So Ive been seeing my gf for around 8 months. Im happy, she seems

Bump

Would love someone elses perspective on this

Red flag. Reading and deleting em right away of an ex that treated her like shit? Yeah OK...

>>18035054
I'd say break up with her, because she's clearly pretty aware of the effect of the things she was doing and tried to first hide it and then make excuses, followed by trying to make you the bad guy. All of that doesn't indicate a mature or functional partner, it indicates a manipulative partner. In the end, you could settle for this and just make the best of it, but I know you realize this is shitty behavior and it won't change.
It's better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel alone, bro. There's a better girl out there, just go find her.

>>18035074
Im already resigned to doing it if I see it again. She is super sweet and I want nothing more than it to be a long lasting thing. We've met each others families etc and I find it really fucking hard to connect with people on that level. Its just easy with her but this incident really rocked me and hurt me really bad.

>>18035054
first, she lied to you about reading and deleting and used texting you flirty messages as cover. If you hadn't seen his name she would meet with him and still might. It is a red flag and I am as mystified as you are OP why a girl that seemingly is happy would continue contact. If she was totally committed to her new relationship she would never consider behavior that would put that in jeopardy regardless of if you would know or not.

It's a tough situation, but I'll just say this... where there's smoke there's fire

>>18035087
guess you told her it hurt you bad and that you know she was texting. Anyway, a relationship is built on trust not freely given but earned and she is not trustworthy. However disappointing that is it does not negate the fact she continues with an ex most people would think she should hate but doesn't

>>18035125
Yeah, Ill not act too drastically. Im generally quite level headed but Im not too forgiving. So Ill just be vigilant for a while. If I see it again though thats it. Shit sucks. Ive told her how hard it is for me to feel good around someone like that and if it is as bad as it seems it will take a while for me to get over this one.

>>18035054

>She should have told you right away
>She shouldn't have tried to make you feel bad after calling her out
>She shouldn't be in any kind of contact with an ex (Blocking numbers is a thing)

She lied to your face which would be the first red flag for me, if she can lie so easily about who she is talking to then what else will she lie about.

Look out for yourself man, you don't want to wind up 3+ years down the road to find out shes been cheating on you. This girl doesn't sound trustworthy.

I know breaking up is probably not what you want, but tread very carefully if you decide to stay together. If I was in her position I would feel like a piece of shit and would be trying to reassure you non stop until you felt better (implying all she had done was read her ex's messages).

>>18035141
Here's your problem and been there, no matter what she says this action proves she doesn't feel about you the same as you feel about her nor does she take your relationship as seriously. You may wish it to be so but it isn't. She cares more about the feelings she has for her ex and his towards her and the sense of loss when he leaves the country for awhile than you or the relationship. You must also consider she has been in constant contact with him for the duration of your relationship.

>>18035173

This.

You said yourself you want this to be a long term thing, these aren't the actions of someone that takes your relationship seriously. 8 months in she should be head over heels for you and ignoring any advances from other guys, especially an ex. Also to have the ovaries to try to guilt trip you and make you feel bad instead of being apologetic that she lied to you and entertained an ex behind your back by reading their messages is a massive red flag.

It wasn't deliberate but you have turned into the chaser in this relationship, she has power over you and your value of her is greater than her perceived value of you. This isn't a good spot to be in.

>>18035072
This. It's total bullshit. If she really didn't want to talk to him, she'd have blocked his number, and certainly wouldn't have lied to you. I'm sorry, dude.

Thanks guys. I think I know where Im at. I feel like I hold the power here anyway having figured it out early on and not in a years time.

She's been very attatched ever since telling me things like she wants to be with me when Im grey and older but it all sounds like she's making up for something now.

I guess its the age we live in. I cant expect to have what my parents and grandparents had. Honestly this is probably the last time Ill put so much into a relationship.

Update on this.

Tried to bait some honesty out of her. I asked;

"Still getting unsolicited texts?"

She replied no and now that I am in her whatsapp picture it should avoid the situation in future.

Theres so much guilt in that answer and her voice. Doesnt matter if I end it or not. I doubt Ill feel the same way about her again.

>>18035782
Well, we don't know her, so we can't answer. But you could tell her that you feel uncomfortable that she hides things from you, so ask her for the next suspicious thing that she tells you right away. Honesty and open talk is really important in a relationship, try to talk to her about that.
If after that, she still hides things from you, well you know what to do.

>>18035812
Aye, I know what to do. Im in my late 20s now so its not like Ill want to follow her like a lost puppy like I would have done 5 years ago.
On a bit of a side note, I appreciate the candor this board provides but its sad I dont feel comfortable tabling these questions to IRL friends .

>>18035825
You should and you shouldn't at the same time. Getting friends involved is risky, if they're mutual friends, getting them in the fight is kinda bad, and if they're your friends, well they'll only have your side of the story, so it's not ideal. Also, them hearing only about your fights might lead them to assume things about her, without knowing her or how really is your relationship. So it's up to you, but I personally stopped asking my friends for advice.

>>18036002
My friends dont really know her. Theyve met but dont know her. Ive always believed in keeping those things seperate. Id never date a girl in our friend circle. Its always proven to be weird.

