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I'm afraid to talk to my partner about any reason I'm unhappy in the relationship because last time we had a fight, he said, "If living with me is so terrible, fucking find somewhere else" and I have nowhere else to go. I am disabled, he is my caretaker and I don't have family. Basically, the fight was because I used the word "pestered" on my personal blog to describe how I felt when he came to check on me 4 times while I was bedridden one day. My sleep cycle was temporarily inverted due to a medication issue. I have a lot of PTSD issues involving being in bed and the sleep/wake cycle. Every time my door opens or someone talks to me while I am in bed, my body sends a stress response and my blood pressure rises. It was callous of me to use the word "pestered" because he only checks on me out of love, however, he was already mad at me simple for expressing annoyance when he checked on me. He told me I had a shitty attitude. He did apologize but I thought it was cruel to hold shelter over my head. He argued that's not what he meant but that's what I got. Well, every morning when he leaves for work, he gives me a kiss goodbye. Sometimes he gropes me when he does this. The time he leaves is early and before the time I wake up now. I wake up at 8:00 and he leaves around 5:00. It took a lot of effort to fix my sleep schedule and it is impractical to change it to completely line up with his. I'd have to go to bed even earlier and then we wouldn't get to spend any time together when he does get home from work. We got on the topic of the kiss goodbye last night and he said something about how if stopped, I'd wonder why and made it out like he does it for me. I said, "well, actually..." and explained how he leaves before my wakeup time and yet again explained my PTSD issues. I went into even more detail how when I was little, my dad would come into my room and touch me at night and in my teens, my parents would yell at me while in bed. (continued)
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I didn't directly say, "this makes me uncomfortable and I'd like you to stop" but it's not like he doesn't have all the facts now. This morning, he still did it. If I tell him, I'm worried it will turn into another fight because he's doing it because he loves me. If he loved me, he'd be more respectful of my boundaries, I think. Also, "I do this because I love you" isn't very reassuring. My dad would say he hits me because he loves me.
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>>18014555
>>18014553
this man is putting up with a lot of shit, maybe its time for you to put up with some shit
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>>18014864
This, expecting him to be the perfect boyfriend and a free caretaker is unrealistic. People in your position don't get happy endings, just endings with slightly less suffering if you're lucky. Yes it's not fair, but hey that's life.
I'm never having children, how could anyone when there's a chance they end up in an impossible position like yours.
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>>18014864
Yeah he does. Okay, I'll put up with it because he is worth it. Thanks.
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>>18014868
Okay, I wish there was a way to ask him to stop that he would accept. I spent a whole hour this morning being pissed off about it but my life is pretty good. Maybe someday it won't remind me of my dad molesting me.
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You sound like a huge pain in the ass.
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>>18015250
Yeah, I am.
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>He did apologize but I thought it was cruel to hold shelter over my head.
>If he loved me, he'd be more respectful of my boundaries, I think. Also, "I do this because I love you" isn't very reassuring.
I used to be someone like you. I'm glad I changed. Stop making excuses for your finicky behavior -- because you are. The way you word all of this tells me all I need to know about you. Learn to appreciate someone else's thoughtful actions instead of looking for something to bitch about.
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>>18015262
It is a nice gesture.
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I wasn't really molested as a kid but i was manipulated to agree to do stuff. I really dont see them the same way but feel both are terrible things to do to a child. Many things remind me of it. I could go months and never think about it then a memory will pop up randomly or something may remind me of it. But i dont blame myself or anyone else, just the person who did it.
You need to realize your bf isnt your dad and his intentions are not the same. He (your bf) must genuinely care for you.
Good luck.
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