hey /adv/, been lurking on 4chan for 8 years now, and this is

>>18026843
>the shop starts working worse and worse
>the money doesnt come in as much as it used to
>my dad lends more money from Bob without my mom knowing (with interest)
>life is harder, can barely afford food (there were days when my mom and dad didnt eat lunch because we were short on cash)
>my mom couldnt afford a pair of jeans for my little brothers' prom night, so our aunt bought them for him
>my sister moved to another city
>thats where she met her current boyfriend
>its kinda easier to live now that we have one mouth less to feed
>her boyfriend is somewhat wealthy
>last year, my dad gets a new, much better paying job
>my mom notices that my dad is still paying off cash to Bob
>she confronts him, but he ignores her
>so my dad borrows a lot of money from my sisters' boyfriend, without my sister or my mom knowing to pay Bob off
>when my sister found out, she ignored my dad for more than 2 months
>my mom also told me that my dad used to go around neighborhood and ask our neighbors for some money to pay of Bob's debt
>by now i figured out that Bob is a loanshark
>my dad gets fired a last week
>somehow, Bob finds out that my dad is fired, even tho we literally told no one
cont.

>>18026880
>be today
>my mom and dad get into an argument about debts and Bob
>my dad wont tell my mom how much he owes to Bob
>we also have a large bill for electricity and water
>my mom even hits my dad a few times
>talked with both of them
I dont know what to do, my dad tells me that all he did, he did for us, so that we could live normally. He told me that the debt is around 3200 euros and that he payed it all off, and the next time he sees Bob, he is going to tell him to fuck off
My mom told me that my dad is a liar, a jerk and a crook. And that i shouldnt believe a single word he told me. She also probably wants to divorce him now. This has taken a huge toll on me, i dont know what to do, and on whoms side should i be? Sure, my dad is a liar, but i do believe that all he did, he did for us, and he is my father after all... But my mom is still right, she told me that he screwed over my sister, by borrowing money from her boyfriend and so is he gonna screw over me and my little brother in the future.
What do?

this is an 18+ website. you're an adult, move the fuck out and don't loan them any money.

>>18026893
>What do?
move out fast. Never get financially involved with your family again.

>>18026898
And i dont plan on loaning them, i will be moving out this june, but my brother still has to live with them for 2 more years. Also, the result of this conflict can have a permanent mark on my life.

>>18026907
>Never get financially involved with your family again.
Well, depends on how this works out, my mom told me the same thing, that my dad is going to try and hustle me for some money in the future. But what im asking is, on who's side should i be in here? Should i just remain neutral?

>>18026893
I had a similar dynamic with my parents.

In my opinion, when a man starts lying and robbing Peter to pay Paul, he generally crosses a line where he will shatter any trust people had in him. I don't know what options may or may not have been available to your dad, but I believe a man with any true decency would have found a more honest way to work things out.
My dad often used that "it was for the family" excuse when in reality he was just lazy and incompetent. It's difficult because I know he believes that to a degree, but my Mum is the one who has always tried to do things the right way and she suffered all the more for it.

In terms of what you do moving forward, I'm not really sure.
You have to accept that you cannot rely on your dad and make yourself self-reliant as soon as possible.

>>18026921
You should be on your mom's side. It doesn't mean you have to shun your dad, but it sounds like you need to keep him at arm's length, at least when it comes to money.

>>18026843
How the hell do you not post shit for 8 years?

Anyways, your dad is going to get his legs broken or some shit. I'd gtfo as soon as possible.

>>18026921
neutral.

Its clear your dad being shaken down. Which will never stop. Your mom is right to be mad, but getting mad isn't going to fix things.

Your best bet is to get out of there and not ever get involved with them financially in case bob finds out and sends people to start hitting you up. I mean sure feed them a dinner or have them over but never give them money or bob might find out.

