First: English is not my mother language. I've decided

I'm tired. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up again. I'm not capable of anything, not even losing weight because I'm just a piece of shit.
Next week I have date with my psychiatrist that will only ask me if I need more medicine to keep me "happy". But I'm not taking it anymore. I'll throw myself from a well known tower in my hometown. I can't stay all my life playing videogames and crying everyday.

You can try to give me advice, I don't think it can help but anyway. I just wanted to tell anyone who may just tell me "shut up and kill yourself already" at least I could have a laugh.

TL;DR: 24 years old girl without studies or job feels lonely and useless and will end her life in two weeks, in her birthday.

Do you live in the US OP? Don't give and keep searching for a job. Send resumes everywhere, retailers, fast foods, etc and keep doing it everyday day if you can. Don't give up. Something will surely appear soon.

>>17973155
>>>/Adv/

>>17973190
I live in Spain. The Youth Unemployment % is almost 50%. I've been searching for job since I was 18. The only jobs I got were commercial (you only win what you sell) and that's all. I sell sometimes my drawings but not too expensive, I'm not that good.

if your mind is made up and you're being an attention cunt then you're a shit person who wasted our time.

If you want advice, create something. Create a new hobby or a new opportunity. After you make your first creation, improve on it. Not finding a job gives you ample time and opportunity to discover and humor yourself with new things. There's never an excuse not to love yourself, unless you consciously put yourself in denial.

>>17973202
I know a girl who also only draws as at means to get some money. She also sluts herself to get free stuff from guys so I'm not sure you'll want that. You can still make a good housewife if you try to control everything you eat.

>>17973213
Get skinny by controlling everything you eat*

En que parte de España vives OP?

>>17973155
This answer is not going to please you, but it is the only real answer.

You have got to take responsibility for your own happiness, however slight it may be. The life you describe is not a happy one, and being depressed by it is actually a sane and rational response. But the ONLY way for things to change is for you to change them.

That doesn't mean you have to become a happy and successfully functioning member of society all in one big leap. Set yourself a more modest and do-able short-term goal, like taking the dog on a longer walk each day, or cleaning up your room, or doing one gratuitous act of kindness (hold a door open for an old person) each day.

This will serve multiple functions. It will get small quality-of-life things (clean room, healthy walks) done and actually make your day a little brighter, It will show you you CAN change your world, if only in small ways, and thus encourage you to try bigger ways. And it will help you feel better about yourself ("hey, I was nice to that little old lady" instead of "I'm just a piece of shit") And just maybe it will give you enough bravery to take on a really big challenge, like finding a job or a real-life boyfriend.

Dear OP, I live also in Spain. And I undertand how difficult is lately having a job and all that stuff. But life's still being life. You only have one. And YOU choose how to live it and change it. You can't think that everthing is put of your control, because is not.
De verdad, amigo, merece la pena seguir luchando. Te pondrán muchos obstáculos, pero todos serán tan grandes como tú quieras creer que son. Sé que solo spy un anónimo en internet, y que mis palabras pueden sonar torpes, hasta hipócritas... Pero lo único que deseo es que una persona que ha tomado la decisión de sincerarse por aquí, sea la misma que quiere quitarse la vida.
No te rindas

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>>17973155
there, there.
your feelings are valid and life can get better if you work at it. your natural chemical imbalance is not anymore "reality" than the antidepressants. The antidepressants are a good first platform to launch yourself into actually improving until you don't need them, don't just stop taking them while you clearly still do need them.

>>17973208
I used to draw everyday, so I could be an artist. My dream was to be a concept artist but since I started taking the treatment I wasn't able to end anything I started. I mean, I couldn't focus on something, my mind would get blank. And now I try to draw but... I never like what I do.
These are some of my latest tries to draw.

>>17973213
I could do that with one of my ex-boyfriends... But I couldn't do that, I would feel even worse.

>>17973215
Tried several times but later I find myself eating anxious without control. After I feel guilty and worse.

>>17973223
En un pueblecito de Ciudad Real.

