My best friend has been going through a period of "cutting

>>17986803
That request of his is totally inappropriate. You can't ask that of someone.

>>17986810
I do agree, but I am generally understanding when people try to make a case to me, and as demanding as the request was, I understood his feelings behind it. Yet I couldn't go through with it.

In his perspective, if the ex isn't that big a part of my life, then it shouldn't make a difference to me. But I am morally opposed to it.

So at this point I either remain as I am, deactivated, or re-activate and do what he asked, which is probably too little too late. Or, cut *him* off, which I don't really want to do.

>>17986814
Or re-activate and remain connected to his ex, which will probably spur him to distance himself from me or even cut me off, which I would be sad to see happen.

>>17986803
Sounds like it's the girlfriend, and not you, who should deactivate their Facebook account if getting a random friend recommendation upsets her so much. Don't let your friend make such outlandish demands of you, especially if you're morally opposed to it and the ex was nice and supportive to you in a time of need.

>>17986833
Goddamn, I hate this situation. Because I really like the girlfriend too, and she really likes me a whole lot, more than any other of his friends, and she has improved my friend's character a lot as far as personal responsibility, but this view on strict regulation of their social lives is just something I plain out don't agree with, and I hate to see it being a possible cause of a rift between any of us.

Please post more thoughts. I'd be interested in anybody actually sympathizes with the friend. I'd be curious if there is anybody that would actually say yes, go ahead and just cut the ex out, to ease tensions in the more-important friendship with my friend.

Not saying I will, but just curious.

You said you're just curious, so here's what I would do.
I would be fucking pissed that someone's trying to tell me who to have in my life or not. His girlfriend is a controlling bitch and has huge issues and your friend is a little beta boy if he's afraid of losing someone and does everything they want to.
I would just cut off contact with your friend and his girlfriend and never talk to them again.

>>17986880
I can sympathize with the guy and his gf a good deal as I am a very private person as well. While it is pushing it about to request something like that, he is coming from the position of a best friend here. This isn't just a casual acquaintance asking this of you. This is a best friend asking his fellow best friend of he can cut contact with an ex girlfriend. I think that context needs to be established for you. No matter how you see this girl, to him and his gf she is an ex, a remnant of the past that they don't want to see in their present. You can always have the ex gf as a contact through phone instead of you really want to keep her in your social circle. If Facebook is really as unimportant as you say, it wouldn't really be an issue to you to do this.

>>17986803
If this is your best friend you should just be straight with him. His relationship with his girlfriend doesn't include you, and on some level he needs to learn how to balance her wants with the other relationships that he has

>>17986803
you're not in the wrong
you don't get your dick sucked for pleasing his gf's wishes
she will eventually get to those people through other circles it' not like he can go to every single person
if they are so private they should delete their fb

She's a crazy control freak and u shouldn't reward selfish behavoir.

Alternatively, you could make a seperate fb without that couple and add her there

Ok, so you are definitely not in the wrong. I wouldn't unfriend her either. If it really weirds the gf out, she should just block all of his exes on facebook, so she doesn't see them randomly pop up. I had issus with certain things similar to this, and I ended up blocking my significant other on fb. That way I didn't see things that upset me. It's just social media. Not that big of a deal. If she doesn't want to see it, she just shouldn't look at it. It's not like you're the one who is her bf.

>>17986803
Honestly I would just block the girlfriend. She sounds crazy and then she wouldn't get up in your business about who you're friends with.

Jesus, his girlfriend sounds nuts. They won't last long, in case you haven't realised that yet. You cannot be that much of a paranoid control freak and have the relationship remain stable over long periods of time. Hopefully she'll learn from it after the break-up and change her ways in future relationships, but if there is one thing I can guarantee, it is that your friend and her will not last.

Stick to your guns on the matter. You know what he is asking of you is unreasonable. If it causes a little friction between you, so be it. You're best friends, so it won't last forever. He will apologise for his actions after his relationship breaks down and he sees the error of his ways in treating you like that. Just be patient.

>>17986803
>Recently he's expressed how weird it is that some of his f
So hes a dog that marks his territory with his cum? Tell him to fuck off and that people are allowed to have relationships. If hes so easily swayed by his new gf's opinions hes not worth your time. He'll do the same with every new person he dates.

