Soup /adv/. My life is currently at a very weird stage of "nothing

Been there. Describe why you feel/are trapped. School,work,family,home life?

Read "Happiness" by Matthieu Ricard.

>>18040765

I super appreciate you responding but I feel like it's kind of a big, biiiig tl;dr to be posted here. Any way we could talk elsewhere? If you don't want to give contact info or add me on anything, we could just have a conversation over tinychat or something like that.

>>18040780

The majority of self-help books really don't do anything for me.

Can you give a rough explanation of the problems you are facing? Money, family, (no) friends, school/work, (past) abuse, relationship, ...?

You make it sound like you are in some kind of pain that you desperately want to end. Given that you've been depressed for a while you've probably figured out what brings you down. Have you sat down and thought about how to cut these things from your life? Is it possible to leave some of these behind? Is it a phase and you need to push through?

It's always better to be brave and start fresh (and maybe fail) that to kill yourself (and definitely never win).

Also, do any of your friends know that you are not well? It's not a good idea to put up an act. It's exhausting and they will notice you being distant.
They don't have to know everything. Just telling them "I just want you to know I've been feeling pretty down for some time. If I have come across as distant, please know it's nothing personal." can open up a possibility to rest around someone, get hugs and deepen the friendship. Nobody's life is entirely perfect, they might understand better than you expect.

I had this summer that i spent in my parents summer house, and all the time i was picturing myself hagning dead in the barn outside on the yard.

There was this rope swing there that i used to play with as a kid, and i was thinking of using that to kill myself.
It keept going on, this little video clip of me dying over and over again.

That's what it's like when you're really down in the shit.
Later in the fall i got on meds, and started exercising, and it gradually went away.

It all got triggered by a series of really bad life events, my cousin died in cancer, i failed to graduate college, i had bad luck with women.. all of this led to the feeling that "im never going to find a job, noone is going to hire me, im going to die alone" etc.
And killing myself seemed like the only way to get away from the feelings.

>>18041081
Telling friends is pretty useless.
They will be like "oh shit" the first time, but then they will just ignore if you keep having problems.

Eventually, people will start thinking you're just a crybaby.

>>18041019
Well with that attitude they sure as hell won't. A book can't do anything but offer some information. It's up to you to do something with that information.

The main problem with depressed people is that they don't think it can change. And to change something in your life you must first believe that it can be changed. I know, I'm making a bunch of assumptions here, but I know it happens a lot. Because of this idea that you're stuck in your current state you make subconscious efforts to sabotage yourself. You might think that "self-help books don't do anything for me" is a rational conclusion derived from experience, but it may very well be an emotional justification of a decision taken by your subconscious based on other factors. We do that a lot, make emotional decisions then create rationalizations to justify them. How many self-books have you actually read? How many have you applied? How much time and effort you spent trying to put in practice what you read?

Anyways, you should be trying to do something about your depression. The book I recommended is about meditation, it sure as hell won't fix your problems instantly, or even fast, but if you stick with it it will help you immensely over the years. I'm not just pulling that out of my ass, I experienced it, I've seen it happen to other people and there's a ton of studies that support it.

Point is the reason why self books don't do anything for you is because of you, not because of self books. And that's in your control to change.

>>18041124
Sucks to hear ...

Do you have trouble maintaining healthy habits in your current place? What's causing problems? Can you get out? Can you dedicate energy towards getting to a better place?

Think about what you want to accomplish. Prioritize. Do you have to accomplish one thing before you can start with another? Write all that down. Make a list of all the activities that will better your life and help you towards your goals. Start by picking up only one or two of these activities as new habits but start now and stick to them. Focus for now, you can add more later.
Maybe hop over to /fit/ for a second and check out the sticky. Exercise should be good for you, you have to find a kind you don't hate though.

>>18041128
People who call you a crybaby for two sentences of information about your mental state either have the sun shining from their behinds or shouldn't be your friends. Reduce contact with people who bring you down and put your energy towards new relationships and healing.