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I have horrible issues with shame and disassociation. It's like I'm embarrassed of myself. It's like I refuse to put myself out there because I don't want people to know me. And even though I have friends I'm always restraining myself and acting in a calculative manner WHILE judging myself from a third person's perspective. Almost like I don't want to associate with myself. I'm 20 years old and that's way too old for this shit.
It really fucking sucks living as me. How do I stop this?
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Are you embarrassed of what you are actually like? Do you feel like if people knew what you were actually like they wouldnt want to be around you?
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>>17978427
I'm not. I'm certain if people knew me they'd like me much better than they already do. But for some reason I subconsciously resist having people know me. I have no idea what's triggering this shame because everyone who does know me thinks I'm great.
It's like I don't want myself to become a familiar & recognized, even though I do.
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>>17978443
I think you need to ask yourself what that underlying problem is. Or maybe this is some existential thing where you are having trouble associating your central isolated identity with that same identity that talks to other people. In other words, you probably are being yourself but you see yourself differently when you talk to others vs when you are by yourself.
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>>17978521
& how would I stop this behavior and reassociate?
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