I was date raped two nights ago. I'm not extremely upset

this is above 4chans pay grade

go to a counselor

and get a damn police report/rape kit if you haven't done it yet. don't let that person walk free, and don't let yourself walk around with STDs or pregnancy (if you're female)

>>18026051
what gender is anon what's your age and yes contact police if this was really date rape and if you're a female get a pregnancy test and don't feel ashamed regardless of your gender date rape is messed up dude

>>18026051
just tell them exactly what happened. they'll understand. most guys (unless they're virgins themselves) will not care one iota either way. and you shouldn't look at virginity as some big deal. What is sex? Just masturbating using someone else's body. Try not to be so down about it, but you should let the police know. And if this thread doesn't help you, yes, go get professional help.

>>18026064
>>18026057
I'm female, 19 he is 22 or 23 I can't remember. I'm getting tested for STDs today and I feel very anxious about it because right now I have flu like symptoms. I'm not reporting it because it feels too much like a gray area.

Going against the grain, I don't feel like there's any reason to disclose this highly personal and not really pleasant (even if you don't feel strongly about it now, it might still come - not all rape "trauma" comes from the event itself, it can also be from realizing later onwards that you are a lot more aware of the real dangers out there and your own mortality/physical vulnerability) especially if you don't want to wait for a long time to have sex and thus don't fully trust the person yet. I'd just tell them you are inexperienced and would like a slow & steady first time. If they ask questions, tell them it's personal.

The only exception to me is if you frankly WANT to tell someone that you're a virgin. Then I'd wait until you do really trust them and disclose this, so they understand what the deal is and won't feel too guilty personally if you have a negative response during sex, knowing what it stems from.

As for whether you're still a virgin, obviously not in the most factual definition. But I honestly think that definition is shallow and kind of bullshit. Are lesbians who aren't into strap ons virgins, even after rabid fucking for years? Losing your virginity is about much more than penetration (you can penetrate yourself with a dildo, and virtually all girls have stuck something - even if just a tampon - up there before their first time), it's about the full experience of intimacy. For what it's worth, I've never been penetrated but I do not consider myself a virgin at all. I've done all kinds of sex acts, have made someone climax and someone made me climax, I lied pressed up against someone naked and have told him I loved him. I looked into his eyes while he came. There is nothing "virginal" or inexperienced about that, and to me the fact that he didn't stick it inside is trivial in comparison.
I've heard of a suggestion to switch from the word virginity to "sexual debut" and think that is a whole lot more fitting.

>>18026116
As for you saying that it feels like too much of a grey area, I cannot judge that on the limited info and I can understand feeling that way in some cases. But I do feel that the way psychology works is that people are inclined to feel too guilty/responsible for bad stuff that happens to them. Think of how kids always think that their parents divorcing is their fault - it's shitty but also a psychological way to empower yourself and act like you had more control over the situation than you did.
My advice is to ask yourself frankly: if my dearest friend came to me and told me exactly this story, would I still think it was a grey area?

I wish you all the best and lots of strength. Keep a close eye on yourself, not just conscious issues related to this but also if you suddenly feel less energetic, experience less zest for life etc, even if it feels unrelated to what happened. Something hurtful happened to you, you need to take good care of yourself and have your own back.

In case you do start to consider professional help, there's lots of telephone lines for victims of sexual abuse, or online therapy. It might be easier to start out with something like that, if you find it too big of a step to consult a real life therapist right away. That way you can test the waters and see if it brings you any relief or support. Again I wish you all the best and hope you won't need it.

>>18026051
Honestly I feel like it is up to you. Having taken the virginity of 3 different girls, I can tell you that you can't always tell, and 'the deed' can be done without actual intercourse. To be blunt, I broke one girl's hymen while fingering her.

Anyway. Like I said, it is really up to you. If you really want to be clinical about it, you can tell people you aren't. But if you feel it doesn't count, then go with that. I would advise you to get tested and see a counselor though, these sorts of things can be confusing and hurt you even though you don't feel it straight away.

>>18026098
to be honest your real issue should be that someone raped( not trying to be rude just honest)
but honestly report this to the police if not atleast talk with a family member about it or someone you're very close to if you need to vent please know this isn't your fault and that guy is a fucking cunt ass markass prick who should be fucking butchered you're a strong young woman but if I were in your shoes I'd call the police and have his ass locked so cause who knows if he did the same to others before you or could do it after all it takes is a spark to start a fire and you should be just that

>>18026051

you are still a virgin, at least as much as someone who fucks a hooker is still a virgin.

virginity has social connotations, and pepole who get raped are still virgins in that sense. you lost your physical virginity sure, but a lot of people can argue that you lose that from a dildo or riding horses.

especially if you dont vividly remember the sex or anything.

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>>18026051
> I was date raped two nights ago.
I'm sorry to hear that.

> should I tell future partners that I am a virgin or not?
I think you should be completely honest with future partners. Even though you don't feel it now, a rape is a traumatic event, and you may suffer some trust issues with a future partner. He/she deserves to know. If your new partner cannot deal with it, then he/she is not the partner for you.

Regardless of some fag graph, one night does not make you any less marriageable, or any less of a person.

If there was penetration, I would get tested for STDs before your next partner. No rush now. Once again, I'm sorry you went through that.

>>18026185
Me again also to tell people you are aka no one's been inside you would be lying. Which is a shitty thing to do. No one cares so be honest now and have no fears in the future. Also get that punk ass bitch locked up for rape. It is not acceptable in any way shape or form.

>>18026185
Fucker, don't delude yourself into thinking that most people would think having no hymen is worse than having no kindness in your heart.

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>>18026185
> It's too late you're damaged goods now
> Calling a rape victim damaged goods
Congratulations. You're damaged, and didn't even need to touch a girl to do it.

>>18026051
I do apologize for my previous post which has been removed. To clarify I even thought it was a tad harsh which is why I posted a second more polite one I guess which has not been removed. If it makes you feel better I got suggested for a ban for it and couldn't post for 15 minutes. Sorry for upsetting you and or anyone else.

>>18026239

probably because you called her damaged goods.

>>18026051
i think this b8 is completely serviceable
inb4 over 9000 replies

>>18026262
Haha the reason was for posting garbage that belongs on b. Literally what it said so I admit the wrongness. Second comment still stands though. It's more factual than opinionative even though you mostly get opinions when you ask for advice.

>>18026313

probably why that wasnt deleted.

>>18026051
I lost mine at a party at 15 to a guy I didn't know after drinking a few beers and took a Valium. Can't say I wanted to lose it this way or with this guy but I was hanging with the guy and didn't say no but went with it. Unfortunately I didn't get the opportunity to profess to be a virgin. Not only did this guy tell people but the friend of the guy I really loved was at the party and he knew what happened and told. You aren't a virgin anymore OP, sorry.

>>18026051
no one takes date rape seriously, get over it. idealt withit over 10 times.

>>18026321
also got a warning after a mod saw it. That said it did answer her question about whether or not she was a virgin. Peace out.