>>17973235
I started a Youth Association, I prepare activities like "Free drawing classes for kids" or gaming weekends in public places with the help of the town hall. But still feel this bad when I'm not active. For example, I do one of these weekends and I'm really nice but after it's ended I inmediatly go bad and cry.

>>17973235
Muchas gracias por tus palabras. No sé por qué pero creo más a un anónimo que a una persona que solo diga lo que cree que quiero oir. De verdad he intentado seguir adelante, pero se me hace imposible.

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>>17973246
Forgot the drawings.

>>17973248
But these are amazing?

>>17973202
Primero y mas importante, abandona el wow, he estado en esa mierda muuuuchos años, siendo literalmente un nini, empieza por hacer cosas del dia a dia, sal de tu puta casa. Y sobretodo encuentra una motivacion, que es lo que te gusta ¿puedes convertirlo en un trabajo/estudio en el que dedicar tu tiempo? Hazlo.

Personalmente nunca llegue a ir al siquiatra, dedica tiempo en pensar cuales son tus defectos y como mejorarlos

Y ahora esto puede que suene fuerte, si no te has hundido del todo es por que te mantienen y puedes vivir en ese estado continuo de depresión, solo uno mismo se puede salvar.

Sl2 de un sisi.

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>>17973262
Those are sketches I left undone 'cause I don't like anything I make. I only draw sketches lately.

>>17973275
Has pensado en ser freelancer?
Hay bastantes compañias de videojuegos (sobretodo de movil) que buscan quien les diseñe los caracteres (ya que veo que principalmente es lo que dibujas) manda tus bocetos o alguno que hagas mas detallado por todas partes, no cuesta demasiado y si le interesa a alguien eso que te llevas.

>>17973246
Creo que está bien sentirse mal con uno mismo. Pero no para mal. ¿Te has visto? Eres una persona talentosa en sentido gráfico. Podrías comenzar un Patreon, un DA con pedidos y montarte tu propio negocio. Hay muchas soluciones para un problema, pero jamás elijas la más sencilla porque será la más peligrosa.

>>17973155
Try getting on those pills that cause loss of appetite as a side effect, like Ritalin or Adderall. You'll lose weight, have increased motivation, and maybe even starve to death so you don't have to kill yourself. Convenient, right?

>>17973275
Your english is excellent, is that common among 20-something years olds in Spain?

Also these sketches are definitely in the upper 80 % of all the drawings on the internet. Have you seen the shit on some drawing boards here? Your style is very nice.

Remember, you are responsible for your feelings, which also means that they irrelevant if you want them to. Simple as that. Noone is rated good for feeling happy and rated bad for being sad. You have to try to make your life better, for the sake of it being better. Monitoring how I feel NEVER made anything easier or better for me.

>>17973228
This.

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Whoa! I never saw any Spanish comment here in 4chan. There are a lot of them rigth here!

>>17973248
Nothing super impressive but far from bad. It may not mean much to you, but you're already better at something than 90% of people just from that

>>17973333
Its not, spanish is realy common on the internet, so spaniards dont feel the need of learn english at all.

Pretty much like burguers.

>>17973155
don't kill yourself anon.
if you're feeling suicidal talk to me.

Same goes for any one else.
https://discord.gg/6qetS

>>17973246
Losing weight is the number 1 way to improve your life, I'd say. It may not be easy mentally, (I've always been skinny so I wouldn't understand) but physically it's one of the easiest. All you have to do is NOT EAT as much. Imagine you were a skinny dude trying to put on muscle. You'd have to eat the right foods, exercise, sleep right, over YEARS, and be consistent at it. Not your case. You just have to EAT. LESS.
And there are literally millions of people trying to lose weight, so it's not like you're alone in this. Look up advice, support, whatever.
Again, losing weight is in my opinion, the best and simplest step you could possibly take now. It would improve every aspect of your life, I'd bet.
Fat girls are disgusting, sorry

>>17973369
Well, that's partly negative. In Spain, we learn English as our second mother language for our future. Meanwhile, an English-friend had told me that English persons don't need to learn other languages. Nothing to do with thread's topic, tho.

