Understanding people general. I don't understand emotional

Sounds like you both have issues. Your SO's reaction is not normal, but you interpreting "I wish we could be together more" as "I wish you had a different job" and getting angry about it isn't normal either.

>>17995636
Maybe it's not clear, but my reaction comes from the following analysis:

>Have job
>Job's the problem
>Can't change job
>Issue

Since I know from the starting point that the only way currently for us to be together more is me changing my job, I come from the following mode of thinking:
"Since we both know that the job is the issue but we also both know that it won't be changed right now you're raising a moot point unless what you mean is that you want me to change the job"

>>17995636
I imagine her reaction comes from the 3 years of dealing with that.

OP, she's not saying you have to leave the job, she's just sad that you don't get to see each other that much. Maybe you can do something so she feels less lonely, like leaving notes for her or something

>>17995632

>Still, the initial reaction is there and I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

Your SO acted like a needy child and you acted like a presumptuous prick.

Neither one of you behaved like an adult.

>>17995704
huh? how did I act like a prick?

Have either of you ever thought of moving closer to your job?

>>17995712

I'm amazed that you need this pointed out for you.

Your girlfriend just expresses herself in a moment of stress and vulnerability about the fact that she wishes she spent more time with you and you interpreted that as some sort of attack on your career and used the opportunity to get angry and bottle up all your shitty immature thoughts like a little kid instead of being an adult and talking about it with her.

That is classico prick behavior, friend, and if not prick behavior at least terribly childish.

>>17995733
Now you're just projecting. I never said anything about my career. It's simply a matter of "dream job" or "Flipping burgers for a minimum wage". Plus, she knows it very well.

Also, what is there to talk about? It's a clear, zero sum, solved situation. We can't do anything about it at the moment and we both know that.

>>17995730
Hah, I'd love to really, but it would drain financial resources like there's no tomorrow. I live on the outskirts because that's the only way I can save up to buy my own place, and even that's a "within 5 or so years" clause.

>>17995785
I see. So are you really looking for advice about this situation (what this anon said>>17995733) or are you just wanting people to say she's a cunt? You felt personally attacked even though she was simply expressing how she's missed you. I don't have the her side of the story and we don't have the whole context of the situation. What's been going on in her life where her reaction is to start crying when you get ready to go to work like you've always done the past three years?

>>17995814
I've started this thread by saying I believe she meant no ill will and it's me who doesn't get it, what the fuck is wrong with everyone.

Tbh I'd rather have people tell me I'm just a waste of flesh, fits more with my own understanding of things.

As for her life and there possibly being any other motives for her crying. If there are any, she hasn't told me. All I know is what I've already said.

>>17995824
>As for her life and there possibly being any other motives for her crying. If there are any, she hasn't told me. All I know is what I've already said.

You should ask her. Maybe she feels like you don't care.

> Tbh I'd rather have people tell me I'm just a waste of flesh, fits more with my own understanding of things.

You're not a waste of flesh. If that's your understanding of things, you've other issues that needed to be worked on than simply trying to understand your gf's crying before you go to work.

>>17996290
> You're not a waste of flesh. If that's your understanding of things, you've other issues that needed to be worked on than simply trying to understand your gf's crying before you go to work.

Eh, it's one of those things I "sort of" get, but rarely believe. Did my fair share of volunteer work, keep up good relations with F&F, let my grandma know I love her and remember, all that sort of stuff. A "waste" is an overstatement on my part for sure, but I did wanted to stress out that I didn't start this topic to fish for people taking "my" side. I have a ton of issues, from firm belief that I have no skills or natural abilities to a belief that it would've been best if I cut off all my contacts and just wend the fuck away to live in a forest on the other side of the globe or whatever.

Those issues however I've diagnosed and am working on fixing, so that's not a serious thing that I'd seek outside help about. Just something that gets to me every now and then, because if all you can do is speak two languages well and have sex in a way pleasing to your partner, you're not gonna up your value quickly.

>>17996313
> because if all you can do is speak two languages well and have sex in a way pleasing to your partner, you're not gonna up your value quickly.

