When I was 10yo, I got an N64 and fell in love with video games.

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When I was 10yo, I got an N64 and fell in love with video games.
I played a lot until I was 15, throughout this time, parents made me feel shitty for doing that. Saying stuff like I'm wasting my life, that it's the reason for me having a headache to a stomachache, etc.
At school also told the same, girls made fun of us, etc.
I hid that "part" of me and tried to move away from it.
I discovered programming/hacking through video games and it was my newfound passion.
Fast forward, focus on that, be a CS major, graduate, get job right away making good money.
Love job, love what I do.
Develop general anxiety disorder outta nowhere, see a therapist that suggest getting back in contact with the child version of myself
Start playing video games again, but every time I have this guilty feeling happening.
I meet a girl through playing online.
She's the dream girl of my 16yo self: Gorgeous, funny, loves the same weird shit I love.
We broke up months afterwards, but in the meantime I was rediscovering myself.
No longer feel guilty for video games and anime
Now I feel left alone to do so, and I can't do stuff like watch Breath of the Wild trailers without almost tearing up

I feel like now that I'm successful, and have money, I afford to be a child again in a way?
But now I feel alone as fuck... Like I'm never gonna find someone I can share this experiences with