as if they were happening.

I'll give you an example. Say your gf was totally the opposite, she's a party girl, drinker, likes to hang out with the girls, etc. So you go and tell your mom you wanna marry her, your mom reacts, sure you wanna marry her? I don't want you getting hurt by this girl, anon.

And you see, she may not be a hoe, but upon visual observation alone, you can assume she's not exactly wedding material. We don't know that for example maybe she's a veterinarian, has good grades in school, has good hygiene, whatever. All we know is that she's a party girl. So now the girl develops a bad rep, your mom disapproves. ALL. PURELY. APPEARANCE.

My point is simply, because something CAN be done, doesn't mean it SHOULD be done. So it's perspective to take into account, remain professional, respectful, etc, and you wont dig a grave for yourself.

I still say though, she's choking you, she wants to control you way too much, and she needs to loosen up. Take her out dancing or something, i unno.

>>18076308
Well, i understand the differences in our way of thinking now. My parents/family always gave me free choice in who i hang out with or who i date. The way i was brought up was, there's no love without trust. I know that there always are things that need to change. But, if i love somebody, i love them for who they are, and don't try to force them to change and fit my lack of trust.

Another matter here. I spend like 90% of my free time with her. I am not seeing other girls nor i'm constantly spending time with other women. Hell, since we're together i've seen my best friend like 2 or 3 times. She makes it sound like i'm hanging around other women all the time she's not around, and i'm not. That's like total lack of trust. I never gave her a reason to think of me as a cheater, and to be constantly suspected of it when i was the one who got cheated on in my previous relationships is unbearable.

>>18076332
>90% of free time with her
the more you talk about her, the less horribe she seems. not her behavior, but the fact that although this is happening, you still spend a great deal of time with her.

Maybe the idea of friends all together is just a weak concept to her. It kinda is to me, in person. I prefer meaningful relationships to trivial ones. Like I don't even have a facebook for this reason.

Does she have any friends at all? If so, does she even bother saying anything to them?

What I see OP requesting in this thread comes down to "I have no self-control, someone give me some self-control."

We can't. Self-control means you need to control yourself, not expect someone else to do it. You don't want to argue? Then don't argue.

Need tips on how not to argue? Use Google.

>>18076406
on second thought..
nah i mean.. i dunno her, but yeah, it's still toxic between you two

Are you me OP? My ex used to do all this shit with me, and guess what, I didn't met any girls, respected her words till I found out that she kissed someone in a club while I was home, I met her the next day, asked if she had fun last night and then I slapped her, I couldn't resist the urge. (she fucking grinned when I asked her). Leave before she does that to you