tldr: How do I stop yearning for this woman? It's incredibly

I'm in an incredibly similar situation. I try coping by trying to focus on other aspects of my life and remembering she will never be with me. In your case do you think you have a shot with her? if so don't you want to be with her?

>>18042955

I think I may have a shot, kinda, but aftere excessive consideration, I don't want to pursue it. I'm kind of an emotional conduit and she is extremely expressive and sensitive, which would destroy me. I've also picked up on some ideas she olds that I firmly disagree with, which would be fine if we could just sit and discuss them, but I think any such talk would turn into a one-sided shitfest and I'm not gonna bring that shit into my life.

Also she has some legit animosity with my closest friend and he's a true asshole, which is a bunch more potential for drama I don't have the patience or emotional fortitude to deal with.

Unfortunately all these reasonable ideas about why to avoid this relationship don't make me want to fuck her any less, and my internal hopeless romantic keeps popping his head up to get crushed by wave after wave of shit feels. It's like a Pavlovian response.

>>18042955
>remembering she will never be with me.

I think my whole issue is that I can't hold firmly onto this anymore because I recognise that it is irrational, and she gave me some pretty strong hints the last time we hung out with some friends.

Last night she invited me to the same bar out of the blue, and I fortunately had other plans, but it's been ruining my mind and my mood. Worse, if she just straight up goes for it, I'm pretty certain I'll cave, and it'll all be downhill from there.

If you really feel that getting involved with her would be so bad you could try to cut every type of contact with her at least until you no longer feel the need to fuck her. But I don't know the nature of your relationship so I don't know if you can just cut the contact. Also you could focus on other activities and/or other girls. This being said I remind you I'm not sure if i'm in a very good position to give advice as I'm still kinda struggling with similar problems.

>>18043006
Smoke pot and jack off thinking about her desu baka senpai

And now I'm really curious. In my case I know there is nothing I can do with the girl because of literally every possible reason on earth (her being a lesbian, in a relationship, etc, etc..). In your case you say she seems interested, can't you just have sex with her and hopefully that will make you overcome your desire for her? Or do you think that would make things worse? Are there reasons like being in the same group of friends or such that would make it awkward? Just curious and trying to understand

>>18043100
I could cut contact, but it would be awkward due to mutual friend groups and occasional get-togethers. Also, based on the last time this happened, I don't think it'd help much.

>>18043102
Made this mistake a few days ago, minus the weed. Probably ruining myself forever.

>>18043130
I thought about this. It's a dangerous path and I expect it fully to backfire. I don't think I'd get over her especially because I'm interested in her for more than sex/attractiveness, and I don't get the impression she'd be okay with it just being a fling, though I could be wrong. Friend group would make it awkward be we're together so infrequently it wouldn't be a big deal, and we're both pretty open and realistic so it would probably actually be fine if no drama develops.

I just don't see myself get over her after we screw and I don't see her letting it rest at that if she turns out to really be into me.

It's a complicated situation. If you do have romantic feelings for her (and not just sexual feelings) and you say she seems to have feelings for you too it won't be easy to just get her out of your head. You said that you considered the idea of having a shot with her but didn't want to pursue it because of a ton of reasons. But the fact that she still floats in your head and the though of her makes you depressed seems that maybe those reasons aren't enough for convincing you that she isn'r worth it. To me it seems that you think you haven't really discarded the possibility of being with her, and until you truely decide to go for it or leave it you'll probably stay in the state you are in now.

Also, what is in particular the thing that makes you depressed?
-Is it the fact that you can't get her out of your head and it's affecting your daily life?
-Is it the though that trying to have a shot with her may turn out shity because of the things you commented?

>>18042795
>How do I stop yearning for this woman?
fuck a different one

>>18043480
I hope you're wrong, but you're probably partly right.

>>18043497
I don't really know. I feel like the first time I was considering it, it was thinking about the possibilities and realising all the reasons it was a bad idea, plus some parallels between her and an old friend I had a terrible relationship with that ended in me cutting all contact, but even after that, I just think about her and wanting the relationship and immediately feel like shit.

Last time I was in a similar situation with a very different woman and it was like this. Think about her > remember I want relationship > feel like shit. I wasn't kidding when I said it's like a Pavlovian response.

>>18042795

I could've written this. Been depressed and suicidal. Life blows but I guess you gotta keep doing things that make you feel good and be around people that are good for you.

I've noticed I go for unavailable people since I like self sabotage. Oh well, forever alone could be worse.

>>18043883
>it's like a Pavlovian response.
I believe, i've been going trough something very similar.

>>18043960
This is very good advice and in helped in my case. But since I can't cut contact with the girl in my case it isn't really a 100% cure. BUT! this is if you indeed don't want to try something with her. You say this isn't the first time something like this is happening to you, what did you do the last time, did you make a move or did you forgot about her?

And just to clarify, i'm constantly insisting in the "do you really don't want to make a move" because I've lived my life holding back in fear of making mistakes and ended having many regrets. I don't know if that's your case or not. Either way, hope you can sort it out.

>>18042795
use this to better yourself. think about what she would think of you.
it wont help with the sadness, in fact it will only fuck you up more, but when you are inevitably done. youll end up really fucking good and attractive

>>18044138
Definitely been a lot of my life. Case in point:

>>18044125
>what did you do the last time, did you make a move or did you forgot about her?

Never made a move, never forgot, just incidentally left the social circle by moving to a nearby city. Regret not trying, see her on FB occasionally and try to ignore it. The regret has gradually faded.

I definitely have this sort of complex where I avoid pursuing things that seem too good in a way I feel like I don't deserve.

I feel myself trying to convince myself to go for it and suddenly all the reasons that make it a bad idea seem small. Fuck.

Thanks for the insight, and the mild comfort that the pain is shared.

>>18044154
Sound shit, anon. Thinking back, I'm confident the initial spat of depression with this girl is what pushed me back into the gym.

This is probably a good thought experiment to go through anyway, though. A lot I could improve on.