So I've had an epiphany: I was researching "Oneitis"

>>18010775

men cannot suppress their urges, only control how they react to them. you can't stop yourself from falling in love, from being horny, or being hungry.

but just because you're hungry doesn't mean you ahve to eat, not that moment, and definitely not whatever it is you are craving. you can make the choice to treat yourself right and not give in to every impulse you have, even when it coems to love.

unfortunately you are no worse than the guy who gets the girl, and just floats from relationship to relationship, letting the romance define him.

This made me tear up like the little beta bitch man I am because I am in the exact same position, except I had this epiphany years ago and every crush and relationship since has been the same shit.

So I don't know what to tell you, man. I just want you to know that you're not alone, and that maybe some day we'll both beat this and be happy.

Look after yourself.

I've a similar experience to you, and here's a twist.

There have been times when I have mentally trained myself to give up on the fantasies. Trouble is, my hormonally charged young male body would kick back. Without at least a fantasy that I had a girlfriend I wanted, my brain essentially gave into despair and I became depressed; I was hungry for the hope I had been accustomed to feeding myself.

The only real cure is ACTUAL positive interactions with a girl - its a natural phenomenon that your brain will fire those dopamines when your evolutionary desire to breed is appeased in some way. I would recommend spending some more time around women generally

>>18010809
I'm >>18010802 and you know what, you might be right.

I have been seriously, sometimes suicidally depressed for the last nine or ten months and the happiest I probably was was when I was back in the saddle with a job over the summer, talking shit with my coworkers and occasionally flirting with the chicks if they were at all receptive. Some were and took me to bed with them, and I suddenly forgot about my ex who I still love painfully.

Now I've been housebound with a physical illness for a couple of months and I'm hideously, suicidally depressed again over the fact this perfect creature doesn't want me any more.

I think I need to go fap and call my boss to see if there's anything part-time going tomorrow morning. Thank you.

"oneitis" is something literally everyone deals with. the only difference is none of those crushes panned out for you, if you even pursued them to begin with.

>>18010791
So it boils down to the willpower issue... Again.
>>18010802
>>18010825
Godspeed, Anon
>>18010809
My best friend told me something similar. Problem is I have a whole lot of self-esteem issues. I hoped I could break the cycle at my end so I had the energy needed to focus on self-improvement, first, then start approaching new women.

>>18010833
That input doesn't help me.

>>18010862

most everything does. you have all the tools you need. its up to you to use them.

though one thing you can do if you have a oneitis is just ask them on a fucking date. if they say no you tend not to pine for them after.

Oneitis is normal. It just means you've found the most compatible partner you've ever met at this stage in your life.

The cure is to ask the girl out, go on a date, and fuck her. It's basically your instinct to pursue a partner, and it's strong.

If you get rejected by your oneitis, the only cure is to go no contact and meet a girl that's better. As soon as you're kissing a new girl, you won't even remember your oneitis' name.

>>18010775
>How do I prevent it from happening again?
420, my niggest

>>18010875

>it just means you've found the most compatible partner you've ever emt at this stage in your life.

what? no it doesn't. it means you are infatuated with someone, how would you even know if you're compatible? hell oneitis is usually used to refer to a woman you can't get, so thats hardly compattible. even if you mean it from a one-sided angle you'd still be wrong, he has no way of knowing how it would be.

it just means he found someone hes crushing hard on.

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anon, I want to help you. Not because I give a shit, but because I have ADHD and I fucking hate it when I ask for help and the only response I get is "try harder."


So, to be completely honest, I know how it sounds, you should see a therapist. Letting a crush effect your life as much as you say they have is unhealthy. You have attachment issues and need to get that fixed. A psychologist may find that you have anxiety or something else that is 100% treatable, possibly even with medication. It's a scary and often stigmatized thing to see a psychologist, but it can really turn your life around. All you have to do is find one in your insurance network (if youre still at school, there may be one for free on campus) and book an appointment.

A less healthy way of going about it, is to drink. Thats what I did. I drank and went out to bars and the drunker I got, the more open I got. The more often I went out, the more comfortable I got around strangers. After a while, I had met enough girls that I realized that any one girl doesn't matter. Just any girl.

When you fix your life , you'll meet lots of people , and lots of girls. MAny of those girls will be potential partners.
When you have many potential partners, you don't worry about one specific person.

As is the solution to most problems on this board: stop focusing on women and fix your damn life.

>>18010871
Oh I asked my last crush out and that's when she told me I shouldn't gret my hopes up because she's fancying some other dude. I haven't had engaging contact with single women, since, so that oneitis is lasting longer than previous ones.
>>18010930
Therapy is on my list for a bunch of other issues.
>>18010958
>How to fix my life
>Fix your life lol
I admit I am in a fairly directionless point in my life, however I am always like this.
Aside from that it's not like I am constantly on the lookout for the next oneitis. It's more that whenever I go through life and have an up-phase I meet somebody that I then slowly get absorbed into and my life goes to shit from then.

