So I'm thinking about suicide thoroughly, multiple times

>>17991676
talk to a professional.

well, this is actually pretty common. there are a lot of people who are normal, but have some abnormal thoughts like suicide or killing someone, or the need to tear off their skin. it can be caused by physical ailments like scoliosis or some shitty ear disease. but also by a childhood trauma, malnutrition, cardi-vascular conditions etc... there is a lot of shit that can make you like that, so better see a professional.

>>17991788
Well I have a degenerative disease, so Argo rational

>>17991791
well then, how to deal with this? honestly, i dont know. different people have different strategies. i started to have suicidal toughts ten years ago. but keep them in check with keeping myself occupied (like working two jobs, making music, taking dancing classes two times a week). sometimes (2-3 times a year) they still appear, then i just tell myself they will go away if i go to sleep, and usually they do.
on the other side, a worker in my company once confessed she had suicidal thoughts and profesionals failed her. so we tried different methods of how to deal with it. the most successful was keeping her visual stimuli to a minimum.

>>17991791
>argo
Argo fuck yourself. You mean ergo, my dude
But seriously, I've been suicidal for over a year. I've also thought that it's rational to not exist for a while as well. Anti-natalism is a good jumping off point on the modern side of things. Existentialism is a more traditional delve into suicidal philosophy. In any case, your aren't alone in thinking non-existence is just plain better.