Long love story about a selfish person. I'm a 19yo girl

>>18066473
I don't see us together anymore. Everyday I feel like I'm becoming his mother more than his girlfriend - I support him financially, I take care of his college work, I watch out for his health because he won't, and everytime I swallow my own devils to take care of his because I worry that much about him. I no longer look at the future and see us being married, having children, growing old together - and he does, and everyday he talks to me about our future kids and married life and I die inside and cry alone when he goes away. I no longer feel like having sex with him, or being intimate with him; more and more I feel like my love for him comes from emotional dependency from back when I was sill depressed and anxious.
Everyday I want to find a way to break up with him, but everyday he comes to me, cries, tells me about how much he loves me, calls me sweet nicknames and tells me about how he wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't there for him, and I give up. And I die inside because I feel stuck. He has no perspective for his future, took a major he figured would be easy enough, puts no effort into it, doesn't look out for himself; his family already expects me to take care of him like a fucking mom. I want different things - I want to follow my career, travel, do things with my life.
I don't know what to do. I can't find it in my heart to break up with him because I know how much it would break him - and break me, because deep down I'm still emotionally dependant on him. I miss him when he's not around, I feel anxious and sad when I can't see him, and how could I ever explain to his and my family why I broke up with such a loving, adorable guy? Because he is - god, he's a wonderful person, if not for his emotional havok. I can't find it in my heart to be that selfish. I fear that if I break up with him he'll fuck his life up, break, and even kill himself, because I'm currently the only thing holding it together.
I feel lost.
Thanks for listening, /adv/.

And just to make things easier
TL;DR; 2yo relationship slowly becoming toxic but I can't cut it off because I fear he'll kill himself

Well Damn.
Discuss it with a psychologist. Try to find if he suffers from depression for real, if he isn't just making that up.

>>18066473
1) Do it anyway.
2) He likely won't, but if he does then he wasn't going to make it anyway. That's his choice, not yours.
3) If he doesn't, he will come out of this a lot stronger and wiser.
4) I would say exactly the same thing if the genders were reversed. I've seen this happen to friends before too.

>>18066589
Definitely not making it up - I had depression (now controlled with meds and therapy) for years, and I know how bad it is. I just feel like most of the time he uses it as na excuse to get away from real life.
He won't see a shrink or take meds at all - been trying to get him to do it for a long time now.

>>18066598
Force him somehow then. I'm not an expert on this but if he won't try to solve this some of those possibilities, as in suicide, could come true later.

>>18066594
How should I even do that? His life outside of our together life is a mess - his family doesn't give a shit and doesn't believe in mental diseases, he struggles with money and college, I'm always scared he'll quit and try to kill himself if I leave - he tried suicide twice before we dated (only found about it ~6 months after we started dating)

>>18066601
I'm aware. Been trying to get him to see a shrink for a long time now, even offered to let him see my own psychologist - he saw one for about 2 months and quit after telling me it wasn't helping. Offered to get him antidepressives, helping him with things that made him happy, just nothing seems to work anymore.I feel lost because I do love him and want to help him - I just feel like I'm not In love with him anymore and it kills me.

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>>18066613
Well damn. If he took more than one meeting with the psychologist and to no avail, I can't help further. Sorry.

I'm in the same exact situation, OP. Don' really know what to suggest for you since I haven't made up my mind yet myself.

My girlfriend agreed going to a psychologist though. But it's already been three months and I see little to no change. Also I'm supporting her and also paying for psychologist.

>>18066618
I know, pal, not your fault. Part of me just wishes he'd do something unforgivable so I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving him, like cheating on me, hitting me idk. Or wish he'd find a good reason to break up with me instead - but I could never cheat on him or anything like that.

>>18066619
I offered to pay a good psychologist for him, even get him meds, he says he just doesn't have the time to see one because he's busy with college - complete bullshit, though.
I wish luck on us both.

>>18066627
Well, OP, are you already completely out of love with him?

There are only two options, really.

1) Stay with him, try your best to help him out to deal with his depression and overcome it, maybe after a lot of hard work you'll end up being happy together.

2) Leave him, he might do something to himself or might not, after some time you'll heal and most likely will find someone else to be happy with.

>>18066652
I don't know. I feel like my love for him comes from my emotional dependancy and fear of the unknown if he's no longer in my life - when he's not around, I miss him, not in a healthy way, but in a "oh god, what do I do now?" way - it slowly tears me apart. I no longer feel -in love- with him, I no longer feel the same strong physical attraction, but I worry about him a lot and am Always thinking about him, perhaps more as a habit, after a 2yo relationship, than love per itself. I know it mostly comes down to these two options - part of me wishes he could just change and be happy, focused and look forward to things in life, but part of me deep down knows I just don't see a future with him anymore, as I used to.

>>18066661
I don't know, be selfish once in a while. Think about yourself. Tell him all you've told here and now, tell how you feel now. And do what's best for yourself. Break up. Pick yourself up, care about yourself and become a happy person overall. If he'll change by that time, you might give him another chance. Tell him that. I know it's the hardest thing to do, but you need to stop turturing yourself like that.

>>18066675
I just wouldn't know what to do if I woke up one day with a call from his mother telling me he killed himself, or see him in a couple years and find out he fucked his life over completely.