Boyfriend wont fuck me enough. Maybe once a month tops. Refuses

>>18009491

two dudes or do you mean 'going down on you' when you say head?

>>18009493
F and M. I've stopped reciprocating because it makes me feel resentful even though I generally enjoy giving.

I've cleaned everything, shaved, powdered, tried every approach. I don't know if he thinks it's just unmanly, or lazy, or selfish.

I haven't climaxed from sex with him in 3 months.

No I don't think you are selfish. Been together with my gf for 4 years and we still fuck 4-5 times/week.

It seems like your sexdrives aren't compatible.

Been there, done that. Tell him he needs to take care of you or you will leave. If he really is that selfish then you can do better. If his job is stressing him out that much that he doesn't have time for you then he doesn't have time to just lay there enjoying your hard work either.

5 months is waaay too long to endure the physical and emotional drought he's putting you through.

This is just what happens naturally in any relationship that lasts this long.

From here, it's really about both of you putting forth an active effort to fulfill each others intimacy needs, and that requires communication.

>>18009509
I have communicated the shit out of this problem.

I still give head and sex even though I get nothing in return. Either he's not being honest about the problem or he really is just too lazy.

>>18009515
I'm still going to go with the laziness here, and it really depends on HOW you're communicating this, does this topic come up during sex? before? after?

>i still give head and sex
well, no you don't give sex, the sex is mutual

How would your boyfriend feel about not getting head anymore?

>>18009518
I have communicated nicely, softly, questioningly, angrily, sadly, stubbornly, emotionlessly, subtly, everything. I've even tried not bringing it up at all after the first time.

He wants head but honestly doesn't seem to care at all if he goes a month without anything. Withholding only hurts ME it seems

>>18009543

Then it's time to talk to him about this in the context that you're considering leaving the relationship if things don't improve. Life's too short to waste being celibate.

Sounds like hes depressed to be honest. Hes obviously not happy with you but he doesnt want to make a change (symptom of depression).

>>18009543
You didn't really answer my question though, I asked WHEN you communicate the feelings you listed, not HOW you communicate them.

I'm trying to understand the circumstances your boyfriend is under when this issue comes up. - many times it could have been brushed off as unnecessary nagging, OR may have something to do with an insecurity he carries from a previous experience giving you head - does this bring up any memories? have you critiqued his technique during at any point? These may seem like small details but may have a significant influence on his security with pleasuring you when it comes down to it.

>>18009555
oh edit, i re-read my post and can see how that may have been misunderstood, sorry.

Have you ever tried to ask him to give you head, immediately before having sex? and if so, has he just straight up said "no, I'm too lazy" - something is missing here.

Honestly I would bail. Who has the time for this? And with "this" I don't mean his sex drive tanking. Life happens. I'm talking about him admitting that it is laziness (or refusing to be open with you) yet refusing to do anything about it. And telling you that you're selfish - it would already be pretty douchy to call you selfish for wanting sex more often than once a month, but for wanting to be attended to as well in bed?

Fuck that.

>>18009491
So I've read the thread and it seems like you've done everything thats standard practice in the situation. You've talked to him for 5 months and he hasn't changed, you haven't climaxed in 3 and he knows this. He has given you an excuse yet doesn't ask for your help in helping him de-stress. I don't know what to make of the reciprocating head but that's a different issue on what you guys will allow in sex, not how many times you go to fuck.

So here's my advice: give him an ultimatum. Don't blow things up, don't bring it up in a heated argument. After sex or at a time when it is appropriate, calmly give him this ultimatum:

"I would like more sex, and even though I love you it irritates me to the extreme that I don't get enough sex. You need to give me more sex or allow me to get sex from someone else that you trust. If you won't allow me to do this, there will be [insert consequences]."

It is up to you to make the correct consequences that will make him cave in yet not ruin the relationship. If he brings up the argument that "it is selfish" to demand more sex, tell him that if he loves you, he will do it regardless of whether it is selfish or not and that you have already demonstrated that you're tired of giving more into sex that he is.

Another approach is to compromise: give him something in return. Just be wary of what you trade for more sex.

>>18009491

Has it been this way since the beginning of the relationship, or have things slowly declined?

If it's the former, it may just be that your boyfriend has a lower sex drive than you. If it's the latter, then it's safe to assume something has happened to cause his lack of interest and of course - only you know him enough to try and gauge what this might be.

What happens when you try and instigate sex? Does he go along with it or ask you to stop?

All I can say is that this is a slippery slope and often ends up causing far more problems in the future. A lack of sex means a lack of intimacy, and it's all too easy to fall out of the role of partners and into the role of house mates or friends. There isn't much coming back from that.

Obviously his health is important in all this too - if he's struggling with his mood or with high stress levels, it might be worth him seeing a doctor for further advice.

I speak from somebody dealing with a similar kind of situation (bf has lost interest because he isn't feeling himself) and it has only been going on for just over a week. It's already causing me to feel shitty about myself and us, so I can't imagine how five months would feel.

>>18009491
are you fat/ gained weight over the course of your relationship? maybe your hygiene has taken a hit, maybe you aren't trying to be sexy, if a guy doesn't want to fuck a woman, he's either cheating or not attracted to the woman.

>>18009491
"NEEDS"
Nobody needs to fuck you slut
You NEED to eat, drink water and sleep. You don't NEED to be fucked.

His job is probably stressful, but a leech like you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

>>18009656
I disagree.... I had a bf that wouldnt fuck me... but turns out it was a fetish thing and he just really didnt enjoy sex at all... which turned into a problem as in the end i was willing to partake in his stuff, but he was really begrudging with mine. He did hold out a long time before telling me so maybe thats what is going on?

>>18009974
maybe, OP could also try tightening exercises.