I rarely find guys my age attractive - physically, intellectually

They'd certainly date you

>>18049041
They'd certainly fuck me, I doubt they'd seriously date me.

Nothing wrong with it, it's the natural order of things. Men of all ages prefer women in their 20's and even late teens, and any man who says otherwise is a liar.

File: 1467361938871.png (472KB, 845x703px) Image search: [Google]

472KB, 845x703px

>>18049019
My dad was 30 and my step mom was 19 when they met. They've been together for like 15 years now. It's all about compatibility. There's no rules. Just what you think is socially more acceptable. Don't listen to yourself. Listen to your heart (lame lol).

>>18049046
I see couples of 20sF/30sM all the time, maybe just don't go seeking men exclusively for their age.

>>18049046
No, they would seriously date you. Women don't just get uglier as they age, they also get crazier.

>>18049051
I understand that, but on the other hand I won't be young looking forever.
If the only reason why they're dating me is my youthfulness, we're not going to go anywhere.
Again - I know they'd fuck me, but I doubt they'd date me.

>>18049052
That's really sweet. I'm glad they're happy.
I just keep thinking of all the possible complications.

>>18049053
>maybe just don't go seeking men exclusively for their age.
I really don't. I never actively looked for older guys, but most of the time if I like someone, he's older.

I also don't understand if I fucked something up, but my thread doesn't bump to the top when I reply.
Weird.

>>18049074
>I doubt they'd date me.
Can you read their minds? Stop with this shit, it's the same circular reasoning of a robot that thinks women don't like him, while he never tries and have a conversation with them.

>>18049019

The only conflict i can see us differences in life stages. People that age often want to settle down. You're 22. Are you ready to settle down?

Yes, I think perhaps the majority of 30+ year olds will want to just fuck you, but, due to current society and the natural order of things, your superficial worth is just so much higher than women in their 30's, that there will also be a sizeable portion of men over 30 that would be willing to go serious with you.

I'd say go ahead and fuck a few of them. I'm willing to bet that it won't take long before you find one that's willing to date you.


Do note however, that there will be an inherent power dynamic favoring them in this situation due to their age. It will be easier for them to get with you as opposed to women their age. Keep this in mind so that you don't end up with a guy who's unable to get relationships/be respected by women his age, and so goes for younger ones.

A question: What do you think of people who are your age, but are old souls psychologically, and/or look a lot older than they are physically?

>>18049046
I'm 25 and am currently dating a super cool 19 year old chick. It isn't unheard of

Spend more time with guys your age, invest in getting to know a lot of them. Make sure the circumstances are ideal. You are more likely to meet an exceptional guy your own age at a place tailored to a specific interest than in a club, college course or any other place where all guys in their early twenties congregate.

Disagree with other posters here. I'm lucky because I don't have a preference for older men, I just like them as well, but I'd never want to date one. Sex, perhaps. But otherwise it is just too much bullshit for me. The stigma, having grown up in a different time, suddenly having your age/generation become a larger part of your identity than it is to you personally, either being in a different stage of life or realizing that someone fifteen years your senior is NOT in a different stage of life (hardly attractive in any way). And yes there are plenty of men who would fall over themselves to fuck a younger girl but would not want to date one long term, no interest in weeding those out either... OR in ending up with a guy who does want to date me seriously because he thinks women whither away after twenty five.
Besides there's already many differences to overcome between partners without adding this to the mix. Marriages with significant age gaps have much worse stats for divorce, too.

I'd try to reflect on what you liked about your last partner and actively coax yourself to find interest in guys your age. Maybe certain things you like about older men won't apply, but you can discover that there's other stuff about just men in general you love that still works with someone your own age.

>>18049086
You're right.

I just feel like I don't have much to offer in a relationship with someone much older - I don't want a family any soon, I am still in education, etc.
And everyone always tells me that if a old guy likes a young girl it is just because she's cute and young, and he'll dump her when she gets old. I've been hearing this shit since I was 15.