You're making the assumption that your value is something that must be attained, earned. You already have intrinsic value simply because you exist anon.

>>17996327
I guess so, but since we're derailing the thread into something good, what about this idea:
None of my skills are marketable. If the company I work for goes under I have at most 10 months worth of savings and in the meantime all I'm good for is flippin' burgers.

That's why I'm working towards getting some actual skills that might help me future-proof myself. I know there's no 100% way, but if I at least had a contingency plan better than minimum wage I'd feel much more secure about myself. That's what motivates, but also scares me.

>>17996368
When you say you're working towards getting actual skills what do you mean by that? Are you working towards a degree while working or do you mean something else? I understand the need to plan ahead for the future so as not to be stuck doing an unfulfilling minimum wage paying job. I've worked at numerous ones, sometimes all at the same time. It sucks.

if you can't come home from work every day you do need a new job. fuck your dreams

>>17996378
I have a well paid and stable job, but there's only one company working the field within 300 or so miles, so if anything goes wrong it's very bad news.

When I come back home I spend time with my SO and when that's done I do online courses. So far it's slow, but I've only recently started, a few weeks ago. I'm done with uni. Been there, done a bit, got a paper, never looked back.

>>17996396
You come across as a very analytical, cut and dry type of person. > I spend time with my significant other...when that's done I move on to my online courses...

You come across as very matter of fact and calculating, as if you're going through a routine program- not implying you actually mean to sound like this.

>>17996400
It's hard for me to agree or disagree, since my own view of me is skewed. That said I do tend to dismiss emotional responses in favor of logical conclusions. That of course is just the way I approach problems. It's usual for me to come to the right conclusion but lack the strenght to put it to practice.

Case in point - I set my priority to be finishing a course, but then I come back from work and all I can think of is just letting go and getting some rest. I'm aware that rest is crucial, but even after a few hours of faffing about I don't actually start doing the important stuff. Doesn't happen every day fortunately, but it does occur. It's a success for me to get comfortable enough to both rest, do a bit of self development related work and not beat myself over the fact that I had to spend and hour or two resting instead of pouring all my free time into self-dev.

Also keep in mind I'm being vague where possible for the sake of making sure that absolutely none of my friends could read this and link the case discussed to me.

>>17996429
I can empathize anon. I also have worked a couple of jobs while doing online courses. It's hard especially when after returning from work the last things desired is to just do more work. The brain and body do indeed need rest. And I understand the need for anonymity. No worries. Though you probably won't like the suggestion, maybe cutting back either from your job or taking fewer courses will give you the necessary time to be able to rest without feeling guilty while also allowing you to budget your time better.

>>17996441
Thanks for honesty, what you suggest really goes along my lines of thinking as well. A year ago I was really unable to process the fact that I just couldn't use time like in some sort of video game where I just do one thing, then another, then something else.

Now it's much easier though, as I've started to care about it all in a more rational way. Sometimes I don't do that self-work, sometimes I do a bit of it, other times I can spend a long, productive evening and it's fine. Being able to notice small improvements is a huge boost as well.

How did it end for you? All good now?

>>17996453
Is that so? Yeah being able to realize that life isn't easy like a video game in steps and that it happens more organically and spontaneously is a better perspective I think. And, being able to take note of the small improvements is huge. Jotting them down as a reminder is great. I do that.

For me, it's still ongoing, but much better than the past. Thank you for asking, it's very kind of you. I've learned to re-think my un-realistic expectations of myself and my distorted perception of those around me. It's not easy street, but it's definitely a much better situation than before thankfully. I cut back on my work and have been able to enjoy my studies and retain what I'm learning. It's a long story.

>>17995632
>I'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

Nothing, these are very valid feelings to have. Just dont be mean, and communicate them to her. Letting it fester and not talking about it is the only bad move.

Thanks all, this has been a good thread for me. No matter what your opinion was, it was worth reading for me, gave me pause and some things to think about. I wish you all well. OP going the fuck to sleep.

>>17996482
All the best to you OP.