I'm starting to doubt myself, /adv/ I'm starting to

>for the last 14 months been tested for ASD
>passed every test but they still think its ASD
>next 4 months is gonna be me getting "cognitive therapy" until i get to see a trauma specialist or something in late May

so a quick rundown on my symptoms today
>dissociation (learned the word today) everytime things gets too heated
>mistrusting of people in general
>constant anxiety in school buildings
>i think im gonna get pounced by peers or they think shit about me
>can't finish college and i'll probably kill myself if I had to try like it is right now
>awkward socially but not with people i trust
im not sure if im conherent cuz i haven't slept for 2 days
give it to me straight, is it autism

>>18062760
It doesn't sound like autism to me yet I'm no doc. You should really talk with a professional anon. I'm sorry things have been so terrible for you growing up. You're not alone in this even if you feel like it.

>>18062799
Thanks, but I've already been to a shrink for over a year. I can't see any light at the end of this one.

>>18062820
If you can, look for a different doc. Not every doc is a good fit for every person. I've been through at least four different docs and three counsellors. Your health and wellbeing matters. You matter Anon.

>>18062826
I'm getting a new doc in May, it's just that I except them all to be the same at this point. Thanks for the kind words, I just want a worthy life

>>18062838
I know what you mean. I used to think and feel the same thing about expecting all docs to be retards out to get my money and not give a crap about me. Really anon, hang in there. I've learned from experience not all docs are like that. I've been hospitalized and all that. I know what it's like to feel no hope and ostracized. Keep your chin up Anon.

>>18062843
Y-you too

>>18062846
Thank you : ) it means a lot. It's been difficult for me lately but I'm still doing my best.

>>18062852
Could I ask what's bothering you?

>>18062864
Sure. I've just been going through days where I feel absolutely nothing and am completely focused on things such as schoolwork and it's become very difficult to fake being "normal" and "ok" around my friends so they don't worry. I've already put them through enough. I'm trying but when I'm like this, it's difficult to keep going. That's why I come here. Because there are people here who understand.

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474KB, 1500x1000px

>>18062864
you are a very sweet man and 4chan is happy to have you

keep doing gods work anon. hope you feel better, op.

Wow, that sounds exactly like my experiences.

Never really got the whole apathy thing, it's more disappointment. I just lose all respect for that person, sort of like watching an animal go ballistic over something stupid. That sort of just became the standard in which I view people I don't know.

I do get loaded with adrenaline though, and schools do generally just harbor negative memories. Just pent up anger, I guess. I'm afraid of not being able to hold back, and just going nuts on somebody. I think that's actually a cause of my depression. I try not to express anger, because it can get out of control very quickly. As a result, I push myself away from everything. Probably paying homage back to high tension situations where acting first would give you an advantage in the conflict. Sort of the, you pull your knife first, and he's less likely to draw his.

It really doesn't sound like Autism at all. You've just had traumatic experiences, man. Somebody gets bit by a dog, they're going to be more careful around dogs. Same thing. Worst experiences of your life are tied to schools, so subconsciously it makes you anxious. You associate that type of behavior with schools.

I hope you're able to find somebody that's able to help you a bit better. It's kind of shit to jump straight to a prognosis of a developmental disorder.

Good luck, man.

>>18062870
I see. It's important not to feel isolated when things get difficult like that. Good luck, as I say every letdown has a rebound (sounds better in my native language) I wish you the very best
>>18062887
I'm OP and the one you replied to. And yes thank you I already feel better
>>18062892
I've felt that they've tried to pin it on me because I'm different. Then they get confused because the tests and interviews tell a different story. I just have to be patient is all.
The apathy is a different state of mind altogether, not even sadness exists. It's just empty. And maybe people get hurt by the words I say and even though I know that there's nothing I can do about the situation there and then, like a mental block is in the way.

>>18062892
And good luck to you as well

>>18062903
Thank you Anon. I wish you the best also. How is it said in your native language?

>>18062913
Hver nedtur har ei opptur

Milo Yiannopoulos is super gay and he loves getting dicks in his asshole. He drinks gallon jugs of gay guys cum while getting fucked in his beautiful gaping asshole. I wish I was the one sliding my dick into it.

>>18062915
Ok

It's ok to be gay

>>18062914
Is your native tongue Norwegian? It's a beautiful phrase. I'll keep it with me from now on. Thank you very much.

>>18062903
Hmm. That's strange.
Where are you coming from when you're being apathetic then? I mean, everything has to come from somewhere, right?

I mean, when I'm disappointed, it's not like I don't care at all, it's just that I realize the futility in further action, so I become quite blunt. Perhaps a form of threat assessment? I don't know. Sort of just pushing people to see where they are really coming from, even if it hurts them.

>>18062919
Yes, yes it is. I get the impression though your posts that you have a rare personality. I can't explain it. But please don't lose it in your troubles.
>>18062928
Anger or fear. I enter the state when things get heated in a bad way. And I can tell when I'm in it and when it passes. It's very distinct.

>>18062936
Thank you very much Anon. I'll do my best. Again, I wish you well. Have a good night.

>>18062936
Yeah, that sounds about right. It seems more like a device of self-preservation. Trying to probe the situation and decide the appropriate course of action. "Is this a fight, or not?"

As I'd said earlier, it's important to have the first move, especially when dealing with groups. Ties into environmental awareness too. Remembering a wrot iron bar you saw lying on the ground a block away, or a fence board to defend yourself. I still find myself remembering stupid shit.

Probably anxiety.

god damn, the love in this thread makes me feel warmer inside :3

Indeed, love from fellow Clovers is pretty warm and fuzzy ^_^