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Alright /adv/ I'm a usual browser of /lol/ but I know if I were to ask for advice there I'd get called a faggot and whatnot so I'm gonna talk about it here.
Recently I've been inflicted with a conflict that has changed my life. That is: My mother is getting a divorce due to my stepdad's abuse due to steriod use.
Now, for some context.
>I was never treated bad in the 7 years they were married. I had some times where he went overboard but it was long ago. I always got what I wanted as long as I worked for it, and I was never treated badly.
As for my mother, that's a different story. But I won't go into detail because it's fucking long. All you have to know is that he did steroids and abused my mother after kicking her out over 10 times in the following two months before she "escaped" from my house to get away from him. We all live with my grandmother who had an empty house and enjoys us staying because she likes to cook for us, and I help her out with manual labor.
Anyways, now that it's over, here comes the advice part. My dad wants visitation rights. He isn't a legal guardian or parent, and isn't on the birth certificate. There's no reason why he should have them. But he wants to see me and my little brother every now and then. After all, he was the closest thing to a father I've had in my life. And never treated me like he treated my mother. And I'm sure if I do see him every now and again that our relationship won't go down the shitter.
But, I could refuse it because of the transgressions against my mother and the dissolution of her assets and social life. I could show no mercy and show to him that nobody can just get away with such things. To prove that since he made a stupid decision, it'll cost him dearly.
The court date is soon, and I'd like some thoughts.
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me personally, i wouldn't be able to see him. he beat your mother, multiple times. this wasn't a slip, this was a long term pattern of abuse. thats not something you just ignore while you bond.
but thats me. if you feel otherwise, you do for a reason, and me saying you should feel bad about it shouldn't make you feel bad about it.
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>>17987099
What's the situation with your biological father?
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>>17987107
That was my initial feelings and thoughts about it, but he's messaged me throughout the months and showed me that he's missed me and whatnot. I'm not allowed to talk to him so it's basically him texting me and me not replying.
Today he sent me a picture of a soda can I used to shoot with my step brother.
Well, he sent it to a friend who's also a neighbor and screenshotted it to me cause he knew I'd see it directly but you catch my drift.
>a fucking soda can he could've thrown away but instead he kept he picked it off the ground and put it back on the post where I had it
Idk if it's bait or what, but it hit me in the feels
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>>17987119
He did oxycontin and my mother left him and then he stopped seeing me when I was 7. His name isn't on the birth certificate either, and I don't give him much thought because he's never played a large role in my life.
I've moved back to my hometown and probably could see him or might run into him. But I don't wanna pursue him.
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>>17987128
im not saying hes entirely evil, no one is. but that doesn't change what went wrong.
he committed a crime. a real crime. he beat your mother. fuck if he even just hit her, thats not fucking okay. your real birth mother. unless you think she deserved a couple smacks, seeing him and bonding with him is just pretty mean.
imagine someone raped your mom, and you kept seeing him becasue he kept some memento from one time you hung out.
its not that different anon. its really not.
do waht you think you must, but just because he has a good side doesn't mean you should indulge it.
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It's up to you man. Do you like him? If it were me, I'd say fuck em'. Don't tell it to his face, but try to explain to him that your mom comes first in your life, and you want to respect her by sticking with her, and that seeing you (him) will only make her life more miserable.
But hey if you really like him then why not I guess. It's up to you in the end.
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>>17987202
Yeah
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>>17987202
This.
Your mother is always 1st priority, never forget that.
My advise would be to ignore him at the moment and then message him in a couple months or something. Let the dust settle
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Yeah. I'm strong on family values. I'll talk to my mom in the morning and discuss some of the stuff you guys have brought up. All valid points that make sense.
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