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I think I have some sort of problem connecting with others. I'm about to turn 22 and it's dawning on me that I've barely made any friends since high school. I've met co-workers and classmates but have literally hung out with 1 new person since high school.
These feelings of being unwanted plague me at random for days at a time, and I'll sit around feeling rather sad and unmotivated. Lately I've felt great since I started a new job and everyone is awesome, but not many people talk with me. A fair amount of people get noticeably awkward when I show up. I never noticed it until the one real outgoing group of dudes everyone likes came in, chatted up the whole office, and went to talk to me but just smiled awkwardly and bowed out. I'm not sure why it happens.
I can get along with customers/people on a short term real well, but long term (3 weeks+) it gets hard for me and I start noticing the things like in the last paragraph. Actually establishing that connection and opening up just doesn't happen with me.
I'm rather quiet and serious, but always laugh/listen along with everyone, chime in/joke around when I can, but maybe I'm coming across as weird or something? What can I even examine and/or change about myself to be more likeable and get to know others?
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>>17995368
>I'm rather quiet and serious
Perhaps that. Try and look at your self from their point of view. You don't have to be everything to everyone so if you get along with those who matter perhaps that will do.
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the things you need to do to make people like you are actually really counterintuitive . mostly it's about listening and allowing them to expand their ego and acting interested, and you personality doesn't factor in much at all.
read how to win friends & influence people.
you can make friends with pretty much anyone you meet but you'll find it's actually pretty annoying and time consuming to listen to people's bullshit and be enthusiastic about it.
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>>17995368
you probably met hundreds of people in high school. How many people have you met since? maybe a couple dozen, more if you went to college.
Sounds normal to me.
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>>17995388
I suppose that could be a part of it. Like, I recognize that and try to go talk with others more casually, but sometimes the seriousness bleeds through. Feels like I'm interviewing people sometimes, I get to know them but I just don't know what else to do besides that (in the moment conversation. etc.)
I'll contemplate it some more, thank you
>>17995410
I've noticed this works with some people really well, just listening. Used to study towards being a therapist, so I actually enjoy listening to others talk about themselves. Inflating someone's ego bothers me so I don't do it much, may need to just do it.
I see that book recommended everywhere, I really need to just read it. Thanks for the recommendation.
>>17995419
High school was the peak of my unsociability, I met 2 friends there that I actually have established a deeper connection with. Since college/work (18-22), like I mentioned I've literally met 1 new person that wanted to hang out. Never got a party/hangout invite ever, though my campus regulates parties anyway.
In class, I focus pretty intently on the lecture and just.. don't socialize much.
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>>17995449
>inflating someone's ego
you don't need to be sycophantic . literally just listen to them and let them boast about themselves without making a disgusted face or walking away and they will pretty much fall in love with you.
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