What is true "love"? When do you know you love someone?

>>18070828

>When do you know you love someone?

then it's over ;)

>>18070833
What do you mean?

>>18070828
I would define true love as being with your best friend for the rest of your life. I knew I loved my girlfriend when we started dating. Idk how exactly to put it in concrete terms, but I just had a feeling that dating her was a path I was willing to go down as long as she'd let me. Love is always destructive on some level. Nobody is perfect and people will hurt each other whether they intend to or not. Circumstances are important. Everyone is unique and so is each relationship. You develop your own tolerances. To keep it brief in my experience anyway.

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>>18070828
I define true love as having a mutually happy, successful, monogamous, lifelong relationship.

In order to achieve this, you have to have mutual and incredibly strong compatibility, attraction, and love in the different key areas. There are many theories illustrating this, such as pic related, which is Sternberg's Triangular Theory.

Another way to look at it is being compatible and attracted physically, mentally, and emotionally. You lust after each other like lovers, are the best of friends, and love each other like family.

>>18070847
Is there something you can do when your love is unrequited?

>>18070857
I wouldn't say never because that is a very strong word, but practically speaking, It seems as though typically there isn't. It all ties back to your specific circumstances though. In general I would say your best bet is to do the best you can and even if it doesn't work out, you know it isn't on you. But again, that is a very circumstance specific question.

>>18070860
Well, to put some context. I'm pretty sure I loved my gf (ex at this point), there is this feeling that you just can't explain. About a week ago she started acting pretty odd, I felt she was distant and shit. Today she broke up with me, she told me that she doesn't want me out of her life and that she will always be with me. I'm just lost, idk what that means.

>>18070871
As a disclaimer, I've not been in this circumstance, so everything I say here is pure speculation, so don't take my word as law. My first reaction to what you've said there without any background knowledge is that there may be some infidelity going on there, or a crisis of conscience. It seems as though obviously she had a major change of mindset for whatever reason, it could've been gradual, or sudden. My best guess is that she probably doesn't know what she wants either. She may want to see what else is out there while retaining a comfort tether. I don't know anything about her, so the judgment call is on you, but she may need some space. I can't think of anything you could do that wouldn't agitate her at that point. So it may just be over. Again, I don't know your relationship/situation so this is purely speculative based on what I've seen from you.

>>18070881
Yeah, I've been thinking about that too, maybe she doesn't know what she wants. I technically said "I love you" to her a lot of times, and maybe she's scared, I'm her second boyfriend after all and the first one cheated on her. Maybe she saw that things were "serious" and got scared.
Ty btw

You'll know it's love when you feel fear, instead of desperation upon attraction.

Desperation usually leads to poor choices, you'll probably jack off to the thought of a person you simply "like", whereas you may stop craving an orgasm all together when you fall in love.

The attraction overpowers temptations that were present before. That attraction will put you in a trance near the person, and when they look at you, you will feel that fear increase, but it's a fear mixed with attraction. You will wonder, if admitting your attration to said person will lead to something serious.

Then, once it's a real thing. You'll know it's love because they're THERE. Those who love you, are simply there. Or they wish so badly they were.

Love can be pretty destructive, sure. But it also has the power to make people do amazing things.

Are circumstances important? Howdo you mean?

>>18070871
She's just being polite, you're already out of her life.

>>18070890
I'm not sure what you mean by technically, but if you did say that and she never said that back, she may have been freaked out. Shit she my have been even if she said it back. A ton of people get nervous committing like that in their first few relationships. She is likely insecure after her first boyfriend cheated, especially if it was serious. I know I'd have felt betrayed and suspicious if it happened to me, and I didn't even like my first girlfriend. If you don't mind my asking, how old are you guys?

>>18070901
I thought that too, until she said something like "But I need to know if you're willing to be there for me"
This is weird

>>18070904
I'm 20, she's 19

>>18070910
Don't be her emotional pillow while she goes off to explore with other guys. She may want to have the cake (you), and eat it too (them). So you can be straight up with her. "If you go off and fuck other guys, consider this our last conversation." That simple. Don't allow yourself to be emotionally mistreated by someone who refuses to be commited.

>>18070904
>>18070915
Also, I said "I love you" literally. She didn't say it back

>>18070915
Ah, yeah. When I was that age that was how things went. Nobody who considers themselves basically good wants to be the asshole. Thats what makes relationships hard there. She likely didn't want to commit, but she wants to not feel like a shitty person and keep you peripherally involved. Honestly just ask her what she wants. But as the other guy said, you should remain skeptical. Even if she comes back, on the basis of what you've said, I think there are other people out there for you.

>>18070923
>>18070924
Yeah I think it is time to call it quits for sure on her. Trust me, there are other girls out there. Just go out and do your best to enjoy your own life, better girls will come. They are attracted to people who can not be shitlords and have their own lives. When you get there, you both will know. If you don't feel like you can trust in your girl and say without question that she feels the same about you, its probably not the one. Also in my experience, she has to love you more than you love her for this to work.

>>18070920
Yeah, if I see that she is going to "fuck" other guys I'm just going to be out of her life by my own. I'll probably won't say anything, but still

>>18070924
That's kind of the thing, she left me on uncertainty. I couldn't help myself but cry, so I couldn't say much either

>>18070937
I think the best thing now is to be the class act. Don't be a dildo and act like an "alpha male". Just talk to her, but accept that for your own good, it is over. Be nice, but be firm with her about you wanting to do your own thing. Trust me, it blows hard now, but life is long and you'll find better girls.

>>18070958
It sucks, I really feel like shit. I guess in my next relationship I won't become to attached to my partner.

>>18070989
Oh I know the feeling. It fuckin sucks. But don't let this girl deprive you of the opportunity for intimacy. Absolutely be more skeptical, but you only do yourself a disservice if you stay suspicious of everyone you date. Don't let her take that from you. Just learn what to look out for and do your best to communicate. There is always a chance that you could get hurt, but that is the human experience. And to be cliche, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

>>18070998
If nothing else, you enjoyed the good times in the relationship, and you learned something valuable from the bad parts. That is how you grow as a person.

>>18070937
You don't have to say anything either if you feel it's disrespectful. Just saying, don't let yourself be used. People can destroy you, sometimes they don't even realize they're doing it, but they are.

>>18070898
If you swap the word "fear" for "anxious/anxiety" I'd agree with most of your post.

>>18071010
I suppose love is destructive to some extent. The interesting part is that I can't hate her, I thought i would but I can't
I feel hollow, but I guess I learned something

>>18071013
I think is more uncertainty than anything

>>18071020
Hate is overrated. You did your best and you learned. You weren't the asshole, and you didn't look like a needy bitch yet. Most people can't say they pulled that off. That would be a win in my book.