>>17973275
>>17973248
>>17973155

Anyway, your sketches seem pretty wonderful and at the very least could make money off doing commissions if you completed your work. Just from the little you've shown in this thread suggests you have a fair amount of potential and it would be silly to waste it, you just need to focus your ability in the right direction anon.

>>17973333
Thanks for your kind words. Drawing was the single thing that kept me on, I was proud of it but I'm not proud anymore. I don't feel like anyone would pay... I've already sold some but for friends.

Here we learn english but spanish people are not very good at it. Anyway I would need a title to show that I really know how to speak english and that means money.

>>17973388
I want to get skinny making exercise. Diets only cause me anxiety. But I don't feel motivated at all... I start and past two weeks I stop. I could lose 12 kgs when I started with the meds but after that, I wasn't able to continue.

>>17973433
I'll update a finished drawing later. I'm in raid right now.

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this is the last drawing I made before taking meds

>>17973459
jesus fucking christ dude, you're actually retarded because you could have a fucking awesome career anywhere in the world you just need to know what to do.

>>17973455
Exercise is good, but it won't make you lose much weight. Running for half an hour will spend you 300 calories or so, which is not much
You have to reduce calorie intake. Eat food with less calories if you can't stop eating. If you're not doing so already, cook your own food. It's cheaper, healthier, and it's a good skill to learn. A woman that can cook is always a plus. And it's not like you don't have the time.
But the key to losing weight is in your diet
You're on the internet. Google "how to lose weight". I'm sure there's a lot of help online, from lots of people in your situation feeling the exact same way about their eating habits. Figuratively infinite resources because there are so many fat people in the world I'm sure there are tons of solutions to your problem.
Hell, go on /fit/, read the sticky, ask around. They hate fatties, but they're always willing to help people trying to lose weight.
Control your diet. Lose weight. Life improves. Simple. No excuses.

>>17973459
That's pretty good although I think this guy >>17973479 is exaggerating lol
Still, you have a good skill to develop. You're good at something, so take your meds until your life improves

>>17973504
you're retarded if you don't think that's good enough to be illustrations for a popular web comic, or have people pay decent money for commissions.

She could just draw fucking furry porn and at that level will get paid. There's a lot of things artists with that level of talent can do to get paid, but being good at art and business aren't the same thing.

I'm willing to bet you aren't good at either, anon.

>>17973379
17973540 look at that thread

>>17973599
what do you mean?

>>17973155
Dude Op do a diet, start being cute and stream Wow on twitch.
Since you are a girl if you act nice and play well you can earn money from donators/subs.

Thanks everyone for your kind comments about my art, but it's not that easy. There are a lot of better artists out there, like A LOT. I tried to upload my fanarts, share them on facebook or deviantart groups, give FREE requests (in DA for advertising, in 4chan for fun)

But no. It's hard to make someone pay you for a drawing.

I really want to get skinny... and I can assure you diets don't work on me. I went to my doctor and gave me a personalized diet based on my analysis results, did it for a very long 6 months and I lost like 2kg. After that got very anxious and I gained like 6kg.

>>17973701
it's never going to change if you maintain this attitude of everything is impossible.

>>17973155
Women are less likely to commit suicide but much more likely to attempt it. And are vocal about it

Men are much more likely to commit suicide and are less likely to attempt it, when attempting suicide they usually finish the job. They are also much more likely not to show signs or talk about thier feeling of suicide.

Man up, quit wow, find a dead end job, work out when your not working, be respectful to those housing you, and save to eventually do something you think would be fun. Stop fucking moping around, wallowing in your own shit will get you nowhere real quick.

>>17973155

When I was 22 I was a total mess - no friends, addicted to drugs, always unhjappy, no hope for the future.

Now I'm 28 and one of the happiest people I know.

Stick in there anon. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

>>17973187
>I'm tired. I just want to close my eyes and never wake up again.

You could have some sort of underlying illness that is making you depressed. For me, it was sleep apnea. Don't let the psychs just shove pills on you. Try to find the root of the problem.