How could I keep my death from hurting the people who care about

the only way to do it without hurting her is to wait until she dies

yes its not fair, but neither was her bringing you into the world

>>18050465
There's no possible way of not hurting anyone with your death. Trust me I know. I've attempted suicide a couple of times.

So what's going anon? You wanna talk about anything?

>>18050470
Yeah, fair.

>>18050471
That's kind of what I figured. Thanks anyway.

There's really nothing I can talk out, but it was kind of you to try to help and I appreciate it.

>>18050488
No worries anon. It's alright you not in a talking mood. Just know you're not alone in your pain. I've been there, still struggle there, possibly will for the rest of my life. It's become worth it to me. I don't believe I can talk you out of anything. I just find talking about things with those of us who understand makes things more bearable sometimes.

>>18050465
You cant.

>>18050471
I can talk, separate person.
I'm in my third year of pharmacy school and I'm terrified of the future.
I've got an in to get a job when I get out but I'm anxious of how this industry will change and what I will do if I lose this job.
I feel immense guilt for the financial stress that this degree has put on my family and for not following my dreams
I'm constantly having strong moodswings from suicidal idealization to feeling great.
Honestly there is so much shit going on in my head that I'm probably overwhelming whoever is reading this.

>>18050528
The mood swings are the worst, aren't they? Third year in pharmacy? That's intense man. I'm in my third year as well in psychology. Ironic, eh? I'm going for my doctorate in a year. It's normal to be worried about the future and I too have suicidal thoughts often. I'm constantly pulling out my list of coping techniques and hanging around my friends. I used to be in a psych hospital and I really miss the people there. I miss being there. It was the safest place I've ever been. Do you talk with anyone irl about these thoughts you have?

>>18050542
I talked to a counselor last semester but didn't truthfully open up because I was worried about being put into a psych ward if I admitted my thoughts.
Suicidal idealization was probably too intense of a word however.
Death idealization would probably be a better description.
I don't want to kill myself immediately due to the pain that would cause those around me, but I see no way to absolve the guilt and shame I have.
My plan is to save all the money I make and then give it to my sister in my will.
I just wish that I could redo my mistakes.

>>18050465
I understand your feelings and why you want to do this, but frankly your mom will never not care about your death.
I would say the fact that you're even thinking about how your mom will react tells me that deep down you dont actually want to die, and thats good. Maybe talk to your mom about how you feel and get some help?
I know its tough out there, and ive been in your shoes before. But dont do anything rash, please.

>>18050568
Undo*
Fuck who would want to redo their mistakes god damn.

>>18050568
I know what you mean. I was too. I don't think if you explained to the counsellor what's going on that they'd automatically admit you. The most important thing is to be honest in order to get the help you need anon.