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Why do I isolate myself? A few years ago, I was married with kids, a nice house and a good, albeit very dangerous job. The marriage crumbled when I quit my job to go into business with my (then) father in law. He fucked me pretty good. And then my ex wife took her turn on me. She took the kids, left me to move in with her dad and went after every penny I had. She got me pretty good.
My life seemed hopeless, but I managed to get my old job back and moved on. I kept the house but it started to feel unrealistic to maintain and pay for a 4 bedroom house that I lived in alone aside from the 4 days a month that my kids were there, so I sold it within my family.
I moved to a trendy loft in the city and I just continued to work and pay child support. Didn't really contact or communicate with anyone. Then I met a great woman, she was a bit older but beautiful in every sense of the word. Intelligent, charming, witty and very physically attractive. She actually gave a shit about my kids and what I was going through. We had amazing chemistry but then about a year ago, something changed. She became short tempered, started complaining about my job and became suspicious that I was up to no good when I would go out of town for work (I was NOT up to no good) and it started to become very clear that this behavior was not a product of my actions. We were living together in her house and last Jan she just suggested I move out and we take a break.
So, I had to move into a friend's and I hated it. Then came heavy drinking and a lot of confusion from her behavior. She wouldn't text or call but she would send me letters in the mail. Or random likes on photos I put on social media. But never any real talking about wtf was going on. I found out recently that she switched jobs (it was on the news) and moved into this ridiculous mansion type house on a golf course.
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Dude.
you have figuratively had your heart cut out.
thats not a year thing. for many people that may not even be a few years thing.
you need to forgive yourself for feeling sad.
You have not yet recovered from that injury, no if ands or buts. You've never finished the grieving process properly.
fuck this woman who had her own trust issues.
you are STILL an open wound. isolation, at least in the romantic sense, may not be the worst thing right now. just stick to less intimate socialising and figure yourself out.
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Now last spring, I had a serious accident at work. I ended up pinned under a section of split pipe about 250 feet up on a tower. I spent over a month in the hospital, the first 2 weeks I wasn't conscious and had a feeding tube with a catheter. I guess she came when I was unconscious almost every day. I had to move back in with my parents when I was discharged. I can no longer do the work that I did, but I did take a huge pay cut to keep a position at my company. My dad has since gone into assisted living because he has some kind of an aggressive cancer throughout his back and can no longer walk. I've also found out that my mom has been funneling 10's of thousands of dollars to some mystery guy she met online through wire transfers.
I stopped almost all communications with my friends and I don't feel bad about doing it. I'm just done. I don't want this life anymore and I don't feel wrong for feeling this way. I'm not suicidal but I kind of wish that accident would have just finished the job. What now?
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>>18047056
Thanks and sorry I couldnt post the second part because my internet went down for a minute
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>>18047056
And I do know the healing process takes time but I can't help but feel like life just beats you into the ground even more when you are trying to heal from something.
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>>18047130
that feeling usually comes from having something happen to you before you had worked out the healing process.
sometimes you can't control when that stuff comes down the pipe.
but alot of this stuff you can control.
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>>18047140
While I'm sure you're right and some of these things can be controlled, it just doesn't feel that way. Everything aside from going to work and sleeping just feels way outside of my control.
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Just because I feel like someone here may have some more input, I don't want to let this die.
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>>18047164
sometimes thats all anyone can handle. Its certainly nothing to be ashamed for, putting your needs first if you need to be alone with yourself for a while.
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