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So TL;DR I grew up a sad, sick, disabled, isolated person. Surgery and medication has helped with my disability, so now I'm able to have a much higher quality of life now. I have friends, I can regularly leave the house and I even have a boyfriend. Although social cues are still a bit hit and miss to me.
My friends and I have a local bar we like to go to. It's quiet, it's comfy and we've come to know the owner. We went there on Friday and some tipsy older guys started flirting with me. I've never been hit on in my entire life so I didn't know how to react, but I knew I didn't want to be rude. I tried to be polite yet aloof and then get out of there when my drink was poured. The owner was there at the time and he told them all I had a boyfriend (which I appreciated, I didn't want to respond to 'Hello' with 'UMMM I HAVE A BOYFRIEND'), but then he said 'But look who's enjoying the attention!'.
To make matters worse, I told my boyfriend when I got back to my seat. He got mad at me for not coming to get him ASAP so he could tell them to back off. I thought this was some drunken machismo on his part, so I talked about it when he was sober and yes, he's still mad at me and yes, that's still supposed to be the protocol for if that ever happens again.
I just don't get it. I don't want to be rude and obnoxious and aggressive, but the flipside to that is being told I'm loving attention? And if a man talks to me, I'm supposed to tag in my boyfriend to start a barfight in my honour?
What the fuck am I supposed to do in the future? Are women just supposed to shut down all male conversation by being a bitch, otherwise she's a slut?
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>>18070474
Just politely say, hello back, and if they say anything flirtatious, say thabks very much but I'm seeing someone.
Your boyfriend's being a bit of a dick for sure, but men are protective and knowing your past he prob is ultra protective but doesn't realize that your past is why you reacted.
I straight up drunkenly was molested by an Uber because I just didn't know what to do because I never get hit on, my boyfriend was mad but didn't take it out on me. It isn't your fault, and you need to explain this and talk it through with your bf.
The bartender was just playing banter, you're not his only customer you know? It was rude of him.
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>>18070485
I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you, that sounds horrible.
I'm glad to hear I did things mostly right then. The person mainly doing the talking didn't say anything too flirtatious, just usual bar questions like if I was having a good night, but then his friends started laughing at him trying to flirt. If he said anything outright flirtatious then I would've rejected him, but then the owner came in.
I do think I need to re-open this discussion with him. I hate any and all attention, so the idea of some bullshit fight happening in my honour makes my toes curl.
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