>>17987443
>>17987455
>>17987562
I should clarify that his girlfriend hasn't asked him to do this, and in fact, she hasn't known yet and I don't know if she has now or not. He's doing this out of his own volition and kind of in a "panic mode" kind of way, trying to iron out any rough spots because this girl is admittedly the best he's ever been with. It's important to him, which is why he feels hurt that I haven't budged. Doesn't change that what he is asking still feels preposterous, though.

>>17987434
You're right, and this is something I will need to meditate on. Nevertheless, no matter what I do, I think damage has been done.

>>17986803

I don't understand this. Why is it on you to remove said ex girlfriend? Why can't the one feeling offended just block the ex? Like the majority of other people do?

Like another person said, stick to your guns. She should not dictate who you can- and cannot be friends with on Facebook. It's really none of her damn business.

>>17988268
Honestly yes, that makes sense, and they probably should have thought of that in the beginning. But I guess this is a thing that could still come up any time I make a status, and both happen to comment on it or like it (even if she blocks someone, I don't know how that works?). This type of situation is why I wanted to shut off my Facebook to begin with.

>>17988288

If he blocks the ex, he will not be able to see her comments nor will she be able to see his.
Same principle applies to the girlfriend. Fair enough if you don't use Facebook that often, but in my view this is matter of principles. I do understand that you just want to make your friend happy, but your friend should also realize that putting it on you is retarded..

My girlfriend also has my ex suggested as a friend, she's not a moron though. She really does not care.

>>17986803
Just cause its someones ex doesn't mean you should block and hate them cause one of your friends vroke up with them, i had a friend that would get mad cause i talked or hung out with them we were friends before they started dating i aint gonna lose a friend cause they break up

>>17988310
Interesting. Well, probably too late for that.

>>17988360

Heh, Figured as much. What did you end up doing? Did you delete your Facebook?

>>17986803
Do not negotiate with terrorists. You can not give in to such a twisted demand. You choose your friends, no-one else. Soon your friend will tell you that his girlfriends friend needs a man, and you will be coerced to date and marry a sweet but rotund simpleton. You have been warned.

>>17986880
The only possible reason to agree would be if you were more than friends with your friend. Maybe a triangle thing, or he is your closet husband.

>>17986810
Truth.

>>17986880
If she's uncomfortable, it's on her to block these people. You shouldn't be apart of this situation at all and I don't understand why he feels he has the right to ask this of you.

>>17988243
>I should clarify that his girlfriend hasn't asked him to do this, and in fact, she hasn't known yet and I don't know if she has now or not.
You need to have a serious talk with your friend, if he's keeping her in the dark about this. Because people are going to assume she's the crazy, controlling person and the rest of his friends will eventually leave him.

>>17988363
I just have it deactivated. We had talked and it became clear that that choice left him feel a little hurt, like I was unwilling to cut out a person who is admittedly not that important to me when he very much is. I apologized that I hurt him and said I'd honestly give it a lot more thought, but made no guarantees and am still sitting here with it deactivated.

>>17988390

Alright. Well then that's done. You're a good friend although I would probably have stood my ground. This won't be the last time that she'll make him ask these kind of things from his own social cirkle though.. Something to be aware of.

Good on ya OP.

>>17988401
Yeah, the way I see it, I remain where I am and nothing changes except maybe a yawning distance starts to grow... or I reactivate my Facebook and unfriend this girl, which might not make a difference at the end... or I re-activate and don't do anything, just to flip him the finger. Either way I think things are changed now no matter what.

>>17988401
>>17988414
Like, I'm seriously thinking about typing up a message to him explaining that I cannot budge and that he is in the wrong, because I know how he has a tendency to lock up in confrontation. But I think I know exactly what will happen: he will go silent, and will not want to talk about it, and I probably won't see much of him for a while.

>>17986803
You're in the right. His girlfriend is controlling and paranoid, and he's a spineless pussy.