>>18049110
>Keep this in mind so that you don't end up with a guy who's unable to get relationships/be respected by women his age, and so goes for younger ones.
What difference would it make as long as he treats her well and takes care of her? Please explain your reasoning.

>>18049118
Not that anon but what he means is that women his age would see through his bullshit, but a younger girl won't. It is hard to judge for a twenty year old girl how many failed relationships and of what duration, how many times getting fired or changing jobs, how many relationships with "crazy women" that ended up blowing up etc constitute a red flag. Both because they are less in tune with what's normal (or rather, average) and because they tend to take the word of someone much older with more weight because they reckon he knows what he's talking about especially if it's concerning life experience they don't have.

>>18049110
I am studying to become a doctor, I won't be ready to settle down till I'm 30.

>I'd say go ahead and fuck a few of them.
I don't enjoy casual sex. The only guy I've ever had anything remotely sexual with was my long term, I didn't even kiss anyone else.

>What do you think of people who are your age, but are old souls psychologically, and/or look a lot older than they are physically?
That was my ex boyfriend.
He looked older, had a very elegant attitude and dressed mildly formally. I found that so charming. He is very mature, knowledgeable, intelligent, calm, level-headed, introverted. I met him at the debate group and I liked him because he was very moderate and competent, very eloquent - while everyone else was screaming and being a 15 year old. Love at first sight kind of thing.
He was 2 years older than me, so nothing excessive.

>>18049114
Yeah, but it is frowned upon, at least where I live. And the guy I currently like is 11 years older than me, not just 6.

>>18049116
Thanks for your comment, really.
I do agree with you and many of the things you said are the things I am scared of, and why I always avoided dating the guys I liked even when I had the chance.
I am trying actively to meet more people my age, but it didn't go well this far. I'm not giving up tho.

>>18049152
You don't have to answer this on here, but I think it would help to do some introspection on what the psychological context is of your (sexual and romantic) desire. Eg if you are really submissive but cannot see someone your own age as attractive from that angle, you could try to either discover your inner Domme or try to go for the contrast between how he is your peer in other areas of life, but your superior during sex, to get off on in a different way.

I can absolutely understand disliking many things about guys your age (or just being turned off by it), but there's lots to love about young men as well. Healthy, supple young bodies with optimally elastic skin are at the very least aesthetic. Plenty of young guys combine an endearing element of wide eyed optimism/wonder and naivety with real ambition to find their place in the world, better themselves, become more than they already are. People change a lot in adolescent years and it's very intimate and special to be there and see them develop along the way, grow into a mature man. And there's a certain kinship in not having to explain the details of your position or the everyday struggles that come with growing pains and coming into your own.

Not sure how helpful it is for you to just read this from someone else, but youth is appealing for many good reasons and I am personally convinced that most people have the potential to be attracted to a much wider range of "things" (appearances/races, ages, dynamics) than they realize, that they just grow into a certain habit and stop exploring at some point usually. If I were you I'd try to consciously look for things you find attractive in young guys, preferably things older men don't have to the same extent, try to develop a taste for it.

>>18049152
>>18049170
Also wanted to add that I do know this feel
>and why I always avoided dating the guys I liked even when I had the chance.
>And the guy I currently like is 11 years older than me, not just 6.

I was pretty smitten with a thirty seven year old man a year ago. Was also twenty two then. I am completely certain that it was mutual, but it was obvious that neither of us wanted to act on it. And honestly, strange as it is it would've killed the way I saw him and most of my attraction if he honestly would've tried to date me as I just cannot for the life of me imagine feeling equal to/having all my emotional needs met by someone fifteen years younger than I am (at that age, obviously forty five and sixty is a different story).

