I've been thinking about getting back in contact with with

>>17991803
Don't just show up that's stupid for a nimber of reasons, but id start with the nice aunt then go from there. you should also get in touch with the grandparents there old and might not have too long anyway even tho you dont like them it would probably mean a lot too them if they miss you.

>>17991803

I've been in a similar family situation. Expect some backlash from your parents and siblings...they may feel weird about you contacting them. Maybe talk tot hem first and ask for the whole story. Tell them you are thinking about reaching out. Be honest about your feelings, positive and negative, towards these people.

It won't fix everything, but it will get everything out in the open and reduce suspicion. It might also convince your parents to think about reconciling somewhat.

>>17991821
> start with the nice aunt
Can't really control who I meet when I contact them. Might be my Uncle who opens the door/picks up the phone, or one of my cousins.

I do know, thanks to my grand-aunt (Grandmother's sister on my fathers side), that my Grandfather is more or less demented by now.
I would probably give Grandma a chance but if she is still the same, I wouldn't bother.

>>17991828
Well, there will be backlash from my brother. He got screwed over by our grandparents quite a bit.
They promised a lot of things, like paying for his driving license, but never actually did anything.

My parents always made it very clear that it is my decision whether I want any contact with that side of the family and they would not interfere in any way.
I also believe that I know the full story except for some, apparently rather interesting, possibly illegal, stuff that my grandmother did some 40 years ago. My father says he will talk about that once she and all who were part of it are dead.

There will be some weird looks, but no big problems if I decide to contact Aunt, Uncle and Cousins, especially because my parents know how incredibly nice my Aunt is and how sad I am about not having any contact anymore.

I wouldn't even try reconciling. There are some things between my father and Uncle that go way too deep to be repaired. They tried for decades, it only ended in stress and shouting.

But their sins are not mine.

This whole thing has been on my mind for something like 5 years.
My grandfather on my mothers side is more cancer than human by now and pretty much on his deathbed and that got me thinking that I shouldn't waste much more time if I really intend to get back in touch. If I wait too long it may just be too late.

10 years is a long time. People do change with time despite what people seem to like to think and sometimes they want to make amends or just reach out to make right important things.

I'd visit, ultimately as an adult you are better equipped and now prepared to form your own opinion and it won't cost you anything except some time. At least that way you can find out if you were right, or wrong because once they are dead you've kind of had it.

I'd phrase it like that as well, obviously at age 10-11 you've not got much of an opinion of your own. As an adult, yeah why not give it a shot, see what they are like.

If they are complete assholes and view you as a tool to drive a wedge between various other family members or otherwise cause high drama then fuck them. My maternal grandmother is kind of like that and I've given up. Yeah cool we can hang out if you want to do something which we both enjoy and have an actual adult friendship like adults do, but not if you just want to get me alone so you can start being up old wounds and trying to drip poison and take everything I say and try and use it against other people.

>>17991828
Best advice

>>17991947
>>17991828
Well, that whole part is already not that much of a problem.

My concern is how I would go about approaching them in the first place.
A phone call seems to impersonal, but just showing up out of the blue, uninvited, might be a bit rude.

Also maybe flowers? Or some other gift?

>>17991972
>Also maybe flowers? Or some other gift?
To specify:
A gift, not as an apology, obviously, but as a gesture of good will.

Why not call your aunt and explain that you know the situation and how long it's been, but you want to get into contact with her family. Then you can maybe say hey I'll come round whenever. If she plans with you she'll be able to meet you alone or somethin. Then just take it from there.

I don't think you neccasarily need to tell your immediate family. They'll just give you hear for it. This way if things don't work out nobody needs to know. If they do then you can reach out to them without any unneeded problems.

>>17992026
Like I said:
I have no way of contacting my Aunt specifically.
If I call, any one of them might pick up the phone.

I can't help but think that a phone call would be much more awkward and... weird than just showing up at their door on a saturday around 2 or 3pm.

They only live about an hour from here so getting there wouldn't be a problem and if they shut the door in my face, well, 2 or 3 hours wouldn't be that much.

>>17992072
Doesn't need to be awkward anon. Just pick up and ask if aunty xyz is there. If they ask who it is you can just say your name. There not gonna start interrogating you.

Can't relate to this at all. Never had any desire to hang out with people just because they are related to me. I have no contact with any relations, this is how it has always been, or at least for as long as i could influence it. It is hard enough to find something to talk about with people you chose and like, shared genes just are not a basis for a relationship for me.

>>17992140
It's not about them being related.
If that was the case I would want contact with my grandparents but I don't.

I just remember that my aunt and cousins were decent and nice people, at least to me.

>>17992137
>Just pick up and ask if aunty xyz is there.
That would be a massive dick move to whoever picks up the phone.
>Oh no, Uncle, I don't want to speak to YOU!

>>17992181
I think you're over thinking things. Just call then

>hello?
>hey i was wandering if {Aunties First and Last name} is available to speak?

>K
>passes the phone

OR

>anon?! Wow its been so long!

Then you can chat with them. You can explain how you're reaching out and stuff. I'm assuming that although the aunty is the one who sent you the card, you're looking to have a decent relationship with the whole family.