You don't get to completely delete someone from your social circle just because you used to date. Real life doesn't work that way

>>17988588
Jesus Christ, is it really that big of a fucking deal? If you don't care about the Facebook account just do your friend a solid this one time to ease his mind. You will literally be putting your friendship in jeopardy because you want to hang onto some stranger. He's not asking you to kill her, he's asking you not to associate with her on Facebook.

What the fuck? Why would a simple Facebook friend recommendation set off his girlfriend? She sounds fucking nuts. How is it weird for his friends to be friends with his exes? This is insane.

>>17988610
Once he gives in, the friend is going to do it again. This won't be the first or last time.

>>17986803
She sounds super insecure and I don't see how that's your problem.

I'm friends with exes, and many of my friends are still friends with some of my very worst exes. My girlfriends or my friends don't get to dictate who I can and can't associate with. It's wholly unreasonable to ask of someone and I wouldn't ask it of anyone.

>>17988614
Then he should say that this is the first and last time he's doing this and if it happens again, he won't budge on it. But, even that is conjecture. This isn't a girlfriend asking this, it's just the friend. I'm just saying OP should side with his friend more than some random Facebook person

>>17988630
She's not some random Facebook person, but otherwise I see what you mean. Perhaps I should do this. Once again though, it is perhaps a little too little, too late.

>>17988630
>This isn't a girlfriend asking this, it's just the friend. I'm just saying OP should side with his friend more than some random Facebook person
I get that, but he also happens to be friends with the other person. And now the friend is getting asspained because OP won't just automatically do what he wants? That's pretty ridiculous, in my eyes. That's not friendship, it's the beginning of a dictatorship. If the girlfriend finds out, I can guarantee she won't be happy with that either.

>>17988622
This.

>>17988653
Friendships, just like any other relationship is a give and take. We may not know all the details of their friendship, but how op worded it sounds like he asked him to block her on Facebook (not cut her out of his life completely) and op hesitated and the friend took it as a sign that op doesn't have his back like he wants. That would hurt anyone, man.

>>17988684
Not OP, but "having your friend's back" does not mean "complying with every unreasonable request your friend makes." Sometimes the best way to have your friend's back is to pull him aside and tell him he's acting ridiculous. Sorry, but it's not normal or acceptable to make ultimatums like this on your friends.

>>17988684
If you care about someone, you have no business asking them to potentially ruin another friendship (especially when that person being cut off has done nothing wrong). If I had a friend cut me off for that reason, regardless of whether or not we still had other ways of contact, I'd be hurt too. You have to think about how this is going to effect everyone.

>>17988684
>it sounds like he asked him to block her on Facebook (not cut her out of his life completely)
That is correct, I still have her number and he's not asking me to delete it or anything.

>>17988694
This is the exact same view we've expressed in regards to another friend who began rejecting everybody that was trying to give him relationship advice (this was a "nice guy") and accepting only the people that coddled him.

>>17988694
Was it an ultimatum, though? He asked op to block her. As we can clearly see op didn't comply and his friend is sad because he felt his friend thought more of him than to care so much about a random Facebook connection. That's just the result of ops actions, not an ultimatum.

My ex was a total psychopath in the real sense, and I couldn't stand my friends being around that manipulative bitch.

They couldn't see that it was a one-sided story and that she was lying. I made the ultimatums, so they used that as an excuse to think that I'm just spiteful.

I wouldn't call myself a friend if I was you, OP

>>17989110
>I wouldn't call myself a friend if I was you, OP
Fuck, man.

>>17986803
No, you are not in the wrong. His girlfriend is apparently insecure about his exes for whatever reason, all I can do is speculate. That's the real issue that needs to be confronted.

Your friend needs to stop being a pussy and confront the issue with her vs make his friends unfriend his exes for his current girlfriends insecurity issues.

Kinda related, I recently got rid of a lot of my "friends" because they believed the bullshit coming out of my exes mouth and never even asked me about it. Whatever, I was getting sick of most of them anyways. Kinda funny they are all such close "friends" but talk shot about each other when they are not around and duck around with each other's S.O. and shit. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Should have done it years ago.

>>17989110
>I couldn't stand my friends being around that manipulative bitch
That's your problem. If she was really that bad, your friends would've figured it out for themselves. It sounds like your little "ultimatum" didn't go your way, and now you're bitter about it.