>tfw having oneitis for almost a year now
>she rejected me but we still were chummy for months afterwards, asking each other to hang out, talking and seeing each other pretty regularly etc.
>nowadays she gets mad at me quick and sometimes for no reason whatsoever and I get mad also and in general I find our friendship kind of messed up now
Not sure what happened, but I don't even have energy to try to clear it up, especially since I know she'll just get mad at me if I ask.
Meanwhile
>friend of two years or so
>used to meet up with her regularly but it got less frequent when she got a bf
>while she still had a bf she told me she used to crush on me hard when we were still seeing each other regularly one time when we were out drinking
>laugh it off since she has a bf
>recently she broke up with the bf and she messages me quite a bit
>yesterday she sounded sorta drunk in the text and she was saying she loves me and that she's glad she's met me and that kinda stuff
>99,9% sure she'd go out with me if I asked her out
>she's really nice, knows how to communicate properly, never says dick-ish stuff, knows how to provide emotional support, in general lots of empathy which is great compared to my oneitis who's kinda autistic when it comes to emotions
>I still can't stop thinking about oneitis instead of just going for the friend
How to fucking fix this?

>>18011957
OP here.

You see the way. You're not blind to other options. Go for it, and judging from what other people say here it will sort itself out after a while.

Do it, Anon, for all of us who are still blind.

I have a bit of issues with the term "oneitis". I feel that it is completely natural and normal to not really care for other people if you are sincerely infatuated (and not just having a little crush or soft spot for someone). That's kind of the point, that it's obsessive.

This is something that you can't change. What you can change (somewhat, talking damage control here) is how much it impairs the rest of your life. The happier you are with yourself and where you are in life, the more you have going on outside of your love life (hobbies, friendship, family, your education, side jobs), the more you'll have to fall back on and the less likely it is that you're going to stop giving a fuck about all that when you fall in love.

Basically, instead of trying to lessen the force of infatuation itself, make it smaller within its own context by building yourself up in other areas.

>>18011977
Maybe I should really just do it. I mean, I clearly doesn't feel the same about this friend of mine as I feel about the oneitis, but I see her good points, and I see how better she is compared to my oneitis, at least when I look at it rationally. But on another hand I got a thing for "broken" people, ones that can't communicate properly, that are a bit "autistic" when it comes to emotions, not really because I want to fix them, but because I think we could understand each other. But seems like we can't, not with the oneitis I mean.
>>18011985
>tfw I work
>tfw I study (writing my diploma right now)
>tfw I have friends and meet them somewhat regularly (and lately I switch to different ones, for a long time I kept only seeing 2-3 closest ones + ms. oneitis)
>tfw I recently got a bit closer with my brothers (from never talking to each other to talking to each other from time to time)
>tfw I try to get back into my hobbies like drawing lately
Occupied all the time, I still find myself thinking about her during the day or at the end of the day. Infatuation is a terrible thing. Well, maybe getting a different gf is the last step I need to take.

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I used to feel that obsessive nature with a few girls in the past, and of course, it never worked out. But I can tell you that two things have helped me overcome it. First, become committed to something else. I'm getting a masters degree right now and once I entered university that's all I've cared about. It's made it much easier for me to disregard females who float into my life. Second, but this one is bad; you must walk into the abyss and embrace what you find there. What I mean by this is that you must learn to enjoy being alone. You must figure out how to enjoy just hanging out with yourself. What do you like? What do you dislike? What do you want to do in life? It's taken me years but I've finally learned to enjoy being alone. Once I learned this, all of a sudden my luck with women turned around. Though I caution you, once you walk into the abyss you might not be able to walk back out.

Oh yeah, Oneitis got me good..

There is only 1 girl I've ever actually cared for, and I fell for her HARD. Things didn't work out, and she moved on. But I can't. Now, I've accepted the fact we'll never get back together. I 100% know this. I don't hope for change since I know it won't. I don't cry anymore. I don't even depress over her anymore. But, I can not get feelings or attracted to new girls. It's not possible. I literally don't give a fuck about other girls at all. I won't even have sex with them.

It's like our "breakup" sucked all of the emotion out of me. I literally don't feel anything towards girls anymore.

>>18012019
Never go for the naturally tight-lipped ones, Anon. As far as I can tell, people will have enough struggle to say what they feel and want even when they are naturally communicative people.
The one thing I repeatedly come back to that annoys me about my last crush is that she has this terrible habit of not responding for days. I'm obsessed with her because everything else about her is just so inspiring, but ultimately I too see that I'm in a bad place and need to move on because I cannot deal with a woman that can't deal, either.

>>18012029
There's a bunch of things I aspire to do. I have a bachelor's degree in audio production and I love voice acting. I'm trying to gain the courage to put myself out there and apply for some projects. I'm not a native english speaker, though, and my American impersonation needs still work I'm told, and my native language doesn't have a particularly large VA scene I'm afraid.

I will admit I need a daily activity, I got far too much time on my hands to marinate in it, but that's where I'm blocked by something deeper, which is why I wanna go to therapy and sort my mental mess out.

>>18012034
That's exactly how it feels right now. Emptiness. I'm pretty sure I was in a fairly good spot to at least have a nice flirt but I couldn't bring myself to pick up the conversation after a brief pause.

>>18012108

Rarely, girls show interest in me. Mostly that's just because I got on Tinder out of boredom. But I never act. I'm going to be meeting up with a girl on Friday, but only because my friends have been pressuring me. She is excited about meeting. Honestly, I think she wants to have sex because of how she's talked to me. But im going to friendzoned her once we meet

>>18012108

>VA scene

VA as in Virginia?

>>18012119
Voice Acting scene.

>>18012120

Ah