I just took the worst shit of my life. There were about 5 different,

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I just took the worst shit of my life. There were about 5 different, wide as hell, rock-solid chunky tissue-tearing pieces. I only got one tiny pebble using my lower muscles alone. Even after a 30-minute session of doing single-player kama sutra positions to align my organs favorably, the only results were nearly passing out, getting drenched with sweat, and now carrying a sphincter full of chunky hell. I walked around with this payload in tow hoping to push along the digestive system, but no such luck. The turds were in no intestine's land and just packed in there like a sack of coal.

I only managed to get them out after swallowing my pride, pushing them out as far as I could, then breaking off some of the volume with my finger so that I could finally pass them. I washed away the smell but I couldn't wash away the emotional damage.

As I sit here, bleeding and defeated, I have two questions for /adv/:

1. Is this what anal feels like?
2. How can I make sure this never happens again?