Unfortunately the world doesn't revolve around you, and your feelings don't dictate other peoples' behavior. If you start requiring your "friends" to jump through hoops for you, and arrange their social lives according to your whims, don't be surprised if a few of them decide your "friendship" just isn't worth the price of admission

>>17989145
God damn anon, who hurt you? Real friends listen to both sides of the story and don't just base their actions on what they want solely. I'd be naturally inclined to have my friends back over their ex if only because they earned it through our friendship. Being quick to choose your own desires at the expense of your friends feelings tells me you didn't think much of their friendship in the first place.

>>17989145
You seem like you are bitter about something here. The dilemma here is not some childish, egoistical thing. It is about your friends respect, trust and love for you. The fact that they got YOUR back because a person hurt you this bad and that they believe you.

Some of them actually called me up months later to tell me that I was right, but the gap in our friendship was already too big. I have no friends or emotions left, but rather this than fake friends and bad emotions.

>>17989145
>>17989179
OP here. In my case, the ex is not psycho. They tried remaining friends but she was clingy and awkward and he had to avoid her. I gave emotional support to both of them, separately. Neither was in the wrong and it was a relationship that just didn't work out. The fact that I had this girl in my apartment crying her eyes out makes this hard. She is not just a random girl and she is not doing anything to attack my friend. In fact and is about to be married. He just doesn't want to see her or be around her.

>>17989251
He's not in the wrong about asking you this, maybe he has emotions regarding her getting married. Idk what to tell you, by the end of the day you have the ultimatum and have to make a decision - not by "who did what" but who you see as your best friend.

>>17989268
Well she's not the only one. There is another ex and an old acquaintance of his that also got his axe, and these people are admittedly more toxic. But he has been going through social media axing scores of people who don't add anything to his life, and I extremely disagree with this type of behavior.

>>17989308
How so? It is really good to cut out the fat and surround yourself with people you like more. Especially after a life changing event like a breakup.

>>17989315
They broke up years and years ago. It has nothing to do with any recent event, it's just a new approach to the way he looks at his social circles.

I disagree with it because I think it's more work than makes sense. You can't control who you might randomly bump into, and I think one should be strong enough not to get triggered just by seeing somebody's face. And it ends up alienating people. And next thing you know, you've cut out so many people and worried so many others that you become a stranger to everybody.

>>17989348
OK well, that's his choice. Maybe that's what's best for him and he is doing that to the best of his power. Toxic people are never good for anyone trying to make something of their life anyway. You seem to not really agree with his methods and that's totally fine, but will you let your disagreement of his actions sever your friendship further than it already is? As you get older, your social circle naturally shrinks to those that stuck with you through thick and thin. Is he someone you want in your life past your 20s?

>>17989386
>Is he someone you want in your life past your 20s?
Lol, I'm already past my 20s.
And yes, I would be very sad.

>>17989315
No it isn't. You deprive yourself of life experiences, and contacts you could've hit up in the far distant future.

Surrounding yourself with a circlejerk is unhealthy. You develop an inaccurate perception of the world based around people who cater to your own opinions.

Learn to deal with assholes instead. You'll have to deal with assholes no matter who you are or how you live your life, so you might as well gain experience early.

>b-b-but muh emoshuns

Learn to stop caring about your emotions.

>>17989431
You have your answer, then op.

>>17989469
Surrounding yourself with like minded people does not guarantee they will agree with you in every respect. The idiosyncrasies that make up those differences are what make friendships varied and unique in spite of similar mindsets. There is a vast difference between that and surrounding yourself with booze fueled idiots who only know how to handle problems through the haze of inebriation.

>>17989469
Those assholes need not be your friends. Not that you seem to have a perception of what a friend is.

>>17989495
>>17989497
Nice personal insults and widespread judgement of people who's life stories you will never witness. Not to mention, sidestepping my argument.

Continue being the typical 4chan specimen: filling the world with hate and then complaining about hate filled the world is in the same breath.

>>17989591
Goddamn now I'm starting to get confused about who's position is what.

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>go ahead and do what he asked
>he expresses his gratitude
>afterwards he is mostly silent online
>secretly paranoid that things will never be the same