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So... I used to be really depressed so I started seeing a psychologist who helped me a lot.
We discovered together that I have an inferiority complex that's linked to the way I was treated by my brother when I was younger... I now can see how he pushed me so hard into believing I was shit until I actually believed it.
When I was around 9 yo, my nickname was 'shit', cuz I was shit at soccer...
The point is... This complex has made me lose so much... I never feel confortable around women because I think I don't deserve a healthy and happy relationship... I'm always in the supporting role in my own life.
I've fought so hard to beat this feelings, I've come to terms with them, but nothing changed... So I started trying to respect it more, as if I just didn't want all those things I'm not getting, but I can see my life go by and I'm here... Like a little kid, without taking hold of what's mine, without manning up to do great stuff because, well, deep inside I think I'm shit and I don't deserve anything...
All that was put into such a lower level after a few years of therapy, but this days it seems like it all just came back. I'm feeling so depressed, so hopeless... I'm wondering if I'll have to live with this feeling of inferiority for the rest of my life...
My psychologist wants me to forgive my brother... As if that would bring closure to the feelings... She says all he did made me a very empathetic person, it made me who I am... But I can't see how this overgrown empathy could ever help me... It makes me suffer, it makes me see suffering, it makes me wanna help people, give them what should be mine...
I mean... I don't even know what to say... I'd like you guys to give me tips on beating this inferiority complex and all the jealousy and envy that I feel with it.
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>>18072363
You know what they say, success is the best revenge. Become good at something, become the ideal version of yourself, become smarter, kinder, fairer, more brave. Do things, have new experiences and meet interesting people. Get a job you like, find someone to love, become proud of yourself. Write a list of things you'd like to accomplish and don't give a shit whether you "deserve it" or not, just start working on it. The one day, in the distant future you'll look at your brother and realize that he's really nothing special and in fact you did just as well, if not even better. Don't forgive him, make him your motivation.
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>>18072372
Thanks for the reply, anon...
I wish I could, but all those thoughts and feelings of underserving are unconscious...
My behaviour changes against my conscious will...
Funny you say, I have that list. I have fought and have accomplished many things on it, I don't wanna pass the impression I'm not moving... But still, the important things to me always escape my grasp and I realize it was my fault...
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>>18072384
>I have fought and have accomplished many things on it
Then you're getting there. As long as you're trying, you're doing better than most people who are in a shitty situation in life. You have to realize that victories don't come overnight. It's two steps forward and one back, but as long as you keep trying, you'll probably improve all the time.
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>>18072395
I've been seeing my psychologist for 6 years now...
And I still see myself with the same problems, with the same feeling of inferiority...
It's changed in some ways, as I don't spend 100% of the time in it, like I used to. But still... In 6 years I couldn't win, I couldn't break free...
I feel helpless, hopeless, because after all I did, all I've grown and accomplished... I still feel like shit... Like I don't deserve...
I don't know if I can take a life of this.
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