Am I an asshole if I refuse to pay her bill for dates? I'm

pay but don't go to high priced dinners for the first date. otherwise you're spending a lot of cash.

my move is morning coffee. leaves a lot of room for the date to expand if it goes well and it'll only be like $5 if it doesn't.

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>>17998828

Typically, whoever invites who pays. Also, people tend to switch off and pay every other time or go dutch if there is a second or third date.

Listen, man, don't boil this down to such a simple metric too much. I've been out with girls that expect me to pay. I've been out with girls that let me pay but felt bad about it because they were too shy to speak up. I've been out with girls that insisted on going half, insisted on paying the whole thing and girls who were actually offended when I tried to pay. There's all different kinds.

Sometimes first dates are awkward and figuring out money makes it additionally awkward and things get fucked up despite both parties' best attempts at smoothing things over.

Yes, some girls like to be treated and want to be taken care of and treated like a princess but lets be real, there are TONS of guys, especially super alpha ones that WANT a girl who they can buy and own and care for and manipulate with money. They enjoy having their hot little helpless play things and the helpless play things enjoy being dominated. Its a tale as old as time.

You just have to find the girl thats right for you but I would highly encourage you not to make some sweeping snap judgement about a girl's personality just because she let you pay for a first date or was a little awkward when the check came. In my experience there are a ton of explanations for that happening other than "she's a gold digging whore".

>>17998849
I feel pretty dirty being in control of everything, could be a sign of changing times.

Still though, I'm in college and I mainly date college girls, they should at least be aware that I'm dirt poor.

I'm really just wondering if I'm shooting myself in the foot by asking to split. Like if it gives off a bad impression some how. Even to those that don't think the man should pay.

>>17998837
I could go for something super cheap yeah.

Nah. I don't like letting guys pay for me because then I feel obligated to like, fuck them or something. Don't like feeling indebted.
I just pay for myself.

So you're right, if the chick is turned off you didn't pay, then fuck her you don't want her anyway.

Only thing I will say, is while I do not allow for it, if I'm questioning whether it's a date or just 2 friends going out, I hesitate and see if he offers.

Again, I don't take him up on it, but if he offers then I assume it was a date. If not, I assume it was platonic.
So just make sure when you set your shit up you aren't vague about what it is and tell her it's a date.

>>17998925
Alright that's fair.

>>17998828
Everyone should just pay for their own food. That's how I've always done it and if anyone viewed me differently then it's good that I didn't have to deal with their sexist views down the line.

>>17998828
No....i have had a girl offer to buy me lunch. Its cool

>>17998828
The person who asks the other person out, pays.

You invited HER out? You pay.

You can do whatever you want to at the end of the day, but on average, you're gonna look like an asshole.

If you want to fight convention, go for it, but know that you're going to be looked down on for it by most girls you date. Prove your point, I'm all for that. But you're gonna lose points for insisting she pays her part.

Taking a girl out and treating her to a meal is a fun thing, if you can afford it. Makes you feel like you can actually provide. There's what you want dating to be like, and reality, though.

>>17998828
>we both should be equals.

Yeah that's where you fucked up, not your fault tho, modern society has poisoned your mind.

I think it's fair and reasonable to expect to split the bill 50/50. I don't really agree that asking someone out means that you should pay. I think that's really stupid actually, I mean if her and I are on a dating site, we both want to go out and meet people. It's not exactly like either of us would inconvenience the other.

Well anyway that's just my retarded opinion. I think the key thing is that 50/50 is an okay expectation and anyone that is not comfortable with that is just not your cup of tea.

As a side note, a few girls have paid for my dates before and I accepted it without arguing just to see what it's like. It's fine, not really a big deal. It's a bit subversive so I kind of enjoyed it, but I think it should be a two-way street.

>>17999681

Fuck man you lot just don't fucking give up do you? You'll fucking find the 'problem of modern society' in a fucking finger nail clipping.

>>17999714
>Fuck man you lot just don't fucking give up do you? You'll fucking find the 'problem of modern society' in a fucking finger nail clipping.

Do go into detail on how I'm wrong on the courting dynamics that go back to our knuckle dragging days.

>>17998828
You're not an asshole, but honestly if he doesn't even offer it feels a bit cheap.
I'd prefer go out for a 1€ coffee and have him offer than going out on an expensive place and having him say we should split the bill without even offering to pay for me.
It just feels not very romantic or invested.

Me and my boyfriend usually take turns, but on our first dates he insisted to pay and it felt pretty nice. Sure, I don't think he spent more than 20€ on me in total on those dates, but I appreciated.