I need help to stop being so toxic in videogames. When I'm

Wow, you found a guy's number and called him? That's impressive.

Worst I've ever done is look up a player's profile, saw he was Italian and sent him a message saying "SPAGHETTI".

If you're seeing a therapist already, I don't think you need to go into that much detail, or tell her you're a psychopath. Just explain that you have anger issues around videogames.

>>18039591
Yeah, I mean admittedly he left himself uncommonly open. Used the same username for everything, that led me to a message board profile that had his full name in it, looked it up on Facebook and found him via his email address. Sent a phony friend request, which he accepted, and I had meant to harass him there, but I noticed that he made his phone number visible to friends, so I used that instead.

All told it was about an hour and a half from the time I lost that game to the time I made the phonecall, and I was seething with rage the entire time. I have this bad habit of biting my hand when I get angry or nervous--it was bleeding. Sometimes I'll just spam a person's inbox with messages like "Fuck you" or "Why did you do that to me?" for thirty-to-forty minutes. Forty minutes of doing nothing but staring at a Loss screen, with a chat window up, repeating the same words over and over. Sometimes I copy and paste, but most of the time I type it all out, making sure the spelling and punctuation is exactly the same every time, like a ritual. For nearly an hour. Because I am mad that I lost a videogame and I don't know how to process my emotions. Then I start a new game.

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>>18039650

It sounds like you game on PC? I'm glad, I only play on PS4.

I can sympathise, I have anger issues with videogames too. Maybe not to the same extent but if a player kills me repeatedly in something I seethe with impotent rage and imagine doing awful things to them. I bite my arm as well, glad to know I'm not the only one.

As I said, probably worth bringing up to your therapist, maybe not use that particular example but definitely the sending angry messages, that's not rare. I wouldn't say you're a psychopath, it sounds more like anger management issues.

>>18039669
Yeah I don't blame you for wanting to stay far away from any games I play. I don't even want my friends to play with me. Obviously I don't tell them about the anger problems, but I try to make it pretty clear that I'm better off playing alone.

Last time I gamed with friends, it was all going fine until we started losing. I had to really bite my tongue to keep from blowing up at them, but I knew they could tell I was not alright. I can distinctly recall having the thought, "This was their plan all along, wasn't it? Get anon's hope up and then mock him with loss after loss. They're doing this to me on purpose. There's no way I could have lost that game unless they were trying to sabotage me on purpose!"

Are you playing dota?
That game is fucking cancer for the mind.

Coming from someone who plays and rages from dota.

>>18039498
Play a game you don't care about and aren't good at to get used to the sting of losing.

In the meantime, learn to put the game down when you aren't having fun. I know it sounds stupid but you have to work at it. Do whatever you have to do to pry yourself away from the game.

>>18039498

Yeah. The problem is not in the game or your teammates or opponents. It's you. I'm guessing you were bullied or had no guidance or supervision from your parents. I equate this kind of behavior with alcoholism and drug use. You know it's bad for you yet you continue to do it because you get the occasional buzz when you win. But soon, not even wins will matter.
You're just a miserable fuck and the chances of you getting your shit together are slim.

Your ego is being put in the middle of it.

And that happens with everybody. After all, when someone beats you in a game you feel you are worse than the person, and that hurts the ego.

My idea here is that you start telling yourself that it's fine to lose. It's ok not to play well. It's important to understand everybody has good and bad days, even the pros, and that there are people better than you around the world.
Don't just think it, know it. Understand and comprehend it, so it goes deep in your mind. Whenever you actually start getting angry, just remember this thing I just said.
Its normal to get angry like that, but the reasons are pretty shallow.
It's normal to lose in a game, you can't win every round or play at your best level 100% of the time.
Your best level is not the best level in the world.

Remember this and you will feel better. Worked for me.

Of course a toxic comunity also molds you into toxicity, so you should also think about the 'mute all' alternative when someone is getting on your nerves.

I'm not going to read all this crap but I'll leave you with a saying

"you can tell the size of a man by the size of his problems"