It's happened. I've finally broke. I can't take

Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a state of mind and being.

>>18014546
That's the thing, nothing I do to my mind, nothing I do to try make things better, or anything that may bring to think happy thoughts work.

All I think when that happens is, gee well this was fun while it lasted, savor it while it lasts because it's not here for long.

I don't know. Anything I try just doesn't work -- I get it happiness is a state of mind, I have to change the way I think and how I am, but I don't even know how to go about that

>>18014546
It's neither you fucking cocksucker. Happiness is a fleeting feeling that you are biologically designed to be incapable of holding onto.

OP I know how you feel. You've got a few options:

1) go to a clinical therapist and get medicated. It's not the best solution and it takes a lot of time but it genuinely helps a small set of people with this kind of malaise-depression.

2) get your money together, take a long sabbatical from work, and pursue your dream with everything you have. It's risky, but if you're truly pursuing what you want then you'll at least feel real agency again

3) Continue to distract yourself from Ennui with entertainment as you slowly march to the grave

>>18014545
So do you want some sort of purpose in your life, is that it?

>>18014559
That's the thing, I have purpose, it's a dream, a goal, you know? I want to work in my local town hall, do something for my community in a positive way even if it's small. I've worked there before so I could.

But it's just that I know when I actually do it, I won't feel any sense of fulfillment.

>>18014554
I've tried medications when I was younger -- it didn't work and just made me feel even worse, like a duller, grayer version of things.

I was thinking of that, I have a bit saved to go on vacation but then what if it just doesn't work? I mean, I just don't really know what to do. I don't know how to get this feeling gone when it's just constantly there of, wow, this is really boring why am I doing this again?

Fuck, Im only 21 and I can't even put up with this shit anymore... I worked my ass off to graduate early from university so that I could work and feel accomplished, but I just don't feel anything

>>18014567
>but then what if it just doesn't work?
Then you'll at least have tried.

>I worked my ass off to graduate early from university so that I could work and feel accomplished, but I just don't feel anything
You've lived your life pursuing the goals you were told to achieve instead of the ones you cared about.

>I'll always, always want more. It won't end.

It's like food m8. Sure, I'll fucking spend an hour or two making an good curry, enjoy eating it, but at the end of the day, I've got to do the same fucking thing in the next couple of days.

This is just the cycle of life if you will, you can't really do anything about it. It's not bad, I love shopping, cooking, eating, shitting, and repeating that cycle over and over again. Think how your lungs feel, they have to breathe CONSTANTLY even though you're just going to DIE.

If I'm honest, it sounds like you're missing a sense of adventure and a genuine emotional connection to the world around you. That's fine and happens to many people, but you need to think about what you really want to do (those high aspirations you mentioned) and work towards them.

I felt like you before, except I wasn't doing so well. I was giving everything to a shit job that couldn't pay or support me properly. I loved the people I worked with and the challenge was great, but I'd just go home, buy reduced food and cook it, occasionally go for a beer with my friends. I couldn't make any art or do shit that I actually wanted. It felt like I could go on like that forever.

Actually, I think I was stuck. I couldn't see a way out. "How am I supposed to save enough money to move away?", "How am I ever going to be an artist when I'm stuck in a 50 hour work week?", or even "I can't find a better job, I'm too tired all the time." Over time, I began to realise that it was all in my head, that I could work my way out of this. Once I kind of really swallowed that, I began to work more and more, earning money in my spare time. I stopped caring about rest, and just kept working. It opened a few doors, I moved away. I'm still not at the point where I'd say it's all 'done and sorted' because as you said, get to one thing and you want another. But; I feel more at peace with life, I feel more grounded and with more meaning. This is the journey of your 20s lad.

>>18014545
You sound like you need to do something irrational and spontaneous. Do you feel as if everything is so mundane and methodical much like you're starring the Truman Show?

Have you ever bungee jumped or skydove? Get out of your comfort zone. You can also start by reading books.

It's that feeling of "you know too much about life" right? Take some things at face value and see what happens. Every person you interact with has a different story and we all live in different chapters. There's a lot more to life than you think and if you're bored try a different book.

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>>18014545
I feel you brother. I've essentially done the same thing. I'm not sure what I feel passionate about and I'm on the same "git gud" path at university. I even landed a very good coop job but I just don't feel anything. I work 9-5 but it's all just grey and the days bleed into one another and can't even tell where I am anymore. I don't like my family, and I doubt they like me, I like my friends but I never feel like talking with them. I agree with you that I just don't see a purpose with doing anything anymore because it's all meaningless in the end. I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of screaming and crying simultaneously. So far sleeping seems to be the only relief from this suffering.

>>18014658
>>18014545
If it makes you feel any better you're so ridiculously far from alone that it's a serious national problem we're going to have to face in the near future.

Believe it or not it's an education problem.

>>18014545
Been dealing with the same problem for years.
>be 38
>married to 9/10 wife, 3 awesome kids
>own home
>master STEM
>make $120K per year
>don't into drugs or alcohol (3 years sober)
>everything sucks, overwhelming despair and ennui

Got back into old hobbies
>guns (building a few ARs now)
>woodworking
>fishing, kayaking, scuba, surfing

The money/material shit is bullshit. It's never enough. I could make 10 times what I make now and it still wouldn't be enough... if money is what you're going for.

>>18014567
Vacation may be nice. I wish I had enough of money to go travel a bit again. Too bad I have literally none right now 'cause all my paycheck went for the uni fee (I have less than 40 dollars left till end of February).
In general I feel ya dude except my job is shit (doesn't pay well, the boss is a jerk etc.). Hoping something will change after I finish uni I guess.
Maybe you just need a big change? I surely feel like I need one, I think I'll emigrate when I get the degree

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>>18014662
I don't even feel like I'm alone though. In fact, I want to be alone. I don't want to have to talk to people or look at anybody or listen to anything that anybody has to say. Of course, this is a problem which I realize. Why do you feel that it's a national problem and that education has caused it?