OP, seeing as this thread went, I would just suggest sitting down and talking calmly with her about the whole thing, if you need to set up "rules" in your relationship such as tell first, then act as an example that would be good.
I'm saying this in hopes that you will be left with no regrets. You sound like a decent person OP, don't lose that in a pile of regrets.
What I'd say is to tell her that you've lost your trust with her and be 100% honest about it and that she has to regain it. Trust is earned not given. If she persistently asks you how she should earn your trust back, then op I have bad news for you, she won't be able to do that. But if she goes off her ass and actually tries to fix this herself like a big girl there's hope.

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>>18035054

She lied to you. Get out of there.

Sometimes when a nut is about to crack, you have to apply more pressure.

You say it doesn't seem easy? Then make it difficult. Let her know how much you love her. It may be your last chance, after all.

I'm sorry to hear it, though. I've been in a similar situation. Granted, she wasn't nearly as guilt ridden. Always had some excuses prepared, and took care to keep the phone clean. Unlucky for her, I found my way into some of her accounts, and low and behold, here she is asking her ex if he still loves her. If that wasn't enough, when I confronted her saying that I had evidence that her and her ex were messing around, she comes out and admits that they were actually camming together.

I already know the answer to this, but why do people have to be like this... I mean, come on. I gave her every fucking out, and she handles the situation like a child. You bring it up after too, and you get the whole, "so you going to continue to hold this against me?" Well, I mean, it's kind of fucking hard not to. I get to live with the fact that you were fucking around on me for an unknown duration during our relationship, and wonder how much of it was actually real. Yeah, that's fun. Your total lack of honesty and respect is TOTALLY not something I'll take into consideration in future engagements. Good god.

>>18036059
I feel for you anon. And the OP should listen. Some people just refuse to grow up and sometimes it's even more difficult for the receiver to grow up and move on.

>>18036059
OP here. That sucks man. Were the fucking each other?

Whats so hard about taking responsibilty for your actions in an adult relationship? People still act like theyre in fucking school.

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And yet another day passes where anon is glad he's single.

>>18035054
Henlo anon,

woman is lying to you.

all women lie.

try to determine if its worth it.

good life

Threads like this make me wonder if I should even bother putting any effort into my relationships. Why are women like this?

the red flag, for her is you getting angry

she will hide that shit, making it impossible for you to have an effect on her thinking

let her be open, give your opinion, they usually consider it if they havent made a final decision

btw shes still talking to him
just really careful you dont see it

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>>18036933

>>18035227

This is very smart, don't put your trust into someone that makes you doubt doing so.

My ex was the same, we were together nearly 3 years with what seemed like a perfect relationship and then she started acting shady and making me question her. About 2 weeks before she cheated on me was my birthday where on the card she wrote something along the lines of "and I know I'll be writing cards to you until we're old and grey". Bitches say one thing and do another.

>>18036059

The "I gave her every fucking out" really resonates with me. Bitches be cray.

>>18036931

Not all are, I think the ones that are will give off signs and warnings that we tend to ignore when we're infatuated, but deep down you know there is a chance of them being unfaithful. Not to mention that good girls tend to be boring so we seek the more extroverted fun types.

>>18035067
Dishonesty is the worst quality.

>>18036059
This.

These hoes aren't loyal. All they do is lie.

It doesn't even matter if they're caught redhanded or not half the time.

I literally caught my ex doing bullshit online on multiple occassions, and it was never her.

She 'shared' her account with her friend, or some other bullshit excuse.

Literally gave her every out, just like this guy did. And, they will just do whatever they can to cover it up, and act like nothing has happened.

>>18036059
The exact same thing has happened to me. I am still in the relationship..
I'd say I still love her.. but I'm more 'emotionally resigned' from the relationship these days.
>>18037507
Also correct, even when confronted with damning evidence, YOU will be the aggressor and they will be the victim with some cheap way to steer the conversation emotionally

Outside looking in. She's probably very emotionally damaged, and is acting in self destructive behavior as a cry for help.

But, because she's a dumb woman, she doesn't actually want help, she just wants to keep masking her real problems with fake affection.


Your best bet is going to be leaving her, and hopefully she'll learn from losing a good thing that she needs to change her ways, or go full scale off the deep end and plummet right into the drugs and sex lifestyle.

>>18036059
Yep, pretty much had the same thing from a dude I dated, although he turned around and used my mental health and the fact that I came from a mentally abusive background at home to be able to keep that shit up and turn it against me.

OP - Drop it like it's hot darling. If she's doing that shit then she's not caring about you at all and the longer you stay with her after knowing this the more it's going to hurt you. It's best in the long run to get out quickly so you can start to get things right in your life before moving on.

This is cut and dry , tell her you can not be in a relationship with a liar . The shit stops today or its over , tell her if that's too much to ask for than you guys are not meant for one another . The truth is she's prob messing around with this guy or she would not delete the messages but it's up to you if you want to give her another chance ? But you need to tell her the shit ends immediately or it's over .

>>18035782
Than you know what to do