My last relationship is fucking haunting me in the last months.

I know what it's like to have something just consume your mind and make you really unhappy. Talk to someone you trust about it, maybe take up new hobbies.

OP here and I forgot to mention: we broke up seven months ago. (It may looks like it was years ago because I mentioned the depression, so I just wanted to make it clear)

Bro, I lost years of my life trying to overcome the memory of an ex I only spent a few months with, but she was my ..well, not my first love, the first one felt like puppy love compared to that experience. She was the most compatible person I had ever been with on so many levels..and I felt truly happy, psyched about life, what our future would be like. But it was long distance and it crippled us both, she did me a lot of emotional damage, and me, I used her email pw a few times to find out if she was cheating or talking to other guys.. she had a ton of guy friends though, and she was young, so her mind wasn't in it like me, but i hadn't felt intense love like that ..probably ever. All I can say today, 8 years after the fact, and 6 years after a friend of mine gave me head twice (i was desperate to move on and not proud of what i did) i had a mental breakdown both times it happened. failed miserably. 5 years after she left me my mind was fucking fried,,i was literally screaming at walls, i couldn't take it anymore, the betrayal, my instability, her memory, her moving on. I ended up on celexa. Took it maybe 4-5 times, it helped me, and maybe it can help you.

8 years since though, and I don't do ONS or FWB, I've had temptation, and even came close since, but in retrospect, I'm glad it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Recently though, I, sadly, developed feelings for a girl from out of state, and it kinda screwed up my past few days.. so life is unfair bro..all I can say, and then, then we're unfair to ourselves.

>>18049854
Your Story is quite similar with mine. For me, this girl wasn't my first love, neither my first girlfriend ever, but I think I never felt in love like I felt with her. Maybe with my first ex it came close (and with her I spent 2 really happy years. We had to break up for other reasons, but we never disrespected each other and we're still friends) but I think it wasn't intense like this last ex.

I didn't mind her having guy friends, I miself had a lot of female friends (and she even was jealous of one of them), but what really makes me sad is that she suddenly flipped upside down in personality with me. She usually was kind, loving and a really caring girlfriend and was there for me when I needed, but then she started out of the fucking nowhere to be arrogant, selfish, and secretive like she was hiding something from me (she was never like this before). I discovered what happened and she started talking with her ex again. This ex of hers was really abusive, he threathened, manipulated, mistreat and even raped her at some point when they were together, way before she met me for the first time. But somehow I don't know why the flying fuck she missed him and choose him over me in the end. Did she had Stockholm or what?

But okay, I don't love her anymore, I kinda of have an utter dislike for her that just the sight of her face makes me feel bad and angry remembering everything, and I feel like I shouldn't do this. I tried everything but I still can't forgive the cheating and it makes me feel really bad that someone I used to trust and love a lot is spreading bad things I didn't do out there and is treating the time we spent together like it was shit. Now even the good memories we had together have a bitter and sad taste in my mind.

>>18049987
You would think she'd make a bigger deal of her ex.. from what you're telling me.

As painful and disappointing as it actually is in practice, I know God knows why.. and I'm ..I think..a much more mature person today, thanks to all the loss. You will feel this too eventually, if you don't already.

>>18050011
>I think..a much more mature person today, thanks to all the loss. You will feel this too eventually, if you don't already.

Yeah, it's kinda what I'm feeling, simultaneously while I'm feeling like shit. I became a more mature person after this experience but there's always this sensation of "you'll never be happy again like you thought you were" lingering in my mind. Besides all this shit involving my ex there's a lot of shitty stuff going on in my life as well that make me be a very pessimistic person 95% of the time. I kinda don't see a future anymore and I'm just struggling my way foward without a a plan like a mindless zombie on the end of my strenght.

My health deteriorated a lot since then too. I've been with this depression since a long time ago. Two or three years ago I made a very good improvement, but since this breakup I'm feeling the lowest I've ever been. The situation worsened a lot and I don't know what to do anymore. (therapy is not an option)

>>18049802
best remedy is to go out and meet new people.

>>18050700
Well, like I mentioned, celexa worked for me. I had an extreme cry like a bitch experience the first time I took it, but after that, the chemical took effect and I felt a little better.

It's an option, just sayin.