Might be a little all over the place, I apologize. My girlfriend

I don't remember if I asked the question, so I'll ask: what's the best way to get drugs? Ideally, more lorazepam, because right now I feel fantastic, by which I mean I don't feel buried under a landslide of pain. If there's something easier to get that'll give similar results, though, I'm down to look for that too.

Guys, come on. I can feel it wearing off. The negative thoughts are coming back like storm clouds. I don't want to take more right now because I don't have a whole lot left.

I can feel the familiar weight on my chest, and it's far too early for a depression nap.

>>18031357
In time you will heal and move on and look back at this time of your life as a lesson. All will be ok in time.

>>18031369
It's been several days of heartache and bitterness and resentment. In fact, now that I think about it, when I said "not too long ago," it's actually been close to a month. I've tried to lose myself in my work, but the nature of what I do means I have lot of time alone with my thoughts brooding. I tried loosing myself in my hobbies, but I've found that I enjoy nothing that I once used to. I have no motivation to finish the model I got halfway through, the many video games I haven't started, nor any of the books I'm on the last third of.

Life for the past month has been consistently wrestling with misery and despair, and right now is the first time in about as long I can remember that I don't feel suffocated by the blackness. By the storm clouds.

I know it's a temporary fix, but it's a fix. It demonstrably hurts less, and I don't want to go back to feeling like I was before.
When does the hurting stop.

>>18031376
some ppl experience it for years
you have a rought road ahead yourself kid

some ppl die because of it
you know why its heart-break?

So where do I find drugs? How do I make this feeling last long enough that when I come out of it, the pain has stopped? How can I stop caring that she's fucking someone else so close to me being dumped? How can I deal with having to see her at home fairly normally? Or worse, not seeing her at home at all, knowing she's with her new guy.

I don't want to think about any of that. I don't want to worry about it. These pills won't last more than a few days at the rate I'm going to take them. So how I do get more? If not Lorazepam, then something else; Vicodin? Norco? Percocet?

It doesn't hurt right now on lorazepam, and even though I'm feeling like I'm typing a distant dream using someone else's fingers, I feel at peace.

The heartbreak exists as some nebulous force in the middle distance, instead a consuming shadow. It's manageable.

Also, admittedly, it might not be just the lorazepam, but also the tequila.

Sorry I keep responding to my own thing, but I'm feeling impatient.

Here's a tl;dr version:

Have hurties. Found temporary way to stop hurties. Would like to turn that temporary way into a permanent way to stop hurties.

My head's getting cloudy, so I'm going to be bed. But if anyone has some help or advice, I will be more than willing to find this thread even if it 404s.

I'm counting on you guys. I don't want to be heartbroken anymore. I don't want to pine for her anymore.

So tell me how get some meds that could help with that.

Escape from the problem will not solve the problem, you can only numb yourself out for so long my anon.

>>18031918
Yeah, but the plan is to numb out while enough time passes to naturally heal and get over it.

I really just want to be over it. Finding someone else isn't an option, so the only options left to me are time and apparently drugs. I already tried time, and it's not working.

Bmup

one last desperate bump before the drugs run out

>>18031341

Why isn't finding someone else an option? Also why does being with someone have to be an option? The best way to forget someone is to stop seeing them. Try to either move away from them or cut off contact.

Dude, you need a real solution not a band aid. I had some lorazapram and I would love to get some more but my doctors don't understand when I tell them I have anxiety issues and ssri make it elevated to all fucking craziness and just prescribe me ssri anyways.

First off, try and get your own place asap. Then you won't have her around to be a reminder or watch her move on while you just sit there dazed.

Second, you need to find something that can take your mind off things. What works well for me is working my ass off, like moving 40 tons of steel by hand in 48 hours. That helped me a lot with my anxiety by wearing me out and I'm finally able to get some half way decent sleep again. Maybe go for a run or bike ride, something physically extraneous.

The lorazapram helps but it's just a band aid and you will eventually need to rip off the band aid and start trying other stuff to see what works for you.

>>18034822
Mind you being on an ssri and lorazapram my anxiety was higher than without either. I started drinking more green tea. I tried cutting back on energy drinks but that didn't help. For whatever reason I sleep better/more after drinking 5 vs 0.

Do a Google search for natural things that help with anxiety.

I am assuming you are having issues related to anxiety because of the breakup and the environment your stuck living in. I have no idea if anxiety is really your problem or not.

>>18031341

Excersize is HUGE. Helped me a lot with my break up recently and I take Zoloft for anxiety. So it's a must. Do weights or cardio.

Get some fucking sun. Go out side and get at least 10 min of sun. It gives you vitamin D which helps depression and anxiety.

Eat healthy. Don't eat shit food. Google what vitamins help depression

Focus on something. Do something you always wanna do or progress at. For me its learning coding. So I been putting all my time in that and going to the gym. It can be anything constructive.

Meditation helps a lot. I recommend read the Budda walks into a bar. It's about applying the Buddhist lifestyle which is about being in the now. It helps combat depression and anxiety big time.

You just gotta start doing these things and make it a habit. But I been doing this for a month and what worked for me at least>>18031341

Just realize that you're battling against an unfair game. And the cards will always be against you, so kick her out, tell her to move in with her new walking dildo.

1. women are the weaker sex, they're weak, spiritually, mentally, physically. that means they're going to make weak choices.

2. you are male, you need to make strong choices as a result.

3. women are terrible fucking creatures. women themselves will tell you.

trust your mom, only woman you can truly trust, because you came out of her.

>>18034883
and also, those of us who DO find good women, sometimes don't even realize how incredibly lucky we are, so keep that in mind too. respect goes a long way.

>>18034444
It's not an option because nobody would ever want to be with me. Even the person I thought would want to didn't.
>>18034822
>>18034844
I'm planning on moving out of state when the lease is up (not because of the breakup, that was the plan before we started seeing each other, and it got put on hold), so I don't really want to find another place and sign another lease before September.

The other thing, is that I'm recovering from surgery from a work accident on my right foot, so I'm on light duty at work, and can't do any real exercise. I was in a CAM boot since August, and I just managed to stop wearing it about a week ago. I'm having trouble walking without a limp, and without a shooting pain across my toes. So exercise is unfortunately out.

I did, however, just get a promotion at work despite being on light duty, so hopefully I'll more easily be able to lose myself in my job, since I'll be doing something more substantial and not just doing busy work.