Sup /adv/.I'm 18 I think I'm depressed and have a mild

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Sup /adv/.I'm 18 I think I'm depressed and have a mild social anxiety but I'm not diagnosis. I don't have money to get diagnosis. And I can't go alone. I do sometimes think about killing my self. But it's just a "what if" situation. Sometimes I thought to my self maybe I'm just an attention whore. Because I'm so desperate to drop a hint behind. Maybe I just want someone to care about me I thought to my self. But I still have both of my parents. Am I greedy? For wanting a special treatment. I think I am. I have a friend when at age of 9-13. But and then a lot of shit happens and at age of 13-14. I only have my uncle. He's a great person. We always sitting on the veranda and talk about our problem. And then he found his special person. I was happy for him. But after that I found my self sitting alone at the veranda at night. When I'm 15 that's where it's got worsen. I don't have anyone to talk to. Like literally no one. I talk to my self and wall on daily basis. I even hope that I got schizophrenia just for the sake of hearings voice that did not consciously come from me. I can't share this sadness with no one except wall if that count. Not even my parents. I once tell them about my not yet diagnosis depression. And they just laugh it off. So how do I overcome this shit. How do I know that I really have depression and social anxiety. I don't have any pill or antidepressants pill. If you think I need one can a not prescribed people just by one. If you don't think I need one maybe you could tell me how to deal with it. Or maybe you could just hit me with the cold hard truth. Don't worry and sorry for disappointing all of you but I'm not gonna kill myself. At least not now.