Hey /adv/, I really need some advice.I know it's a lot to

>>18069336

Now, it wasn't abduct and force type rape. It was just non consensual sex. One day she was at a party and she had drank a bit and after the party she had no way of getting home, so this random dude from the party offered her a ride, and instead of taking her home right away offered to take her inside and feed her, and while they were up there he basically just turned off the lights and went at it. Keep in mind, my girlfriend is 17, this dude is 24, and she had only ever had sex with one person before him, her boyfriend who she was in a relationship with at the time. She says she was too in shock/afraid to say do anything about it because she didnt know how he'd react, so she just layed there and waited til he was finished and then he dropped her off home later.

She got super fucked off of this and her self worth dropped, and she ended up just hoeing around and sleeping with a lot of guys. She fucked five guys over a month by just going to parties and whatnot. Hasn't gotten any STDs or gotten pregnant or anything, but yeah. She even told me that she met up with the guy who raped her again for sex over and over again. She was still seeing him when we first met, but after she fell for me, she kinda found her way out through loving me.

Cont'd

>>18069343

I'm 18 (a year older than her) and I was still a virgin before I met her (by choice, not that I cant get any. I was just "waiting for the one". Also, to be honest I have pretty purist beliefs regarding sex, so the idea of hooking up never seemed ideal to me). I've never done any hookups or anything, only ever been sexually involved with people I was in a relationship with, and honestly hearing her tell me all this shit FUCKED me up so bad. Its mostly because I dont have any experiences with casual sex and whatnot so my beliefs on it are somewhat twisted, but like I've coincidentally come across bits of information and some little things shes told me that make me insecure as fuck to be honest. It's just that I can't handle the fact that there have been dudes who got there before me and had their way with her. It just feels wrong. I understand that this is an issue within my mindset because every girl I ever get with will have had a list of guys before me, but like Im working on coping with it.

I don't want to break up with her because I really love her and honestly shes perfect in every other way, her personality is perfectly compatible with mine. There are so so so many more details to the story, but Im just gonna leave it at that. If you guys want more details just ask. I dont have any concerns about her loyalty, her and I have made that part super clear, and she's acted upon it and everything, so I don't have fear that she'll cheat on me. My only concern is how the fuck do I deal with this on my own? How do I tackle this insecurity of mine? It just weird knowing that she could easily be comparing me to any other dude shes been with, and that any of those guys could just look at her and think "I fucked that chick," it just makes me feel like Im at a disadvantage. And I dont want to talk to her about it too much because Ill feel like a hindrance on her.

Cont'd (almost done)

>>18069343
>Cont'd
pls stop

>>18069344

P.S: I've had my fair share of people trying to convince me she's just a hoe who fucked a dude and regretted it and all that, and trust me I've thought through it and that's not the case at all. I know it for a fact.

If anyone can offer advice, that would be great. Thanks a lot for reading. I'll TL;DR here


*********TLDR************

TL;DR:

New girlfriend got raped once in the past, it made her self worth go down like hell, and in an attempt to validate herself, she fucked 5 guys in a month. I came along and she fell for me so she stopped being a hoe. I dont want to break up with her. How do I cope with that feeling of insecurity?

>>18069344
Get over yourself.

>>18069349
>I understand that this is an issue within my mindset because every girl I ever get with will have had a list of guys before me, but like Im working on coping with it.

>>18069349
This.

>>18069347
Hey fucktard you realize you're supposed to put the tl:dr at the start of your story right? Otherwise we have to slog through 4 posts of hot air to even get something relevant.


Also get over yourself and stop comparing yourself to others

>>18069356

My bad, normalfag tendencies. Comparing myself to others is sort of just a habit of mine desu I was raised comparing myself to others. Shitty trait I picked up from my parents.

>>18069357
So what are going to do about it? And how are you going to do it?