>>18049170
Thank you for taking the time to reply, you're very kind.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, it is something that makes me feel really uncomfortable. I even talked to a therapist about it.
A big part of it is how I've just always been more mature than my age. I've been dealing with a disabling health condition since I was a small kid, I had to take care of sick relatives for most of my teenage years, so I had to deal with a lot more responsibilities than a regular 22 year old. I feel out of touch with most people my age, I cannot relate. I have always been the odd one.
Other than this, I find them reassuring. I have had a pretty stressful and hectic life and I tend to dislike uncertainty. Being around someone who has his shit together makes me just feel safer, and I grow attached emotionally more easily.
It's not something inherently sexual, I don't even enjoy the age gap in sexual scenarios. I'm more dominant than submissive. I do find them better looking, especially if they're in shape, tho - I tend to dislike youth in men, I always did. But all guys will eventually grow old, so at least physically that's easily fixed.
I do have a lot of trouble finding a meaningful connection with guys my age, and I'm really fascinated by older guys charme and attitude a lot. So. It's just a bit messy right now.

>>18049174
Yeah, the 33 year old expressed pretty clear interest in me as well.
I can really relate on the second part - I feel like I'm having a prejudice against myself, like I'd think less of him for acting on his attraction for me.

>>18049202
No problem at all. Though I'm currently using a university computer as my own is broken down and I have to leave here in half an hour tops, so depending on how closely you monitor the thread/type out your reply I might not be able to answer anymore, in which case I just want to wish you best of luck already now.

I do think this could be a case where therapy might be very helpful. I fully understand the position you describe, and (not trying to assume or anything, but maybe it rings true for you) perhaps feeling not just out of touch but also a tad resentment towards overly non-committal, happy go lucky youths who don't know what it means to have real responsibilities. Not even a straining and serious job is comparable to the emotion commitment and personal sacrifices of care-taking for a loved one.
But while it's of course completely normal to not want to date someone you don't feel on the same wavelength with, I do think you should want for yourself to be able to date someone because they bring you happiness and energy and you feel loved and loving around them, whereas what you describe sounds vaguely like you are still hurting/healing and need extra reassurance that your partner is in it for real than what usually suffices for people. Even if you bracket the age aspect, you should want to date an older man (if you do end up doing so) because you really like HIM and he makes you feel grand and not because he doesn't give you added anxiety/stress in addition to the rest of your life.
If the therapy was unsuccessful, I fully understand not being enthusiastic about the idea or opting for alternative soul searching, but given that at the end of the day therapy relies so much on human to human connection and how close you are willing to let this professional get to you, I'd say just having a bad or mediocre experience in itself doesn't mean much.

>>18049202
Congratulations, you're like any other young woman ever.

I'm 30 years old and would gladly date or be in a relationship with a 22 year old, but I'll admit that's because I don't necessarily feel 30. I have my life together, I have goals, and I'm mature, but at the same time, I find something alluring about letting loose a little with someone that isn't bland and locked into their routine.

I still want someone with a sense of adventure, and honestly, at 30, I hear too much "I'm too old for that" from the women I date and even a good chunk of my friends. It seems that single women in their 30s are 100% career-oriented, and their idea of leisure time each night is the repetitive concept of going home, cooking a sensible dinner for one, having one (1) glass of chardonnay, turning on Netflix, and cuddling with their tiny dog or cat, then heading to bed. Every night. Maybe mix in a trip to the gym. Bores me.

I'm currently focusing more on being accepting that my age is going to force me into a more boring lifestyle, but I'm not ready for it entirely.

But I think that's the challenge of finding someone in their 30s. You probably have a higher chance of finding someone who wants to embrace your youthful exuberance, where really you want the kind of man who is settled down and has shaken out his party days.

>>18049223
I've had different therapists and comparing one with the other is like trying to explain why two relationships differ from one another, it can really be different worlds.