>>18026922
>My dad often used that "it was for the family"
same here
>he was just lazy and incompetent.
my dad is kinda opposite of that, he worked for more than 20 years, but i guess that he is just "clumsy" when it comes to money.
>but my Mum is the one who has always tried to do things the right way and she suffered all the more for it.
Same. My mom always was honest, still is, she absolutely hates when people lie to her, and thats what my dad is doing to her right now. She said because of that, she lost almost all love towards him and the only reason she is with him is because of us (children)

>>18026928
>It doesn't mean you have to shun your dad, but it sounds like you need to keep him at arm's length, at least when it comes to money.
yeah, even as a kid, when i used to get allowance from my nan, my dad used to take it from me, guess to pay the bills, but i understood its for the greater good of the family.

>>18026930
>How the hell do you not post shit for 8 years?
90% of my chan browsing is lurking, rarely ever post
>Anyways, your dad is going to get his legs broken or some shit. I'd gtfo as soon as possible.
told him the same thing, but he told me that its not an American movie, the loansharks are not the same here. He said that if need be, they will go to court and settle it there and that he highly doubts that that sleezebag Bob will do anything (met him a few times, sleezy old bastard, always in physical pain, divorced)

>>18026937
Tis like looking in the mirror.

I should say my own dad did work hard for 20 years, but I think he burnt himself out with stress from being "clumsy" with money as well as stressing out my mum.

A lot of skeletons have come out the closet in this household over the last 18 months. Thankfully I am on the brink of being able to afford my own place and get out of the mess. I will feel a bit guilty for leaving my parents and younger brother behind, but my bro is getting his shit together too and I hope that it will force my mom and dad to see some kind of sense.

>>18026936
>Its clear your dad being shaken down. Which will never stop. Your mom is right to be mad, but getting mad isn't going to fix things.
but i want to help them out somehow. i mean, financially i cant help them, but any other way.

>>18026967
Are you me?
Also, how did you or your dad resolve the whole thing?

>>18026969
If you want to help, knuckle down become as self sufficient as you possibly can be as soon as you possibly can and show them a good example

>>18026980
>and show them a good example
they are entering their 50s, highly doubt that they will be able to do much like i could

>>18026975
I'd say it's not totally resolved. My mum is just forgiving and my dad's health has just deteriorated terribly which makes him more of a sad case.
My mum took charge of the finances and I've deferred on starting my own life for the past few years to pour a lot of money into keeping the house afloat.

The saving grace is that my mum and dad are at a point where they have almost paid off their mortgage so they will have some kind of financial security soon....but even then, my dad still jumps at the sound of the mail being delivered and I wonder if he's got even more hidden debts. (he drives a taxi and is conveniently home during the day when the post arrives and my mum is at work)

From my own experience at least, I will always wonder if my dad is doing shit behind our backs. He's a good guy in other ways and I don't want to totally dismiss that but there is no trust and little love in my parents' marriage.

>>18027019
My parents are practically the same, but, my mom knows about our debt to the state (water, electricity, taxes...), but she is unsure how much my dad owes to Bob and when will he stop paying. My dad implies that he payed off the original debt, but my mom said that loansharks do tend do give HUGE interest, so who knows how much

>Be Walther White
>I dit it for a family

>>18027057
I've always found it unpleasant the way having a family will compromise a lot of men.

I saw it most prominently in my old workplace where the fathers were the sycophants, the ones that would sell out every ounce of their honour because they have mouths to feed.

>>18027066
>the ones that would sell out every ounce of their honour because they have mouths to feed.
isnt that called devotion and love?

>>18027073
Maybe it is. It's a root to evil for a lot of men though. And it's sickening to see people change in that way.

>>18027096
Way less evil than being a single man bent on his own pleasure. You're making it sound like guys are honorable monks before marriage, when it is the opposite, and marriage brings the good in them out.

>>18027100
I'm not saying it's one or the other. I just pointed out a demographic I've noticed a lot in my own experience.

Good and bad on both "sides".