>>18069363

See that's what I'm working on right now. I've covered a lot of grounds on not thinking about it and keeping it out of my mind, but the issue is that some of these dudes are dudes that she still goes to school with or is forced to maintain contact with somehow. So that's kind of fucking me up. I wish she could erase them from her life. But what bothers me the most right now is the dude who raped her. Buddy guy is fucking 24. And I read the texts between them, this guy was super cocky and pushy sexually. I know exactly who he is and I want him dead.

>>18069368
So have her delete the texts/cut contact? Grab your nuts my dude and tell her what's good

>>18069373

See that's the thing. One time I coincidentally came across a convo she had with a friend of hers on Facebook talking about her past with a dude who I thought was just her friend. Right away I called her out on her shit and I said I want him cut, and she did it without hesitation. But the issue is that in this case, she doesnt even know I went through the texts. I just wanted to see if she kept them or not, and I went and found them. And she already sort of has a hard time trusting me with her personal shit because of that first incident ^ so I dont want to bring it up again. She doesnt delete anything from her past, she still has all her photos kissing her ex and shit (which I just saw on her laptop today) and that shit pisses me off.

>>18069368
He probably fucked her very differently to how you make love to her.

I'm thinking about a good comparison.

Probably like comparing sparring to a stabbing in jail.

Doesn't it turn you on that your gf is a little slutty though? I think it should.

>>18069389

Yeah I get you and she's told me that I'm the best sex shes ever had and that emotional sex feels completely different from a hookup, but at the same time I just dont like the fact that she can just think of that shit, you know? Its really immature on my end to be honest. She as a person doesnt really let go of the past easily so I feel like thats why it bothers me

And yeah it kind of does, like the pussy game is ridiculous and I fuckin love it, but when the moment itself fades, it kinda just goes back to the thought of her fucking other dudes which sucks

>>18069392
Go fuck a couple of chicks so you understand the "completely different" feeling you're talking about. When you don't care for a chick, you fuck her like you don't care. I believe that's what you're thinking about, right?

>>18069395

Yeah I was thinking that, it would have been helpful if I had my fair share of casual sex before this relationship, but I never have, so I cant wrap my mind around the concept and the feelings involved. Like thats such a weird relationship to have with a person.

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>>18069343
>She got super fucked off of this and her self worth dropped, and she ended up just hoeing around and sleeping with a lot of guys. She fucked five guys over a month by just going to parties and whatnot

Dude, listen carefully to this bullshit. She's talking complete horseshit. Believe me, no human being would start sleeping around when they got sexually assaulted. It's a bullshit lie in order to keep you on her leash, to rationalize her instability of being a keeper.

Stop rationalizing this mess, this story has more holes than Swiss cheese. If you see it from a psychological post-traumatic standpoint, it doesn't make sense. She's fucking unstable and pulls the rape-card in order to keep you in check, that you don't throw a fit as soon as you know about her sexual history.

Have more backbone and be skeptical for fuck's sake. Do you know how I that this story is bullshit, besides the inconsistencies? Because my ex lied about being raped. And the things you're mentioning, and all the shit you're taking because she's oh so perfect is - sorry to burst you bubble - fake.

Listen to someone who went through this horrible experience, my lad.

>>18069402

I get what you mean, but like I said, "P.S: I've had my fair share of people trying to convince me she's just a hoe who fucked a dude and regretted it and all that, and trust me I've thought through it and that's not the case at all. I know it for a fact." I've talked to counsellors, I've talked to rape victims, I've talked to friends and parents, I've done my own examination, the entire thing adds up. Like I said, there are a LOT of details I left out that are pretty key, but yeah. I appreciate the concern though, good looks.

>>18069402
Wait, so you can determine how exactly someone who went through a traumatic experience is going to behave? I don't think so and I also think that self destruction (if you can call fucking around that) is a very valid coping mechanism.

>>18069395
Look, be glad that she is a sexually healthy person. Also, fuck a couple of chicks so you get her, it's fun to bang someone who's a friend and not your angel. If you're a supreme gentleman like you claim that shouldn't be a problem ;)

>>18069415

Im already in this relationship, it's too late to go fuck other chicks. And no I'm not gonna take a break, and no there's not a chance we'll do an open relationship type thing.