Some more food for thought, see if it applies or not, is this - do you feel that unless your partner were beyond doubt the more adult and the more responsible person of the two of you, you'd be forced or strongly tempted to baby your boyfriend and revert back to your tried and familiar role of caretaker?
I also think it's worthwhile to ponder on your relationships with other women, particularly if you do have close and valued friends your own age. If so, no doubt some of them also lack the life experience that you've had so far, if it does not bother you with them can you pinpoint why you can still feel on the same wavelength or still hold them in high esteem? Imo life is largely about learning to understand yourself and why you do and want the things you do, you can't change anything that you don't question in the first place.

As for having a prejudice against yourself, that's an unfortunate mindset ("I don't want to join a club that accepts me as a member") that's not unheard of. However I want to point out that for me it's almost the other way around. I think I'm a cool person - for my age. If I look back on who I was five years ago, I think I was a crappier version of myself. I was more antsy, more insecure and focused on myself, more anxious about inane things, more consumed by people's images and impressing even random folks, I was much more petty and quick to resent people for whatever bullshit hurt my feelings now. Honestly I get tired just thinking about it and I would never befriend a lady who was wired that way now.

For me thinking less of a man that much older who wants to date me isn't a matter of thinking I'm no good - it's a matter of thinking that I will grow more and surpass my current self.

>>18049224
Okay? I don't know, I don't really feel any desire to be different anyway.

>>18049223
I definitely do feel some level of resentment for other people my age, you're right. The person I was taking care of passed away last year, so not having loads of responsibilities is still relatively new to me. I never had the chance to party, or go out with my friends at night. I am still adapting, and it's not so nice to see how many things I had to miss out on.

I do tend to have a very "caretaking" role in relationships, even with my ex I used to baby him a lot. He didn't mind it too much, but it is mildly tiring and not something I want to do anymore. I guess that one of the sides I enjoy most of dating someone older is that I feel more like being taken care of, and less like taking care. It's much easier to let go with someone older.
Even in friendship, I tend to befriend people much older than me (my closest friends are 31 and 33), but I have a few friends my age. Some of them had a mildly troubled life and we have a similar sensitivity, the others... I honestly baby the shit out of them.

I am still going to therapy and trying to figure out how to adapt, and I really enjoy it so far, but of course it is a long road.

Thank you for your posts, you've been very helpful. Have a nice day, and good luck.

>>18049241
Oh I don't have any sort of youthful exuberance, I never really had.
I like travelling, I've been to over 30 countries, I like hiking and sports, but partying tires the shit out of me.

>>18049281

Just noting, I'm the 30 year old anon.

It's definitely interesting to hear about your resentment for others your age. I went through a significant bout of depression between 18-22, and felt like I didn't make the most out of my college years, which is why I think I spent the remainder of my 20s going all-out. I'm fading out of that mode now a bit, but not fully.

Do you think you'd maybe enjoy it if you tried to embrace the idea that you have less responsibilities?

I really hate being taken care of myself as I get older... I've experienced a lot, and I've managed this far, so having someone try to either help me when I haven't asked for help, or coddle me, just feels frustrating. I think most of my peers are like this too.

Traveling is part of the adventure that I was talking about, so maybe there is some hope there when it comes to dating older men that can afford to take you places and still get that sense of excitement in doing so.

By the way, not trying to hit on you, just trying to give some perspective on what a 30 year old that would date (and not just screw) a girl in her early 20s would be into.

>>18049296
Meh, not really. Getting shitfaced and clubbing really isn't my thing. A few beers, concerts, festivals, pubs yes - but I dislike the atmosphere in clubs, and getting too drunk, or drugs - I just don't enjoy losing control. I go out 1-3 times a week, but I try to not be excessive.

I don't feel a super strong need of coddling, with older men. I mean - I am the caring type, I'll make you breakfast and go out of my way to do nice shit for you. But I won't coddle you too much if I perceive you as you have your life together more than I do.

I do enjoy travelling and doing adventurous outdoorsy stuff. But don't enjoy much having people spending money on me.

I know you're not trying to hit on me, thank you for your feedback!