>>18069412

Facts

>>18069412
The "self destruction" is not a thing here. If you got attacked by a bunch of guys while on a walk at night, you don't go out during the night for a while, or do you?

OP made his homework - so in conclusion, he should ditch her.

>>18069402
I was raped and it made me feel fucked up and I slept around more as a result because I didn't know how I felt about sex anymore.
I can see OP's girlfriend's reaction happening and being legit

>>18069421
Not them but getting attacked on a walk is a lot different than being raped.
Getting attacked on. Walk makes you question your security going out while getting raped makes you question your sense of worth and sexuality.

>>18069429
>>18069451

Can you guys try to explain to me why she would go back to the rapist though? I never understood that. Along with this, I don't think she looks at her pasts as a bad thing, she's not remorseful, she kinda just sees it as a thing she did.

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>>18069429
Oh sure, you've been "raped" then.

>>18069429
>I was raped
how big was he?

>>18069454

KEK

>>18069456
>>18069454

samefag?

>>18069420
Just do an open relationship for yourself. She doesn't need to know about it.

>>18069452
Because 'tis all lies, my lad. I tell you, for fuck's sake. Rape is assault, where your genitalia gets VIOLATED. It's not about sex only as some (((people))) want you to make you believe. Rape is generally fucking brutal if you're conscious and it is only logical to avoid sex for a long time, let alone talking about this topic.

>>18069458
Unfortunately, no. But I lold hard as fuck though.

>>18069421
How come it always ends up being a discussion about "not real rape" if the person isn't tied up in a van and shredded to pieces afterwards?

>>18069462
>>18069461

I want to hear you guys debate this. Also, same, that image fucked me up lmfao. Stay away from my shekels you greedy bastard

>>18069452
She probably felt bad about what happened and thought since she didn't say anything and he was her 2nd lay maybe she should just go back. Not sure but maybe she just felt confused.
And I don't feel bad about my sex after my rape either. I was just trying to figure myself out after all.
>>18069454
I was 18 and he was a 48 year old man who locked me in a room and raped me. This isn't just a "haha I had sex and regretted it lol I was drunk" type of thing

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>>18069462
Because this story has psychological inconsistencies, it doesn't add up. Been there, endured that.

What happened is that she went home with another guy and had sex with him even though she had a boyfriend. And then kept in contact with the guy, fucked him several times after, while also fucking a bunch of other random dudes.

At the very least, she has extremely shitty judgment (and granted, she's young), doesn't have any capacity to take care of herself to the point where she's willing to have sex with someone rather than speak up for herself and say "I don't want this", and was behaving in a way that indicates that she's not ready or capable of being in a committed relationship.

Is she still going to parties and drinking? Is she still talking to the guy who "raped" her? Because that's the shit that would be going through my head making me wonder if this is really someone I want to be with.

That she's had sex with other people isn't a big deal. It's how recent all this behavior was, it's wondering what the fuck she's done to deal with the "trauma" of being "raped", it's wondering if she's really changed her behavior at all.

>>18069467
Not everyone mentally experiences things the same way

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>>18069466
What has age to do with anything? He could be a buff 12 year old and done the same shit. What's your reasoning for fucking around then? I'm semi-genuinely curious about it.

>>18069468

I agree with you to an extent.

1. No, she told me shes done with parties and drinking and she doesnt want to be involved in it anymore. Every now and then if I want to party Ill take her with me and we chill together but thats it.

2. Not a chance. If she was, I wouldnt think twice about cutting her off.

Youre completely right regarding proximity. If this was all a year ago or two, it wouldnt be as big an issue, but I cant look at her and think shes a different person or she's changed. She's still the same person.

>>18069469
That's what (((they))) tell you.

>>18069466
answer this question >>18069456

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>>18069463
Thanks to this fucker I'm in the ghetto again.
Eh, I don't if I'm to debate it. This OP is all over the top. But I don't believe any shit about it. Understandable that he takes all of it though, because she's the first chick he fucked.

>>18069467
You make the fallacy to assume that everyone reacts as you do.

>>18069488
Dude, we're fucking animals. After such an experience your survival instinct kicks in and you (subconsciously) avoid everything related to the trauma. And you want to tell me she's one psychotic special snowflake and runs to the next best opportunity to go to the source of her trauma?

>>18069495
I've done terribly abusive shit to women and they came back, telling me and letting me know I'm not good for them. I've also overdosed on drugs and went back to take those same drugs. Shouldn't my primal, animalistic survival instincts have kicked in?

Just saying that our minds go deeper than that dick did.

>>18069499
They chose to get involved with the shit though, don't they? First, they make rationalizations to do this and that, and are already in the downward spiral. Victims on the other hand don't choose.

>>18069502
What's your point? Rape is only real if you didn't walk out at night in a short skirt?

>>18069502
No, don't lay words in my mouth. I was referring to your bimbos and drug abuse.

>>18069508
Wrong reference, fuck.

>>18069513
Which was an example for the fact that some people aren't smart enough to understand when they are fucking themselves up. It doesn't mean that the girl is lying about "going back to her rapist", it means that she is an idiot for doing so.

>>18069515
what

I'm sorry but it's gonna be like this from now on.

This is why other cultures are very upright up about the purity of one's daughter, as it can bring shame to the husband, brother, and her husband.

Imagine all of those women who rode the cock carousel, settling down with a husband and some kids having such a dirty past of.being taken advantage of or seeking cocks to defile her.

>>18069516
Dude, she is aware that she was RAPED and goes back to her RAPIST! It's not like she said "Err, yeah I kinda fucked with someone I didn't like but now we have contact anyways k lol". She said she was RAPED and has contact with the guy, then were promiscuous as fuck. IT DOESN'T ADD UP! That's my point. And OP provided enough shit to prove it further:
>>18069410
>>18069452

>swaggodlegend
>I'm very much ideal as a person

Jesus Christ, you sound insufferable

>>18069526
that's just regular 4chin delusion, regardless of whether this guy claims he's ""normalfag"" or not

>>18069526

LOL swaggodlegend is just stolen off of Brian Silva, that one white wannabe gangster dude. When I say Im ideal as a person I mean like... I bring a lot to the table. I understand how that can be a cocky statement but like I kinda just know what Im worth. I'm pretty good looking (or so Ive been told), tall, fit, super outgoing and friendly, I've got my life pretty much together with a good education/career path ahead of me, and yeah. Thats what I was getting at. One would definitely assume I have a huge ego but I really dont.

>>18069526
>ctrl F
>ideal
oh...
I guess you are the one guy who actually read anything above TLDR

>>18069532
Sorry friend, but that doesn't sound like an ideal person to me personally, you sound really boring

But I probably have extremely high standards (I like unbelievably intelligent men and there has to be no one else in the world like them for me to fall for them) and anyway ideal is subjective, you're going to be underwhelming to some people and absolutely perfect for others.

I'm sure you'll grow into someone great in due time :)

>>18069541

Meh, I'm not gonna go into detail explaining my personality to you, just giving you a brisk explanation, but my point is that people here like me. Theres a general perspective for all the youth here where I live, but yeah you serve a good point, it definitely is incredibly subjective.

>>18069546
>people here like me

Meh, I like outsiders, they're more interesting

Don't forget to do some travelling in your youth, new perspectives are enlightening :)

>>18069557

I've tried a bit. Not in the best position to travel a lot, but I mean I spent my last summer in Indonesia and summer 2015 in Greece so I get er done

tldr

bump for op pic, reminds me of my ex except with nicer tits

>>18069336

Just live your life, don't dwell on shit like this. She wasn't violently raped and by the sounds of it is in a place where she can move on from it now she's found you. You're going to fuck it up if you worry about it.